So I get medication now.

[TheBabyEater]

I've just realized that every little post I'm made in these Staff forums, have begun with "So".
Just thought I'd point that out.

Anyway. I talked to my doctor, finally, but my mom insisted she come in with me. So of course, I froze up a little bit. I didn't give her as much information as I should have, and thinking back on it had I told her everything, there's a good chance I would have become inpatient after all. But, I did tell her enough to get me put on Prozac and a big long explanation of what exactly depression is. (oh, I can't wait to tell her what else is wrong with my head, so I can get an explanation of that too!)

I THINK I start tomorrow, but my mom has all the prescription information, so of course she can't tell me. I guess I'll find out when I go upstairs to the kitchen tomorrow to see if there's any pills. All in all though, I'm really nervous taking them. For a few reasons...
1) I'm afraid I'll change. I realize it is a very minor drug, and that it's not like I'm going to wake up feeling like "OMGTHEWORLDISBEAUTIFULLLL" or anything, but still. I'm afraid that I'll feel different, like the excuse my boyfriend gave me when he stopped taking Lexapro.
2) I'm afraid I'll basically by lying to myself. Pretending that I'm doing better, when I'm really not any better at all, it's all the work of some drug.
3) Even though Prozac is not addictive, I have a very addictive personality and I'm afraid I'll become dependent on it so when they try to wean me off it in 6 to 12 weeks, I'll crash.
and finally 4) I'm afraid that... the colors will disappear. See, I have Synesthesia meaning I honestly see colors to different sounds like music and whatnot. As I understand, it is another chemical imbalance of the brain, like Depression and whatnot. I'm honestly terrified that Prozac will steal them away from me, possibly for good. While sometimes I feel weird for it, I LOVE being able to listen to music, and see colors dance to different instruments and beats. It beats the hell out of getting high, especially since it's legal and I won't get in trouble.

But God forbid I actually talk to my doctor about these things, because I simply can't bring myself to when my mom is sitting right there, answering half the questions for me. So... I guess I'll start the medication tomorrow if my mom has it for me, and go from there... Just nervous is all.

Bah, me and my long posts.

[Casey.]

Marissa,

So, I can't tell you it won't take the colours away, it might. I personally hated Prozac (I've been on four or five different meds and it was my least favourite xD) but you might like it. Give it a chance. And the changes won't be lies, if they happen they will be real. Medication is always hard, it works differently for everyone, but just try it. Be open to it, it will be alright.

[Bibliophile]

I'm on prozac/fluoxetine now and I've been on it before, too. It's what they usually start with...so, if you don't like it, there's always the million and one other drugs that you can try! It's no wonder drug, give it a couple of months to see whether it works. If you have any questions just let me know. (:

[TheBabyEater]

Thanks guys. =] I've been on if for what... a week now? Can't say I feel much different, maybe a little better on a good day, but it's not like it will stay at all good if something bad happens, which it always seems to.. But I guess it's only been a week.

I might have to switch though, as I think it might be messing with my sleep as well. I don't have the best of sleep habits, but it seems to be getting worse. Though maybe not, because either I'm getting much more used to it, or it's getting better this past week. The first few days I was sleeping worse than before but now I think, maybe, it's getting better. We'll see. I see the doctor again in a few weeks, for a little check up once school is out.

I guess it's just too soon to really know anything.