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TheBabyEater Offline
With A Sprinkle Of Cinnamon
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Name: Marissa
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: Iraw

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Join Date: January 6th 2009

So I get medication now. - May 14th 2010, 12:02 AM

I've just realized that every little post I'm made in these Staff forums, have begun with "So".
Just thought I'd point that out.

Anyway. I talked to my doctor, finally, but my mom insisted she come in with me. So of course, I froze up a little bit. I didn't give her as much information as I should have, and thinking back on it had I told her everything, there's a good chance I would have become inpatient after all. But, I did tell her enough to get me put on Prozac and a big long explanation of what exactly depression is. (oh, I can't wait to tell her what else is wrong with my head, so I can get an explanation of that too!)

I THINK I start tomorrow, but my mom has all the prescription information, so of course she can't tell me. I guess I'll find out when I go upstairs to the kitchen tomorrow to see if there's any pills. All in all though, I'm really nervous taking them. For a few reasons...
1) I'm afraid I'll change. I realize it is a very minor drug, and that it's not like I'm going to wake up feeling like "OMGTHEWORLDISBEAUTIFULLLL" or anything, but still. I'm afraid that I'll feel different, like the excuse my boyfriend gave me when he stopped taking Lexapro.
2) I'm afraid I'll basically by lying to myself. Pretending that I'm doing better, when I'm really not any better at all, it's all the work of some drug.
3) Even though Prozac is not addictive, I have a very addictive personality and I'm afraid I'll become dependent on it so when they try to wean me off it in 6 to 12 weeks, I'll crash.
and finally 4) I'm afraid that... the colors will disappear. See, I have Synesthesia meaning I honestly see colors to different sounds like music and whatnot. As I understand, it is another chemical imbalance of the brain, like Depression and whatnot. I'm honestly terrified that Prozac will steal them away from me, possibly for good. While sometimes I feel weird for it, I LOVE being able to listen to music, and see colors dance to different instruments and beats. It beats the hell out of getting high, especially since it's legal and I won't get in trouble.

But God forbid I actually talk to my doctor about these things, because I simply can't bring myself to when my mom is sitting right there, answering half the questions for me. So... I guess I'll start the medication tomorrow if my mom has it for me, and go from there... Just nervous is all.

Bah, me and my long posts.



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