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Re: Screaming thread.
The excitement and emotions I have fade so fast. I wish I could be excited about things for longer before I start worrying about something else.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I. Am. So. Fucking. Stupid.
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Re: Screaming thread.
It was there and now it's not, and that's not the one I deleted PLEASE FIX IT before I need it. Unless this is a sign.
Not everyone has f***ing iTunes. Why can't I get it on Amazon?!! |
Re: Screaming thread.
My mom is going to drive me insane. At this point I won't make it to Florida.
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Re: Screaming thread.
GOD THEY'RE SO... GAH! Ignore me for weeks, and then all of the sudden want to hug me and actually acknowledge my existence just so you can tell me: you hate me, want to kill me, hope I stop destroying myself but won't care if I don't, you hate Pat, and your lives suck more than mine.
Thanks Matt. Thanks Cody. Fuck you both. What "friends" you are. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I really need to cut. I think I'm going to relapse soon. I just want it all to stop. I don't know. I'm aching for the blade. And everything is adding up and I can't help but want to. I'm in denial. Maybe I'm insane. And I fucking hate myself for being like this.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Why can't I just let go of all this and be normal for once?
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm so fucking stupid, I keep thinking that i'm alright and doing better then something happens and i go back down and want to cut again. I can't handle the ups and downs anymore.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Am I trying to convince people I'm fine or just convince myself?
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm starting to think your controlling nature is quite disturbing. Can't wait to leave :D
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Re: Screaming thread.
Kill me already.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Most people I come into contact with, including you, make me feel completely fucking worthless; You ask what you can do to help me, I ask you to focus on what I do right and convince me that I'm not completely incompetent and you tell me that that's my job not yours. Then when I tell you I'm seriously considering quitting because I have NO confidence in my ability to do this, you have the NERVE to tell me that I put myself in that position. I can't fucking believe this!!! Take responsibility for what you said and stop acting like you had nothing to do with it.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Really a 2.8 gpa. i'm just so fucking stupid and i'm never gonna get anywhere....
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Re: Screaming thread.
My head hurts. I did it to myself. My makeup wouldn't cover the black and blue. I deserve it.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I honestly don't even freaking get it. You never deserved me and you still don't deserve me now. What you are too damn stupid to see is that I am still hopelessly in love with you while you GET OVER ME in a MONTH and fall for some other stupid girl that I happen to KNOW. Oh wait. That's the worst part. You KNOW I am still in love with you. Wow. Just wow. I hate your freaking guts. Oh wait. That's the problem. I'm still in love with you. I can't even believe you... I just can't even believe you. And now here I am.. unable to sleep after a complete nervous breakdown....brilliant. Aren't you happy now?
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm in danger from myself. So anxious. Can't stop shaking. I hate body memories. Triggered.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Stop trying to leave. Please. I need you.
|
Re: Screaming thread.
Three hours of sleep.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Where are you? :(
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Re: Screaming thread.
So fucking fat, ugly, and disgusting. Everybody fucking hates my guts.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Two in the morning and I can\'t sleep. This is just wonderful.
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Re: Screaming thread.
You\'re not a real man. A real man would drive hours to keep her company. I real man would be willing to take off work to stay home while she\'s sick. A real man wouldn\'t neglect her, her thoughts or her feelings. A real man would treat her with respect, and with an endless amount of love.
You\'re someone who gives men a bad name. You\'re not a man, you\'re a boy. |
Re: Screaming thread.
This time of year is so incredibly triggering. It was like clockwork, every year. I\'m ashamed. An ashamed slut. Just make it January already. :\'(
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Re: Screaming thread.
Oh, just be quiet already!!! Why can\'t you be proud of me! I manage to get scholarships and get into a good college! More than you ever did!! And what do I hear \'oh maybe if you got excellent grades, like your friend Desiree, may be you can actually do something that will be good for you.\' What the hell!!! Just because I know I can be just as smartas dezy doesnt mean I want to. I want to enjou my life as it comes not study myself to no end. And I already gave up on what Iwwanted to do and chose an other career and yet your still not happy!?!?! I dont want to be a doctor or a lawyer like you always nag me to be!! I want to sing! But you said no, so I went to technology. But no!! JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!
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Re: Screaming thread.
Why do you have to remind me how ugly I am EVERY SINGLE DAY?
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Re: Screaming thread.
Honestly I\'d walk to see you.
Thanks a lot, mom, for taking me away from him... |
Re: Screaming thread.
I just wish today was over with already. Today has just been the worst day ever.
|
Re: Screaming thread.
For once, I want to hear you say it back.
Just once. "I love you too." Just. Once. |
Re: Screaming thread.
This picture shows exactly how I feel about you. You got mad at me for the same thing you\'re doing, yet it\'s okay when you do it. Then, you didn\'t tell me about her, lied to me, lied to HER, AND you expected me to be your backup while you went to try and date her. I\'m not yours anymore, so leave me alone. Haven\'t you done enough already?
https://d202m5krfqbpi5.cloudfront.ne...2p8/751146.jpg |
Re: Screaming thread.
Thanks for agreeing that i\'m fucked up, its really nice of you...
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Re: Screaming thread.
I feel like I don\'t have the right to love someone. :\'(
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Re: Screaming thread.
I feel gross in general. And moody.
|
Re: Screaming thread.
You\'re so full of shit.
I just wanted to be liked. But you\'re just as unaccepting as the real world. |
Re: Screaming thread.
djfksdsjrserjs;f
Headache. Plus my mum was all, "It\'s probably because you\'ve been in bed too long" No. It\'s because if you remember that time I went to the doctors they said I have a damaged neck muscle. Sleeping in certain positions now produces headache upon waking. Sigh. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Well, weighing myself this morning was a mistake. I even underestimated how fat I am. So, I\'ve set goals for daily calorie intake and the weight I eventually want to be, I\'ll get there in no time. Fuck off, Mam, I don\'t want lunch. Or dinner later. Cheers. Let me be. I want to cut the shit out of myself. Look at the state of me. So big and fat and ugly. I wish I could slash my thighs into pieces and cut all the fucking fat out of them. I\'m so worthless. The numbers need to be lower. I need to look better. I should be better. But it\'s impossible. Why can\'t I just die already?
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Re: Screaming thread.
I finally get the fuck to sleep but have a nightmare anyway. It\'s only twelve thirty. It should be later than that. Damn it. I wish I could take a remote and fast forward through time. I wish you fucking cared. But don\'t worry, there\'s no need to pretend to even care!
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Re: Screaming thread.
Why am I such a hypocrite?!
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Re: Screaming thread.
You are in the office for another 45 minutes so I got your voice mail because...
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Re: Screaming thread.
I can\'t fucking take it!
I CAN\'T DO THIS ANYMORE I DON\'T THINK I CAN LIVE THIS LIFE ANYMORE BEING SO SCARED AND RECKLESS AND WORTHLESS. I just can\'t fight this fight. My leg hurts from cutting again after I thought I was going to last. I have a perfect boyfriend and my family is all in town and I was doing pretty good, 1 Month self harm free and then fuck it I can\'t even make it through one silly trigger and bam I have to talk myself out of sawing my arm off or putting a fucking rope around my neck! Why can\'t I just be happy! It was just Christmas! I got a phone and some beats and a lot of band merch and my family is in town and my boyfriend might actually like me but honestly it\'s too dark in my head to let any of that stuff matter. Matthew wants me dead. Mimi doesn\'t want me to be her friend anymore. Jack and Cody and god knows who else hate me. My parents are fighting more than ever. My boyfriend is talking to me less and less and I\'m scared I\'m losing him. My family doesn\'t understand, my friends don\'t, hell I\'m not even sure TeenHelp understands me anymore because here I am complaining when I should just. Be. Happy. I hate myself every single second and actually want to leave this life behind. I don\'t think I deserve love, or happiness, or the air I\'m breathing anymore. I just don\'t give a shit what happens to me, if I die tomorrow I don\'t want anyone to care or cry or even notice that I\'m gone. I just want to hide under my bed and never come out because I know no one will miss me. I\'d be doing this world a favor because really I\'m such a piece of shit that I\'m too worthless for anything above existence. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Thanks. Thanks, assholes. It\'s always my goddamned fault, right? So you all snap at me and make me feel like shit. I was dreading this stupid lunch to begin with so thanks for making it a whole hell of a lot worse! I\'m so fucking fed up with you people. I don\'t even know you anymore. So don\'t go around acting like you know me because you barely know anything about my life.
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