TeenHelp - Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

TeenHelp (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/)

- Why Me? (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f31-why-me/)

- - Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread. (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f31-why-me/t115887-screaming-thread/)

Re: Screaming thread.

I hate this, just once can I not have fucking memories. I want to cut the feelings away. I want to die. I hate this. It's not fair, I wish I was normal!!!!!!!!!

Re: Screaming thread.

I feel like a fucking failure!

Re: Screaming thread.

I hate hate hate hate this.

Does it say "doormat" on my head or something.

I give up

Re: Screaming thread.

I'll never be good enough. Once a failure, always a failure.

Re: Screaming thread.

The good news: I'm 99.9% sure that I have this disorder which makes my entire life make sense and could keep me in my program by protecting me from an unfair dismissal.

The bad news: Very few if any people with this disorder have survived long term in my chosen profession, meaning that my ability to stay in my program could very well prove to be a worthless waste of time and money.

You keep telling me it's fixable and offering to help me so it had better work because if anyone can do it I can.

Re: Screaming thread.

I have exams coming up and you want to pile on my already increasing stress levels D: What the fuck is wrong with you!? I thought you understood me! But all you can see is this other person, who doesn't seem to give a damn about it! Snap out of your fairy tale world and stop bugging me! I do not want to listen to your stupid whinny nonsense! Let me study! Damn you!!

Re: Screaming thread.

Thanks mom for making me feel like shit. Oh and thanks again mom for telling me you don't want me around anymore.

Re: Screaming thread.

Why accuse me of not starting conversations when you don't say much either? You know I'm shy and reserved in person, yet you still expect me to change magically overnight into the person you want me to be. Why do you say everything is fine when you've barely said shit to me today? Why do I have to put in all the effort in a relationship where I don't even feel loved or cared about? Why are you so confusing? You'll be leaving in less than 2 months anyways, I don't want to waste my time anymore. Maybe I'm just being paranoid and insecure. If you really do like me for me, and not because I'm always there, then show me something. Be committed. Make an effort to open me up, because there might be something there worth all your efforts. Stay with me during my ups and downs, and I'll try and do the same. If not, then I don't know if this can go on.

Re: Screaming thread.

Why did you have to do it? Why promise in the first place!

Re: Screaming thread.

Why is TeenHelp down always, specially when I need it!! URGH!!

Well, its great you are ignoring me! Welcome to the "Let's hate her club".
Thank you for making me feel worthless and unwanted! Don't worry you are not the only one! I am kinda immune to this shit now!

Re: Screaming thread.

Oh, I've been doing nothing for 7 months? I love - LOVE - that you can dismiss completely the month of work I did have. I love even more that you can dismiss the fact I've applied to fucking loads of jobs, and that it's not my damn fault I'm not getting any of them. Just because I don't have a job, doesn't mean I haven't been looking every damn day to find one. Just because I haven't got a job doesn't mean you can brush off my comments about getting no time to myself. I live in this house because I have to right now. I don't have a room to go to when I'm pissed off or upset and lets face it, nobody else here cares when I'm upset. You all cared so much when I didn't live here and I was 140 miles away because you didn't have to see me every day, so giving a shit was a lot easier.

Roll on university when I can be out for 5 days a week.
Although you'll still favour everyone else anyway.

Re: Screaming thread.

Then the moment of truth bears me to mind!
I have been emotionally used just for attention!
Dropped like I'm nothing but trash!!!
No one gives a shit how I even feel or care for anyone!!

Fuck life, fuck everything!!

Re: Screaming thread.

I've taken everything they say I need for that, disorder aside, do I really know anything? and if not what do I do now. I'm hoping that a quick review of the material and actually using it will bring it all back because if it doesn't, I'm completely screwed.

Re: Screaming thread.

My grade is so high right now that if I miss so much as a single question it spirals downwards. Have to love perfectionism. :glare:

Re: Screaming thread.

I am giving up.. I can't take this anymore..

Re: Screaming thread.

Fucking leave them alone, they help people that's all they do they make one mistake and you're all hating! Leave me alone too

Re: Screaming thread.

You are the most evil person on the face of this planet, and you will NEVER be redeemed for the things you have done. And I will never forgive you.

Re: Screaming thread.

I have the most important exam of my life tomorrow and I am ill, emotionally drained out and mentally fucked up! Wow! What luck!

Re: Screaming thread.

Now we get to go over there and have her treat us like shit the whole time because of what happened which none of us had anything to do with and the person who did won't be there. I fing hate this

Re: Screaming thread.

Just do it already, I know it's coming.

Re: Screaming thread.

You know what, I am done, done with everyone's bullcrap. I am not bearing up with your nonsense anymore. I don't need you, get it? I can live happily without you. Took me a while to realize this, but YAY to my realization.!!

Re: Screaming thread.

I've fucking had it with this bullshit. I can't deal with any of you people right now.

"Thanks for paying for it yourself; that show some responsibility."

"I really think going tomorrow would be good for you. You can pay me back if you don't."

Look, I'm sorry I didn't look and see what was above me. I'm sorry I hit my head on that cabinet. But it was a fucking accident! Anyone could have done it. But no, if I do it I'm irresponsible. I have to pay for missing therapy tomorrow. What the fuck am I supposed to say? Do I really seem like I want to TALK? Or ride the bus in a thunderstorm, which, by the way, is the forecast? Do you really think I am going to be that fucking productive helping my fellow group mates with their issues when I can barely think straight? Really?

Don't think I didn't hear her whispering to you in the kitchen. Do I know exactly what you were saying? No. But I can hazard a guess. I know you all think I am a hypochondriac, and you know what, sure, I am a little bit. I will give you that. But I did what you're fucking supposed to do: if you have a headache that is getting worse and no amount of medicine or rest or icing your head is helping, you go to the Emergency Room! I was being responsible for my health. Dammit, I couldn't SLEEP, or think, or anything. What the hell was I supposed to do? Stay up all night in pain? Which, by the way, I did anyway. Yeah, that's right: in almost 36 hours I've gotten ONE, count 'em, ONE hour of good sleep. I'm exhausted.

So don't give me that "do you think you're really trying your best with this?" crap. That's why I didn't want to go in the first place. I had to be CONVINCED by a nurse and by friends to go, because I knew, I KNEW, you would say something like that. Do you think this is what I want? Do you think I WANT to be dizzy and in f*cking miserable pain? Do You think I ENJOY this? You think this makes me happy? I had PLANS! I was going to go out tomorrow with friends! My boyfriend comes back after a three-week long trip this week! You think I WANT to potentially still be on this stupid medication (which, by the way, isn't helping that much after three doses, thank you, Dr. G) when he's back? I don't think so. So don't give me that "are you trying your best?" crap. Like I'm enjoying this somehow, enjoying the attention. Like I have nothing better to do than sit in bed.

And you know what the worse part is? I can't deal with this right now. I have NO patience for other people's frustration right now, let alone my own. My meds have been off for a couple of days, and they will continue to be off because I am too scared to take that one medication with the new one prescribed last night for fear that the two combined will have adverse side effects. Slim chance, but I don't want to risk it. And that doctor wasn't exactly "informative."

So don't, don't give me this shit. I'm too tired, my head is legitimately in pain, I am legitimately sensitive to light and sound, and I am legitimately allergic to people's bullshit right now. So I am sorry about the damn cabinet. You can even call me irresponsible, if you want. But don't, DON'T you DARE ask me if I'm "not giving this my best shot." Don't you fucking dare.

I love you guys, but sometimes, sometimes y'all are pretty damn shitty to me when it comes to my health. It's why I'm terrified now to ever go to the doctor for anything that isn't obviously super serious, because I know I'll just get that look, that slight judgment. Thank you for just reinforcing that fear again.

Re: Screaming thread.

I should have kept my fucking mouth shut, not tell the truth. God fucking dammit.
I dont want to live anymore. I should just end all of this bullshit...

Re: Screaming thread.

So 300 people are meeting at a park tomorrow, my year as a goodbye thing. mum is making me go and they are all just going to fucking rip me to shreds and laugh at me. Samaritans are just down the road lol might go see them instead.

Re: Screaming thread.

Fine, runaway. Sorry I can't give you what you want. Sorry I've been such a disappointment. Sorry if I'm so frustrating. Sorry I wasted your time. Sorry I liked you and made things so complicated. Sorry for trying. Fuck you.

Re: Screaming thread.

Yeah its all my fault, what next?

Re: Screaming thread.

What if I can't do it? I have the subtype that increases my risk of that, don't make me go there. Unless you learn to do this in a way that I can accept this WILL NOT work and if this falls apart, so will I.

Re: Screaming thread.

Now I know what I mean to people and where I stand in their lives.
Thanks guys.. you actually made my life even more shitty!!

Re: Screaming thread.

Back is fucking killing me today, hurts to even sit. Today's gonna be rough.

Re: Screaming thread.

I try to get to know you but you want nothing to do with a low life like me I get it but how about you act like that all the time rather than in the group act like you're my friend. Oh well

Re: Screaming thread.

I am done with people like you.I am not going to bear it anymore. No more making me feel unwanted. From now, I am leaving for myself, you can fuck off. Because, I stopped caring.

Re: Screaming thread.

Failure.

I'll never be good enough.

Re: Screaming thread.

his birthday wish was for everything to be beautiful but hes too young to know that he's destined for a life of crap and Ive tried to help but I cant

Re: Screaming thread.

"They say, there's plenty of fish in the sea.
I say, screw you, for she was my whole ocean."

Re: Screaming thread.

My legs hurt and I'm being lazy.

Re: Screaming thread.

If you think that is going to make me feel bad, naaah, sorry, I grew up!