Oh my GOD. I CAN'T JUST BE OPEN WITHOUT SOMEONE AT MY SCHOOL GETTING SO TRIGGERED! I have enough on my plate already, so I do not need more.

Here is some background on what has happened.

You see, I was dating a 19 year old. Of course I loved him and I did everything in my power to make him happy. Yet, after threatening to stab myself and self harming, i found out he was cheating on me. I was in a psyche ward when I found out.

Anyways, when I got back...

Here is a story.

Once upon a time, there lived a teenaged girl. She was a short girl who loved life. Well, she got abused at home and bullied, which made her viewpoint change from positive to negative.

She had gone through many bad relationships, and finally found "the one", or so she thought. As she and her boyfriend visited one another, he grew distant. He stopped sending sweet paragraphs and started ignoring her and getting mad when she confronted him...

I wonder why people feel like this. This... uneasy feeling. Tightness in the chest. Tears rolling down faces.

I wonder what causes people to doubt reality.

I doubt reality. At this moment, I wonder why I even have friends. Why I have my amazing boyfriend. And these things are but a few of my doubts. Do my friends really care? Does my boyfriend really love me?

Wait, maybe it isn't reality I doubt. Is it me?

Story time.

So...

I feel so anxious right now. I don't know why, but it sucks. I'm terrified that someone is going to come in and just start yelling at me, or afraid that people are going to leave my life. Have to do what it takes to keep calm and get through the day. Hopefully my anxiety gets better.

So my mom just came in, yelled at me for being locked up in my room, and then said that we'll both "get through this together". Bullshit. She also threatened to send me back to RiverCrest or make me move in with my biological dad. Like she doesn't want to deal with me. I don't give her any problems and I try to keep my schoolwork in check, but she doesn't see. Then she goes and lies to me TWICE about me seeing my friend on Friday, and then about me being a community mentor on here. She...

This was a tough semester. I struggled a lot more than I thought I would. Between classes, stress, being sick literally almost the entire semester, having a self harm relapse, and crying in one of my favorite professor's office a few times, I was ready to give up on everything.

But, this semester is almost over. Two of my classes are completely done with and I have As in both of those. I'm getting a B in one class and while that's tough for me, I'm slowly accepting it.

...

I'm scared about "coming out" to my family about my religion. See, I'm Pagan and currently am concerned about how I should tell my family this. They are spiritual, but not religious, so I'm just concerned because they might take me not having the same beliefs as being disobedient . I plan on talking to them after school today. I'm nervous.

And just a side note, my boyfriend got his car! Now I am a step closer to meeting his grandparents.

Oh my GOD. I can't handle being the one person that my parents do not trust. Literally I've been raped and abused and bullied and all I have done is try to make myself happy in every way possible and I get looked down upon. Who can I even turn to now? I should just end it I guess. I'm tired of not getting any personal space or getting in pathetic fights with every person. I just want to curl up and cry. Like one of my favorite songs say; "Maybe I should cut myself or curl up and die."...

Everything is PISSING ME OFF! I feel like I'm a fucking bother and that I should just disappear. I mean, whatever. I don't know how to feel today. I can't cut because I don't want to be sent to Rivercrest again, so all I have is me just crying my fucking eyes out for no reason.
I'm tired, I'm in pain, and for the first time in like ever I'm pissed that my boyfriend won't text me back right away. I know I shouldn't be mad because he is with family and has his own life, but damnit I just want...

TeenHelp Newsletter

TeenHelp Newsletter #104 - November 18th 2018 - http://www.teenhelp.org

Welcome to the TeenHelp Newsletter! Our Newsletter contains a lot of useful information about our current work, including updates to our site and services, new resources, details of upcoming events, short bits of advice, interesting links and more!

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