Started cutting again :(
 

I have started cutting again, this time I am cutting my legs so I can get away with wearing short sleeves but still wear long ones because of the scars. I feel so ashamed of myself, I feel like I have let myself down. I keep trying to tell myself that relapse is normal in any type of addiction but it\'s not sinking in. I am scared that someone might see them even though I always wear jeans. I feel so stupid right now :(

Re: Started cutting again :(
 

Re: Started cutting again :(
 

The trigger is my family and the way they treat me, well my mum's side of the family. They are nothing but thieves and backstabbers and I can't trust any of them. And they say things about me behind my back saying I'm lazy and such because my own mum lies to them. Sick of the lot of them and when you try to talk to them they just don't listen or tell me to grow up and stop attention seeking. Its got so bad I have had to make excuses to stop going over my Aunty's every 2 weeks to stay just so I don't need to go.

Re: Started cutting again :(
 

Hi there,

I am sorry about the situation with your mum and her family. Have you ever tried to sit down with her and talk about it and how it makes you feel or even maybe you could write her a letter and leave it somewhere for her to read. I know this might be hard but it might help. If you really don't feel it will then that's okay too. It was just an idea that I had.

You are right that. Relapses are normal and this is an addiction. You've done well to be self harm free and don't let this blip step you back. You are worth so much more than all of this and deserve so much better. You don't deserve the pain you're putting yourself through, you know? You are better than self harm and it's going to be hard to overcome it but you can do it. It is possible to recover from self harm so keep holding on and have hope and faith and you'll get there.

Also don't be alone. Talk to people. Talk to us, family, friends, teachers, GPs, counsellors, anyone around you whom you can trust because talking about things can settle us down a little. Instead of it all building up inside, we let it out and it can be really helpful. Or you can try writing it down etc too.

I hope this helps you a little, stay strong
Jessie

Re: Started cutting again :(
 

I have already tried talking to them and even wrote them a letter but they just don't seem to care. I really give up with them, I do all sorts for them and I get it all thrown back in my face. My mother makes me do things that I don't want to do. And she is lazy and talks behind my back. I can't win with any of them.

There isn't really anyone I can trust to talk to at the moment, people just tend to back stab me or just ignore me so maybe it's just best to keep it all in for now, till I find someone I can actually confide in.

Re: Started cutting again :(
 

Hey Michaela, I'm really sorry that your family treats you like that and that you can't seem to resolve it. :( As sad as it is, sometimes it can't be resolved. You can't change their hearts, they have to.

Please know that not everyone will backstab you. I know it's hard to trust people, especially when you've been hurt so many times in the past, but trusting is a part of human nature. We're created to have bonds with others and to trust them. Keep your eyes open and see if there is anyone in your close friends, friends, or acquaintance circle that you feel cares about you enough to help you and not hurt you.

Relapsing is indeed a part of the addiction process. But when you relapse, it doesn't mean that all your hard work of not cutting just goes away! I went almost 7 weeks without cutting one time, and when I relapsed, I felt guilty and bad. I felt like I'd lost all my momentum. But it wasn't true. I still had those near 7 weeks that I hadn't cut, and it made me stronger for that period of time.

Try taking it week by week. That's what helped me. Also, having an accountability partner is a great idea as well. You can always find one here on TeenHelp, or even ask a friend. If you don't feel comfortable confiding in a friend, just ask them to "poke" you each week to see how you're doing. You don't need to tell them if you feel uncomfortable about it.

Stay strong. <3

Re: Started cutting again :(
 

Thanks for taking the time to reply:)
I have tried to talking to them again but I still can't get through to them, they are just telling me to grow up yet they are the ones who go on like children. I can never seem to get through to them. All they ever seem to do is have a go. I am trying my hardest not to crack, I keep myself occupied by going on my PlayStation every night but even then I still get urges.

Re: Started cutting again :(
 

Even when you occupy yourself, the urges will still be there. :/ They won't just be like "Oh, Michaela is playing PlayStation so we can't bother her". :P They won't go away easily. But the more you ignore them, the easier it gets.

Re: Started cutting again :(
 

Yeah :) I also try to watch tv series to keep my mind off things. Watching Hannibal at the moment. I try to make an effort with my family and my Aunty ignored me for nearly four days. I feel so alone right now.

Re: Started cutting again :(
 

Oh, that's a good idea!! :D If you ever run out of tv show ideas, I have like a million that I watch. :hehe: And you're right, they do keep your mind off of it for the most part.
I'm very proud of you for making the effort to be with your family. That's a very difficult, but brave thing to do when they're pushing you away. I'm so sorry that your Aunt is ignoring you, I know how that feels. :( My Uncle did that to me for a long time and it really hurt. But remember, you're never alone! :hug:You have us here at TeenHelp and, while we may not be with you in person, we're always willing to talk on here.

Re: Started cutting again :(
 

Maybe one day my family will change toward me but I'm not getting my hopes up. Doctor Who is a big help with this, until it makes me cry haha. It means a lot that you are all willing to help me and if you guys ever need to talk about anything then I am willing to listen to :) I am trying my hardest the urge. Went on my PlayStation again tonight :)

Re: Started cutting again :(
 

Doctor Who is amazing! I'm glad it's helped you. :hug:That's great that you keep fighting the urge! I know you can keep doing it, even thought it might get harder and harder. You have more control over your body when you fight, than when you give in. Keep staying strong, Michaela!! I know you can!! :D

Re: Started cutting again :(
 

:) it's hard when my mother is getting on at me every day about things, such as my weight and the way I look. Getting sick of her comments and such but my dad puts her on her place about things, they don't get on very well either because of the way she treats me, she has never wanted me and it really gets to me sometimes.

Re: Started cutting again :(
 

Awww :console:. I am so sorry. It's hard when that happens; I have a similar situation with my dad. Often times, he triggers me more than anyone. But keep staying strong!! I know you can do it! :) Don't let her goad you into cutting, no matter how harsh or how often she makes you feel guilty or bad. You are not either of those things. Don't believe that you are. You are not defined by your weight or the way you look. You are beautiful, no matter your size. It's the inside the counts. The little bit I've talked with you, I know you're a sweet young woman. :hug:

Re: Started cutting again :(
 

Aww thanks, means a lot to me that you think I'm sweet :) I'm still getting the urges pretty bad but I am staying strong. My leg is a mess with scars now but I never wear shorts or anything.

Re: Started cutting again :(
 

Well, you are. :)
Aww, I know how that is. If you want, you can PM or VM me and I can give you some ideas on how to try and get rid of/lighten your scars. :) I have scars on my arms that are almost gone now! It actually helps get rid of my urges if I can get rid of the scars. It might help you as well!!:hug:

Re: Started cutting again :(
 

Thanks for being so supportive :) I am over at my Aunty's for the weekend and she tries to see what I am on so thats why I haven't been on.