|
Re: Screaming thread.
Wish I was dead
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Re: Screaming thread.
I couldn’t sleep last night. In my futile attempts to get comfortable, I touched my shoulder and for the first time ever, I felt how boney it is. I’m one thin layer of fat away from the bones being visible on the outside. Maybe I am getting too thin. The number today is lower than it has been in a week, but it’s still too high. My body is begging for food, but my mind can’t let me have it. The anxiety I feel in the kitchen is unlike anything else. I ran in and out so quickly for coffee. I’ll be okay though, right? I don’t like to eat. Eating is bad. I can survive on coffee and vitamin water.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Feel like crying.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Non stop headaches. Non stop headaches for so many months..
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Re: Screaming thread.
Not sure what is going on in my mind. I feel crazy. Somebody please help me. I would rather be in a hospital right now. I need help. Im purging all the time. Im feeling suicidal all thr time. Im scared for myself. What if one day I cant hold on anymore. They will find me dead.. but then i think maybe this is how it should have happened a long time ago.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Your snide comment about her being "the most beautiful grandchild" shouldn't bother me, but since I don't feel beautiful, it does. I haven't even been forced to go without my meds yet, and I'm already slipping.
I need my coverage to stay on my meds. Do your fucking job, we did ours! |
Re: Screaming thread.
I am trying to be okay but I have no idea how. Just need to get through the next two days!
|
Re: Screaming thread.
Tired, having trouble sleeping.
|
Re: Screaming thread.
I made one minor mistake and I am pretty sure it's going to impact it all long term.
I will be okay. I will be okay. I will be okay. |
Re: Screaming thread.
i
have never felt as lonely as i do now |
Re: Screaming thread.
I'm a mess up
|
Re: Screaming thread.
I can't do anything about it today it's my day off. I have plans and I'm not about to spend 4 hours travelling there and back as well as £6 Just go come in and find something that I'm sure i did properly. This is why I'd never apply for team leader. The job doesn't give you a day off it just gives you a day to listen to complaints from somewhere else. It's so tiring.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I don't feel good.. I feel so stupid and lazy. I didn't do anything good at all.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Worst night ever and I'm still recovering. At least it's a short shift today.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Please let me get through today. No matter what happens ... just let me be strong
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Re: Screaming thread.
We haven't gotten back the test that she had! Come on, I need to know what it is!
|
Re: Screaming thread.
I hate people
|
Re: Screaming thread.
And your goddamn melodrama begins. She couldn’t fucking stand it.
|
Re: Screaming thread.
No one can do everything, disabled or not. Don't tell me how to live my life.
|
Re: Screaming thread.
Buy the clothes or get the fuck out and don't make a G-d damn mess! It's not that fucking hard. And if you think I have time for training crap after you cut my hours, you're INSANE. At least I have the least to do.
Pretty sure I'm over thinking, but do I have the least training to do because I do the least/easiest work because of my disability, or am I just the most caught up? I don't want to be paranoid, but I don't want to be taken advantage of and not realize it. And there's a million and one reasons not to bring it up. I am not feeling work today. At least I'm off tomorrow. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Today was not a great day. I binged on food secretly in my room today. What is wrong with me? Why do I have this problem and I can't stop! Everything is getting too me!
|
Re: Screaming thread.
I'm struggling a lot with these obsessive thoughts. I know I have ocd. I've only ever talked about it vaguely. I addressed it therapy and all I was told was I needed to talk to my psychiatrist.
There was no discussion on how to work on it in therapy. It's taken me a long time to realize it's not just OCD tendencies... It's ocd. It's just more obsessive thinking and less compulsion. I still do thing out of compulsion but the obsession is the issue. I'll talk to the therapist I'm seeing on the first and I'll talk to my psychiatrist on the 5th...but idk. I just hate the thoughts. I hate the obsession. I want it to stop. I don't want to be annoying. I don't want to torment myself. I just am not sure how to cope with the thoughts. I know what's suggested for the more compulsive things and I try doing that. If my mind tells me I have to end on an even chapter or a derivitive of five... I challenge myself to only read to chapter three. It helps sometimes and I'm sure there are other ways to cope but it does help. I have no real idea how to stop the obsessive thinking so a therapist and my psychiatrist will have to help. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Why cant I just get better without gaining weight? Its like theres no win. Why am I evwn getting treatment if im just going to relapse when I leave? Amd why does no one sell pottasium binders??? I need some to lower my potassium even more. I need people to know im hurting inside. Im scared. I need help, they wont know that unless I show them.
|
Re: Screaming thread.
I hate myself
|
Re: Screaming thread.
I'm about done, we're being censored so we want to leave, get censored for explaining why we want to leave, have concerns about something that's about us going on behind our backs, we voice said concern and get censored again. Full story or not, decision made, I'm out
|
Re: Screaming thread.
I will no longer feel guilty
I am not appreciated |
Re: Screaming thread.
What should I do? College is getting stressful and I have to think about the future. I feel so confused and helpless. I feel so alone because the people that cheer me up are too busy for me. I want to wake up from this nightmare...
|
Re: Screaming thread.
I don't know that I can keep doing this.
Pretending everything is okay when it isn't |
Re: Screaming thread.
I'm so sorry I keep fucking up everything and hurting you... maybe the only way to stop hurting the ones I love is to give up on my "sobriety."
|
Re: Screaming thread.
I just filled out my own application because you are fucking idiots and no, it wasn't easy. Now, do your fucking jobs and reinstate my coverage with my original company so I don't have to go through finding them all again!
|
Re: Screaming thread.
Please let it be okay.
Please let me get a job soon. Please don't let anything bad happen Please please please |
Re: Screaming thread.
I’m terrified to get the physical done today. What if she doesn’t believe me that I have an eating disorder? I weigh too much to have an eating disorder. I eat too much to be anorexic. I want to stay in bed all day.
|
Re: Screaming thread.
Getting dressed is the hardest part of the day because everything makes me look so giant. How can I look so huge in a skirt that is barely small enough to stay on my waist? What am I doing to myself? I can’t do this. I need to stop, but stopping means gaining weight. It means getting back up to the weight I was in high school. I can’t do that. I can’t. I can’t go back to being the fat girl.
|
Re: Screaming thread.
I have no idea what I am doing.
I don't know what I want any longer. I don't know how to fix any of the things going wrong. I have given up but it seems like others have as well. |
Re: Screaming thread.
It's a lot!
|
Re: Screaming thread.
Volunteered for an extra shift tomorrow, hopefully I don't regret it since I'm working 3 days in a row again.
Since I'm not off now, I need more sleep. It was due on my first day, it's not done because I can't do it. So, I'm not behind, you either need to figure out a way for me to get it done, or you need to take it out. |
Re: Screaming thread.
No one wants me
|
Re: Screaming thread.
I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself
I'm so tired and I hate this place and I wish I was younger again so I didn't have to do it |
Re: Screaming thread.
This is all such bullshit.
Just do your JOB!!!! |
Re: Screaming thread.
Stay out of my personal space for crying out fucking loud
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