Thread: Triggering (Suicide): Suicidal, Anorexic, and Pregnant with Twins
View Single Post
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Emmaleigh753 Offline
Joseph & Gabriel <3
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Emmaleigh753's Avatar
 
Name: Who Cares?
Gender: Other
Location: All over the place

Posts: 16
Points: 7,435, Level: 12
Points: 7,435, Level: 12 Points: 7,435, Level: 12 Points: 7,435, Level: 12
Join Date: May 6th 2012
Exclamation Suicidal, Anorexic, and Pregnant with Twins - June 8th 2012, 03:29 AM
This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Someone please shoot me.... I dont know whats going on with me, my life is spiraling out of control... im so close to giving in.... ive been acting like things are peachy and smooth, but really im sinking deeper and deeper into this dark depressing hole.... why is this happening to me!? why!? i just want to have a normal life! im such a terrible person, "dancing with my devils past"(quoted by one of my best friends ) im almost 5 months pregnant and my belly and my boys are continuing to grow, the bigger i get the more depressed i become... ive been battling anorexia for as long as i can remember and becoming pregnant just made me worse... im a 3 time suicide survivor and my attempts still are continuous... I really do care about Gabriel and Joseph.... I love them so much even though they are not here yet... I dont want to cause them pain... but im hurting so much.... ive been spitting my anti-depressants out after i "take" them, because it was making me feel bad... now im worse... taking that blade to my skin once again... blood spills as i clutch my stomach and cry... im such a horrible mother... a horrible friend... and a disgraceful daughter... no wonder my family wants nothing to do with me.... the only one who took me in was my aunt... shes bipolar which makes my days a living hell because she refuses to take medication. somedays shes happy, kissing my forehead and patting my belly as she leaves for work, but other days shes drunk and screaming in my face telling me i have no life and hopes my babies die as she beats the sh*t out of me as i cry trying to shield my belly as much as possible... im so alone... she shuts the phones off before she leaves so i dont try and call anyone.... im just feeling like giving up... taking a load of pills and ending it all.... if it werent for the pregnancy i probably would have already done it... im so weak... im underweight, i havent slept in what feels like weeks, my back and stomach kills and ive been throwing up non-stop....i have no one to talk to and my life feels like its slowly coming to a hault... but then i feel my stomach and smile through the dreadful tears... knowing at least i have my babies to love me... but im still aching inside... fighting silent screams... is this ever going to end?....