[PlayingPretend]

Originally Posted by MonsterCosmonaut

So you at no point stopped and said "No, I don't want to go any further, please stop"?
And you decided to along with it without any threats of coercion?
And you were drunk by your own choice?
And you only regretted it afterwards?

I wouldn't consider it rape, no. I think you just made a mistake and now you regret it and are looking for a way out, personally.

Rape would imply that it was against your will. It also ruins his entire future because of your choice to get drunk.

Legally, it's rape. You were drunk so the law believes you were unable to understand your surroundings, much like a toddler, and so could not have given true consent, even though you did, therefore he's an evil nasty person who took advantage of you and had sex with you against your will. I think the fact that you actually wanted it, went along with it and asked him to use a condom means that you actually had a fairly good idea of what was happening at the time. Regretting it past the act is not the same as rape, in my books.

Honestly, I understand why you feel the way you do. It sounds like you regret it quite a lot. But I don't think that means he raped you. As I said, you were totally okay with it at the time, and you were drunk by your own choice.

One last point: if he was over 18, seeing as you're 17, that's statutory rape, technically. Also, whether or not he was drunk too also changed whether or not it was acquaintance rape.

This.

You claim you don't remember it, don't remember wanting it/giving consent, etc. yet in your OP you quote dialogue that was stated while it was taking place. You then go on to say you and your friend feel you were drugged, but you honestly remember an awful lot for there to have been much of a chance of being slipped the date rape drug (though someone correct me if I'm wrong). You didn't state that you said "no" or even tried to fight him off; you state instead that you complimented him on his size and told him he was better than your ex. Safe sex was, for the most part, practiced, and if you were moaning, assuming he was drunk also, who's to say he didn't interpret them to be moans of pleasure? I'm still unclear on how you got the bruises.

If he wasn't drunk/drinking as well, then that changes things, but if he was, who's to say he doesn't remember much of it? Or perhaps he does remember it and regrets it as much as you do. In the end, though, drunk or not, legally rape or not, you still did not make an effort to fight him off, say "no," etc. At least from what you said here, you did not outwardly express that you did not want him to have sex with you or that you did not want to behave sexually with him. I liken this to when a boyfriend tells his girlfriend "if you loved me, you'd have sex with me," she does, and she later regrets it. The circumstances are shitty, but it's still not rape or sexual abuse, and I don't see drunken sex (unless there was an obvious struggle or a very explicitly stated "no") as being rape. If it was, we'd have a hell of a lot of people being taken in for raping their partners or others they're attracted to. To me, this sounds like it was a drunken mistake. Very unfortunate, very regrettable, and certainly worth talking to your counsellor about, but to me it screams "mistake" more than rape.