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-   -   Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t66408-attention-cutting-vs-being-open/)

Fineshrine February 7th 2011 12:31 AM
Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Have you ever met anyone who's ever cut... purely for the attention or fitting a stupid stereotype? I have. I think it's disgusting that that's why their doing it. This girl is constantly posting pictures of her scars and telling everyone that she cuts herself and how "HxC" she is. She's always getting comments on them too, like, "Omg why did you do this?" and such. Did I mention that she tags the image with '//_^ Emo"

But there's a difference though. Some people are just more open about their self harm, but they don't do it for attention. If my friend wants to see my leg, I'm going to show them my leg. If I just cut, I'm gonna call her and ask for some comfort. But I'm not going to update my status with "I just cut myself :(" or post pictures of it.

And people confuse people who are more open about it with people who do it for the attention. This aggravates me horribly.

I just had to say this. I had to tell someone. >.<
Anyone agree or have points they want to make?

BabyIndia February 7th 2011 12:43 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
I know a few girls like this, almost bragging about it.

It annoys me because you don't know when they say they are going to do it, whether or not they are actully doing it.

Fineshrine February 7th 2011 12:47 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
So true. Ugh.

BabyIndia February 7th 2011 12:59 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
One of the girls I've mentioned starting saying to me on msn (this is a while back mind we literally don't even talk to each other anymore) "I'm cutting myself right now"
So i try to reason with her telling her she shouldn't do it and talk to me about it.
She's all like "it's too late i'm bleeding now, omg it's so deep"

But the next day when I saw her, there was no evidence of cut's or a bandage or anything. Proper faked it and didn't even care that I knew she'd faked it.

I do have sympthy for people that cut (not for attention) Because sometimes it's there only outlet.

But for people that do it for attention, esepcially that girl. Pfftt Don't waste your time on them.

Only sometimes can you tell when they are faking.
I'd hate to think I was speaking to someone and they said they were going to cut themselves and I said nothing to them and they did cut I'd feel well bad.

Fineshrine February 7th 2011 01:09 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
I don't talk to this girl ether, she's just my friend of facebook. And she puts pics of it on like at least once a month.

Maloo February 7th 2011 01:17 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
what you have to understand though is that there's a reason they're doing this. There's something in their life that's making them feel like they have to act like that.

friendscare February 7th 2011 01:36 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
I totally understand where you are coming from, I am just like you, but there are some people who found out through my friends and are claiming I just do it for attention. I just figure my friends are very important at this point in my life, and they help me through the hard times, so if they ask, I show.

It is super annoying when people mix this up with doing it purely for attention though, I totally understand where you are coming from

Maloo February 7th 2011 01:39 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
I think you guys are being really judgmental about people that you don't know well enough. You don't know what they're going through, but you're going to sit here and call them ''annoying'' and things like that anyway.

Blair February 7th 2011 02:49 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
People who are willing to hurt themselves to fit into a label they want or get attention have a psychological problem. I can't imagine cutting for someone who doesn't have real urges. It's messed up. I feel sorry for anyone who would wanna be a cutter. But being more open is actually something I envy. My friend who cuts is like that with me. She can talk about it. She doesn't try to dramatize or do it like that but she can be honest sometimes

Jaden89 February 7th 2011 03:09 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
I know quite a few people who cut for attention but I also know people who are simply open about their cutting as well. Then there are also the people who consider cutting a fetish. There are a wide variety of different cutters out there and while I don't agree with cutting in general as I've seen first hand what it can do, I very much dislike attention cutters. It is not only annoying but sad.

i_am_waves February 7th 2011 03:12 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Cutting is cutting. Anyone who cuts for any reason deserves support, and I don't think it's anyone's place to judge the way they go about it.

Lizzie February 7th 2011 03:17 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
It doesn’t matter why you self harm. All that matters is that these people you know are self harming. Just because they go about it in a different way, doesn’t change the action. They are hurting themselves and are going through something not all that different from what you are. Some people are more private then others about their problems. But just because they are open about it does not make their situation any less serious. They are hurting themselves and whether they display it to the whole world or not, it doesn’t matter, they still need help, they still need support. Just because you don’t understand why they are open about their self harm doesn’t mean you should pick on them or call them names. I know there are people out there that don’t understand self harm in general who say the same things. And you have to know that you are hurting this people by saying these things. Whether they hear you say these things or not, you are reinforcing the fact to others spreading rumors that if you are open about self harm that you are not in need of help and support. Which is so not true.

I think maybe you need to do some soul searching on this. Why does this bother you so much? Maybe, you are focusing your own frustration about your own self harm issues on others?

Jaden89 February 7th 2011 03:26 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizzie (Post 578542)
It doesn’t matter why you self harm. All that matters is that these people you know are self harming. Just because they go about it in a different way, doesn’t change the action. They are hurting themselves and are going through something not all that different from what you are. Some people are more private then others about their problems. But just because they are open about it does not make their situation any less serious. They are hurting themselves and whether they display it to the whole world or not, it doesn’t matter, they still need help, they still need support. Just because you don’t understand why they are open about their self harm doesn’t mean you should pick on them or call them names. I know there are people out there that don’t understand self harm in general who say the same things. And you have to know that you are hurting this people by saying these things. Whether they hear you say these things or not, you are reinforcing the fact to others spreading rumors that if you are open about self harm that you are not in need of help and support. Which is so not true.

I think maybe you need to do some soul searching on this. Why does this bother you so much? Maybe, you are focusing your own frustration about your own self harm issues on others?
I'm not saying that they don't need help, of course they do but people who cut just because they want attention? I have a friend who is currently seeking counseling, she cut because she wanted more friends and thought it would make her popular. So to me she didn't so much have a cutting problem as much as she did a self-worth and self-esteem issue. What bothers me is that the person is doing it because they want to be seen and in most cases at least with the friends I have, they are already seen. I've went through Suicide Prevention Training so I know that it's not a laughing matter. I just find it annoying when someone does something such as injuring themselves just because they want attention compared to someone who is injuring themselves because they're hurting.

Katley February 7th 2011 03:43 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Ik what you mean. I feel bad for those people, cause one day they might wake up finding it HAS become an addiction, and then i think they will wish they never started.

Maloo February 7th 2011 03:45 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaden89 (Post 578549)

I'm not saying that they don't need help, of course they do but people who cut just because they want attention? I have a friend who is currently seeking counseling, she cut because she wanted more friends and thought it would make her popular. So to me she didn't so much have a cutting problem as much as she did a self-worth and self-esteem issue. What bothers me is that the person is doing it because they want to be seen and in most cases at least with the friends I have, they are already seen. I've went through Suicide Prevention Training so I know that it's not a laughing matter. I just find it annoying when someone does something such as injuring themselves just because they want attention compared to someone who is injuring themselves because they're hurting.
The people who feel they need to cut themselves for attention are obviously hurting too.

MusicNumbsThePain February 7th 2011 03:47 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
I completely agree with you. It sounds to me like she's doing it purely for the attention and I think those are the people that need the help most. They're obviously insecure about themselves and feel as though they have to do this to be cared for. Look beyond the surface with your friend. She's not being fake. There's probably a real serious issue there and she needs help.
As for being open about SH I'm that exact way. After I cut for the first time I told people. I was scared out of my mind. And you know what one of my best friends asked me? If I was doing it for attention. This hurts me really badly because all everyone seems to think is that I express my emotions for attention.
My ex writes his feelings in songs and posts them all the time but when I do that I'm being dramatic.
Anyway. I know how you feel. I don't mind showing people my scars. I'm just not going to go posting it everywhere. I'll only show people I'm close to.

Lizzie February 7th 2011 03:51 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaden89 (Post 578549)

I just find it annoying when someone does something such as injuring themselves
That statement right there is so sad to me. Reread that part that you wrote. It annoys you when someone hurts themselves. It doesn’t matter why they do it, they are still doing it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaden89 (Post 578549)

So to me she didn't so much have a cutting problem as much as she did a self-worth and self-esteem issue.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaden89 (Post 578549)

I just find it annoying when someone does something such as injuring themselves just because they want attention compared to someone who is injuring themselves because they're hurting.
You even said yourself that you feel that those that are more open about their self harming probably have self esteem issues and self worth problems. You don’t think that is painful to them? You don't think that they too are hurting?

Somehow the same action: self harming, was divided socially into two categories. (Often by those that self harm themselves.) Those that are open about self harm and those that are private about self harm. But at the end of the day, both set of people are doing the same thing. They are both in pain, they both hurt, they both need help and support. There is no “if” “and” or “buts” about it.

BabyIndia February 7th 2011 06:25 PM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Myss (Post 578453)
I think you guys are being really judgmental about people that you don't know well enough. You don't know what they're going through, but you're going to sit here and call them ''annoying'' and things like that anyway.
The girl I was on about I did actully know and she was annoying because she was faking it and everyone knew.

Maloo February 7th 2011 08:41 PM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyIndia (Post 578919)
The girl I was on about I did actully know and she was annoying because she was faking it and everyone knew.
But you really don't seem to be understanding that there's obviously something going on with her that makes her feel like she needs to act like that. And sure, maybe you knew her, but I'm willing to bet that she didn't confide in you about important things that may have caused her to act like that, because hopefully you wouldn't be so judgmental if she had spoken to you about such things.

It's highly unlikely that someone is going to go around cutting because they think it makes them cool. So unlikely that I think there's an incredibly slim chance that you'd ever actually meet someone like that. Obviously they're not getting something that they need in their life that's making them do that.

Ella.x February 7th 2011 10:37 PM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
I can see both sides of the argument here. Anyone who feels the need to hurt themselves or even pretend to obviously needs help to deal with whatever is making them feel like that. However, knowingly and deliberately hurting other people by flaunting your self harm or by lying about doing to make yourself seem "cool" is completely wrong. But still, anyone who is that desperate to fit in or get attention obviously needs help. One of my friends had a girlfriend and when he broke up with her, she was on msn to him saying that she was cutting herself. It turned out that she was lying about it to hurt him, but to be honest, even that is a sign that she needed to learn how to cope with difficult situations, even though she was lying. She had absolutely no right to do that to my friend and I saw exactly what it did to him, but yes, even she needed help even if she did act like a complete and utter b*tch

Edit: it does in fact annoy me when people get themselves into cutting which then turns into an addiction (in some cases) just to be cool, but I think that ultimately, I'm more annoyed that our society has bred into us this desperate desire to fit in and be cared for and liked, which can become strong enough to get people into these messes. I also get frustrated when they "show off" their cuts as I know first hand how bad of a trigger it can be to other cutters.

Fineshrine February 8th 2011 01:23 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ella.x (Post 579129)
I can see both sides of the argument here. Anyone who feels the need to hurt themselves or even pretend to obviously needs help to deal with whatever is making them feel like that. However, knowingly and deliberately hurting other people by flaunting your self harm or by lying about doing to make yourself seem "cool" is completely wrong. But still, anyone who is that desperate to fit in or get attention obviously needs help. One of my friends had a girlfriend and when he broke up with her, she was on msn to him saying that she was cutting herself. It turned out that she was lying about it to hurt him, but to be honest, even that is a sign that she needed to learn how to cope with difficult situations, even though she was lying. She had absolutely no right to do that to my friend and I saw exactly what it did to him, but yes, even she needed help even if she did act like a complete and utter b*tch
I see both sides of this too, now that I see what other peoples opinions are.

TheCrowing February 8th 2011 01:44 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
A lot of people do it for many different reasons. Stress, anxiety, depression, someone to notice them, a way out. I've even hung out with kids who cut when they're high or drunk just because it lets them feel more free. I've known couples who do it because it makes things "more intense". Whatever the reason may be.. There is definitely something going on that makes them do it. Even for attention.. Sure sometimes it seems ridiculous or even offensive, but you never really know what makes other people tick.

Eyes on Fire-Xx February 8th 2011 01:56 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
yeah, iv known plenty people who have done it just to be more 'emo' -.- i thinks its allmost insulting to people who really are struggling to cope. Im trying to get over cutting and i still have plenty fresh scars. im not about to post them on fb tho, and absolutly wouldnt call it 'HxC' -_- if someone is genuinly concerned, ill show and explain what wrong, not flaunt it or call it anything but coping...

Fineshrine February 8th 2011 02:02 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
im wih you, sumi, 100% on that

Maloo February 8th 2011 02:18 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Weeping Angel (Post 579264)
yeah, iv known plenty people who have done it just to be more 'emo' -.- i thinks its allmost insulting to people who really are struggling to cope. Im trying to get over cutting and i still have plenty fresh scars. im not about to post them on fb tho, and absolutly wouldnt call it 'HxC' -_- if someone is genuinly concerned, ill show and explain what wrong, not flaunt it or call it anything but coping...
This is just so closed minded. I had no idea that there were so many people out there who don't realize that these people obviously are having problems and need help too.

It's a sad, sad world we're living in, if so many people are willing to judge others like this.

Evanescent February 8th 2011 02:38 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
I know people who have done it purely for attention and people, including me, who do it as a coping mechinism. For the ones who do it for attention, there is something going on in their life where they are not getting the attention that they need, whether thats being in an invalidating environment, or having siblings that get more attention or whatever it is, so they do something to get more attention. Either way anyone who self-harms needs help. You may think that they are annoying but they need hellp too.

Fineshrine February 9th 2011 12:34 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
I'm not saying they don;t need help. They need just as much help as people who use SH for coping.

Maloo February 9th 2011 12:40 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by FallenStar (Post 579975)
I'm not saying they don;t need help. They need just as much help as people who use SH for coping.
Then why are you judging them and being so negative towards them and calling them "annoying"?

Eternal February 9th 2011 12:48 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
People who do these things for attention always bother me. They don't realize the seriousness of the issue and how it affects those of us who simply can't help it. Cutting isn't anything you should brag about.
When I used to cut, I didn't want anyone to know about it. I guess they wanted people to care and to say everything will be okay. But bragging about it is a whole other thing. Self harming is never good, so why try and do it more or worse then others? :/

Fineshrine February 9th 2011 12:50 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Myss, you just blew my mind. I can't really answer your question.
And the way everyones posted, has really opened my eyes about this. I was proven wrong in the process, but I've seen that people who do it for attention are really using SH for coping with the fact they don;t think they are getting enough attention/ aren't cared about ect.

anony mouse. February 9th 2011 01:04 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melody (Post 579992)
People who do these things for attention always bother me. They don't realize the seriousness of the issue and how it affects those of us who simply can't help it. Cutting isn't anything you should brag about.
When I used to cut, I didn't want anyone to know about it. I guess they wanted people to care and to say everything will be okay. But bragging about it is a whole other thing. Self harming is never good, so why try and do it more or worse then others? :/
This. I'm not saying that people who self-harm and put pictures on Facebook or whatever are undeserving of help or 'annoying', but they're making a spectacle of themselves. If you're cutting to fit into a stereotype, then there's something much worse going on. There's a HUGE difference between cutting to fit in and cutting to cope. Personally, I would have a lot more sympathy for someone who didn't feel the need to tell the entire world they were cutting. If you're hurting, ask for help. Posting pictures on Facebook and tagging it as emo is hardly a genuine-sounding cry for help. The reason I say this is because they know that lots of people are going to see it, comment, and therefore pay more attention to them. I think the only time I would EVER post pictures of my self harm on Facebook was if it got to the point where I needed help, any kind of help. And even if I did, I certainly wouldn't be tagging it as 'emo'. Putting these kinds of images and whatnot out there cheapens it. If someone is looking for help through making a album on Facebook entirely of their cuts, then they're either really desperate or really attention seeking.

Fineshrine February 9th 2011 01:08 AM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Come As You Are. (Post 580011)


This. I'm not saying that people who self-harm and put pictures on Facebook or whatever are undeserving of help or 'annoying', but they're making a spectacle of themselves. If you're cutting to fit into a stereotype, then there's something much worse going on. There's a HUGE difference between cutting to fit in and cutting to cope. Personally, I would have a lot more sympathy for someone who didn't feel the need to tell the entire world they were cutting. If you're hurting, ask for help. Posting pictures on Facebook and tagging it as emo is hardly a genuine-sounding cry for help. The reason I say this is because they know that lots of people are going to see it, comment, and therefore pay more attention to them. I think the only time I would EVER post pictures of my self harm on Facebook was if it got to the point where I needed help, any kind of help. And even if I did, I certainly wouldn't be tagging it as 'emo'. Putting these kinds of images and whatnot out there cheapens it. If someone is looking for help through making a album on Facebook entirely of their cuts, then they're either really desperate or really attention seeking.
I agree! >.>

BabyIndia February 9th 2011 08:13 PM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Myss (Post 579034)
But you really don't seem to be understanding that there's obviously something going on with her that makes her feel like she needs to act like that. And sure, maybe you knew her, but I'm willing to bet that she didn't confide in you about important things that may have caused her to act like that, because hopefully you wouldn't be so judgmental if she had spoken to you about such things.

It's highly unlikely that someone is going to go around cutting because they think it makes them cool. So unlikely that I think there's an incredibly slim chance that you'd ever actually meet someone like that. Obviously they're not getting something that they need in their life that's making them do that.
She was attention seeking and a complusive liar. She pretended she cut for attention and when she never got it she used to lie.

She had no problems just the fact she wanted all eyes on her kinda thing.

She used make illness up and pretend she had cancer so people would feel sorry for her. The twist it onto the other people.

She wasn't right in the head.

Kumagoro February 9th 2011 08:59 PM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
I don't like the principle of cutting for attention, but like Myss I honestly don't believe many people do that, and I don't feel it's my place to judge who's open and who's attention seeking. I don't know half of what's going on in their life; I know I would be absolutely distraught if somebody thought I cut for attention.

There was this huge panic over the emo scene in relation to self-harm. I think it has very little to do with attention or following a crowd. Could it not be that a style of dress is a way of expressing our feelings, wihle cutting is a way of coping with such emotions?

If you'll excuse my using a term I really don't like using, I think the majority of "attention-seekers" actually need attention. They seek attention because something is wrong and they need help. There might be a few who think it's cool to cut but I could never pass judgement over their intentions because I don't know the full story.

Jaden89 February 9th 2011 11:13 PM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melody (Post 579992)
People who do these things for attention always bother me. They don't realize the seriousness of the issue and how it affects those of us who simply can't help it. Cutting isn't anything you should brag about.
When I used to cut, I didn't want anyone to know about it. I guess they wanted people to care and to say everything will be okay. But bragging about it is a whole other thing. Self harming is never good, so why try and do it more or worse then others? :/
This is why I find people who are looking for attention "annoying" and then I don't even think annoying is the proper word for it. I just don't like the fact that so many people are suffering really badly from cutting and sit in silence without the help they need while these people more often then not brag about their cutting and are offered help but refuse to use the recourses they'd given. I find it sad. Obviously both people are hurting, that much I'll admit but at the same time I just find it ridiculous that these people, obviously looking for attention, brag about these things. As an ex-cutter myself, who suffered years before finally seeking help I almost feel it's a slap in the face to be completely honest.

CherriesBlossom February 9th 2011 11:17 PM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Now what I am about to say is NOT meant to be offensive to anyone because I myself used to cut. However no matter if you cut and are seeking out for someone to notice or keeping it to yourself in the end isn't all just a cry for help and eventually wanting people to pay attention to your pain. Obviously most cutters would say I don't want anyone to notice but inside don't we all still want someone to care? I'm just talking from experience and don't know how anyone else feels but attention or not no one should pass judgement. Even if they have issue that in itself should be enough proof that they need help and might even be cutting and over exaggerating so that they can finally get help. They could even be borderlines. You never know.

Thats my rant on this little argument.

BeautifulDisaster96 February 9th 2011 11:20 PM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
I wouldn't call someone that is self harming and "attention seeking" as you've said annoying, and I think they really need help as much as those who are private about it. If someone was too lie about self harming and fake it just to seem cool or fit in I owuld not agree with that, because I feel that could take away from realizing that some for some it's a true struggle to overcome the urge to self harm.

As far as being open rather than private I think that's alright. While I was self harming I was very private about it, and didn't tell many people, but now that i've been free for a while I am very open with my experiences with anyone who asks. If I could help someone by sharing my struggles why wouldn't I?

For those of you bashing on the people "attention seeking" think first, because they might actually be struggling with things in their own life. Self harm in any way expressed needs attention and serious help.

Fineshrine February 9th 2011 11:23 PM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
That's why after I read what people said, I changed my view on this argument. But lying about self harming is a totally different story.

BeautifulDisaster96 February 9th 2011 11:28 PM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Oh alright, just putting it out there since I feel so strongly on this subject. Yes it is, and it's wrong. That honestly annoys me, because the people who lie to fit in with a stereotype are the one's that make all self harmers seem like fake people.

Maloo February 9th 2011 11:31 PM
Re: Attention Cutting Vs. Being Open
 
Honestly, some of the things being said in this thread just disgust me. I don't even know how to respond to what's being said.


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