View Single Post
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Crescendo Offline
Walking The Line
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
Crescendo's Avatar
 
Name: ...
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: ...

Posts: 329
Points: 14,548, Level: 17
Points: 14,548, Level: 17 Points: 14,548, Level: 17 Points: 14,548, Level: 17
Blog Entries: 82
Join Date: December 17th 2009

Re: I can't get my head round whether this is rape or not.. - December 23rd 2009, 01:26 AM

Hi,

Because you were drugged you did not have the mental ability to consent to sexual activity. The fact you suspect he was the one who drugged you and that he suggested you take the morning after pill only furthers the evidence that he was taking advantage of you.

Legally speaking you may not have a case since you cannot recall the event, have probably since cleaned away the evidence by washing yourself and your clothes, etc.

But the legal definitions don't matter. a little over three years ago something happened to me that made me feel I was sexually violated. Legally, i had absolutely no case. What happened to me doesn't fit my country's legal definition of rape, and whether or not it could even be considered sexual assault is questionable. Legally, no crime was commited against me. But I have suffered tremendously. I have developed PTSD that brings nightmares and flashbacks. I'm scared of being alone with males, and have a hard time hugging my own father. My view of love and sex is greatly distorted, and I have not been in a relationship since. My depression worsened. The important thing is NOT the details, or the legal terms. It is the fact that you are suffering emotionally with feelings no one should have to live through that is important.

I think that survivors of sexual assault/rape/abuse/violence often blame themselves because they wish it was their fault. Why would someone want to be blamed for something that caused so much pain? Because it makes the person feel like they have control. It allows the survivor to say, "If it was my fault this happened, then I can prevent it from happening again." It is a false sense of security that is incredibly hard to let go of.

Luckily when my incident occured I already had the support of an amazing therapist, because i sure as heck wasn't getting much support elsewhere. It's very scary to talk about it, but it can be a long road to recovery, and I highly encourage you to seek support from a trained mental health professional.

Also, you might be interested in checking out the website aftersilence.org. it's a webforum for survivors of sexual assault. It's very well moderated and there are a lot of very understanding people there.

keep holding on.
You're NOT alone.

megan



When the patient's body has betrayed them,
and all the sciencewe have to offer has failed them,
when worst-case scenario comes true,
clinging to hope is all we've got left.
-grey's.anatomy-