Re: Screaming thread.
 

I desperately need therapy. Wish that was possible right now.

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

It was so much worse than I thought.

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

I can't stop freaking out. Assuming I'm not gonna get a lot of sleep tonight.

Re: Screaming thread.
 

The truth is, I'm still struggling. I've never felt so lost before. I don't know what to do, where to go, who I am, or who I want to be. I'm just wandering in the dark, with no one to guide me. I need a light, but even the stars have faded to nothing. I should be happy now, but it all feels fake. It's easier to stay alive for now, but how long until reality makes itself clear again, and the truth comes crashing back down? Because we're both just running. We've buried the pain instead of resolving it. The resentments are boiling beneath the surface, waiting until the perfect moment to release themselves and destroy everything I've worked so hard for. I want to forgive, to see the light again, to feel hope and love. But I can't erase the heaviness that holds me down. I can wipe away the tears, but they stain my face forever. I want to move forward, but I feel trapped, lost, alone, scared. Broken, worthless, hopeless, crazy--that's how you made me feel, and time can't change that. Why would I want to put myself through all that again? Why should I give you what I needed for so long when you couldn't--wouldn't--offer me the same? You broke me beyond repair, and I think you still believe you were right. I don't know if you were, but what you did has caused me permanent scars. I really do want to forgive and move forward, but I'm not sure I can. I certainly don't know how. I'm too afraid to face any of this with a clear mind. I feel distant and disconnected. I don't know that I can ever find myself again. I don't know that I want to. So what do I do now? Where do I go from here? How do I find my way in the darkest night? How do I find the strength to heal without the resources needed? How do you hold on to hope with no external support? I can't reach out to anyone anymore. It kills me, but I can't make myself be vulnerable again. I'd rather suffer alone. I am alone. Addiction thrives in isolation--that's what they say. Isolation has made itself at home a long time ago.

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

I\'m slightly worried I messed up and will get in trouble. I don\'t think I did but my anxiety is telling me differently

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

I didn\'t really sleep. I woke up at 1:54 and could not get back to sleep.

Re: Screaming thread.
 

I\'m struggling today.

Re: Screaming thread.
 

I don\'t know how I\'m going to get through tomorrow. Let alone the rest of this week. And next week. But I was desperate enough, so it\'s my own damn fault.

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Today I\'m sad. Tomorrow will be better

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

I don\'t deserve to be OK.

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

gearing up for another shitty birthday. feeling really alone especially now that he\'s gone.

Re: Screaming thread.
 

My mind won\'t stop racing

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

They discontinued my pain meds except for Tylenol and my pain is still super high. In addition my surgery isn\'t until 4:30 tomorrow. That means over sixteen hours of no food or drink, "just in case" the surgery is earlier, but it never is. Do y\'all not take this seriously? Am I just an afterthought to you, with all these late afternoon surgeries? I really want to know. Why am I always at the end of the day? Can\'t you switch it up? Now I probably won\'t be able to go home tomorrow because I\'ll be too wonky from anesthesia. I\'ll be stuck in this hospital another fucking day, another goddamn day away from home. i hate it. I hate it so much.

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

I can\'t handle this anxiety

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Having such bad anxiety

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

can\'t stomach the powdered Mac and cheese and fried meat product but it\'s all there is. I wish he\'d buy food.

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Sometimes I hate being me

Re: Screaming thread.
 

Re: Screaming thread.
 

A client\'s cheque bounced and they\'d even put their guarantee card\'s number on the back!

So then my bank phoned me with the bad news, but at least in their kindness didn\'t charge me despite it being quite a lot.

Furious I went off to visit said client and made the bugger cough up with cash. Nothing like a fistful of readies. But I warned him never to darken my smithy again unless presenting me with cash, lest he gets my red hot poker where the sun don\'t shine. :dem: