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nicky1 Offline
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Need an impartial opinion - Is is ok that a girlfriend in a long term relationship find other males attractive? - November 30th 2011, 12:14 AM

But you need to understand the whole perspective. [Edited] We are in a long term relationship (3 and a half years to be exact).

I love her more than anything in the world and I know she feels the same for me. We usually (thank God) have no serious, not even slight, issues in relationship, and are able to solve any problem by simply communicating with each other.

But this issue really annoyed me dearly. She said to me, as if it was no big deal, that she finds my friend attractive. I found it very disrespectful.

Now, I would not make a big deal out of it, because looking from my perspective, honestly, I find other women (although not her friends, not even acquaintances) attractive as well. But I am not that disrespectful about it, in fact I consciously make myself look at my feet any time if it even crosses my mind for a moment that some woman is attractive. Let alone telling her that so coldly.

But on the other hand, she is honest with me, and always has been, and was honest about that, and I logically don't want to hold it against her in any way. But emotionally it drives me crazy, and I just cannot control that.

I should also probably add that if it happened only once, randomly, I would make myself forget about it. But the problem is she told me this a couple of times now. And told me she had a dream of having sex with another friend of mine. Now, I don't know if I behave rationally or not - but I find it very very very disturbing.

So I told her what my concerns were, asked her how would it feel if I openly told her I like some of her friends, but she just gets angry for... I don't know, for not trusting her probably, and for making big deal out of nothing. So I can't solve this by talking. Everything else is really wonderful, but this issue makes me very angry and worried and sometimes I cannot even sleep when I think about it.

I don't understand what is her motivation to push the only button which can make me angry when she is around. After all this time she probably knows my personality perfectly and knows this is the only thing which ever ticked me off. That's why I guess she does it intentionally, but I don't see a reason for that.

What do you think - is that ok and I am overreacting, or I should do something about it?

Thank you in advance for taking your time to read this!

Last edited by PSY; December 2nd 2011 at 06:38 PM. Reason: Please do not include identifying information on TeenHelp.