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Re: Screaming thread.
I am not okay. I don't know if I ever will be. So much on my mind. Haven't slept. What to do. Will I ever be good enough? What am I going to do with myself. I know one solution but in the end it will just make me feel worse.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Just one fucking last courage, to end it all...
it's easier to die now than live life... |
Re: Screaming thread.
I don't feel strong today and it's taking every last ounce of strength not to harm myself.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Really starting to hate my brain.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm a mom. I can't have bad days. I have him to worry about.
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Re: Screaming thread.
God damn!!
Why?! |
Re: Screaming thread.
Whelp, this is all one big fucking mess. My dad somehow managed to break his foot by jumping off of a dock like a fucking idiot, so now I have to cater to his every need. That includes bringing him food, making him coffee, and packing his god damned STUPID wagons that I don't give a shit about. Seriously. He sells so many fucking wagons that my mom and I have to drive AN HOUR north to our warehouse just to pack his stupid fucking merchandise. We spend six or seven hours moving parts, taping boxes, and carrying heavy-ass sleds around a warehouse. When we finish, we finally get to go back home, but there's another hour of driving in between us and home. When we finally get there around midnight, guess what he did? He sold THREE MORE. That means that we get to wake up the next morning and drive all the fucking way back, only to find out that we're out of a specific part, so WE CAN'T EVEN PACK THE FUCKING THINGS. We go back home, and we end up driving two hours for nothing. If that wasn't bad enough, I think I forgot to mention that I have to empty his fucking PISS JAR three times a day. All this while he's bitching at me about being too hot, too cold, too WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS. Plus, I have to finish my accelerated course that he's making me take over the summer so I can be "more in tune with my academic skills", whatever the fuck that means, but between the wagons, the piss, and his random whining, I've no time to actually get shit done. I'm supposed to be taking Calculus 1 in September, and I'm not even halfway through Precalculus. This doesn't even factor in the persistent depression that my mom's had since March when both her parents suddenly dropped dead, which makes her into some kind of fucking beast who needs to slaughter anything happy, cheerful, or not bad anywhere in my family's life. This entire fucking year has been one giant shit sandwich. I don't know how much more I can take.
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Re: Screaming thread.
You're gonna be alone forever. You're never gonna get what you want.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I just want to cry, but I have no tears left. I haven't been able to cry in weeks. >.<
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Re: Screaming thread.
I FUCKING CANT.
You act as if I have an actual CHOICE when you ask But really I don't I don't want to have anything To do with this stupid fucking drama would you kindly leave me and my things out of it. FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU And of course you do this when I'm physically incapable of calming down. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Why is it that every time I get a break, I end up getting SICK?!?! GO AWAY NOW!
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Re: Screaming thread.
You're one of the biggest reasons I don't believe in love. You're one of the reasons I don't allow myself to love. Sorry I fucking snapped but I am so fucking tired of you and your bullshit its like you constantly have to remind me that love doesn't last. So whats the point?
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Re: Screaming thread.
FUCK! I CANT FUCKIN KICK THIS HABIT DAMMIT!!! THAT FUCKING VIDEO IS SHIT! THEY SAY "It means something" WELL FUCK NO IT DOESNT ITS THERE TO FUCKING SCAR YOUR BRAIN TILL YOUR DEATH BELL CHIMES!
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Re: Screaming thread.
Maybe if you were RESPECTFUL of girls, they'd like you and would overlook the fact that you have bad acne and a tiny dong. Calling me a bitch? At least I have the balls to say enough is ENOUGH.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Fucking fuck I am so sore. I hate sun burns. Dammit. My entire back, legs, feet, and next are lobester red and it fucking kills.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Oh for godsakes. Added all the calories up and I am ruining my progress.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Fucking hell!
Now I'm gonna go through a shitty, depressed week again and again!! |
Re: Screaming thread.
I miss you... Please, come back soon :(
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Re: Screaming thread.
--I've been off this class of medication for weeks now because you never called me back and you were supposed to and that was after I called you twice in a week HELLO!
--I've been without this medication for almost a week now because you have to approve it for the insurance. You've been faxed the information (almost a week ago) and contacted by the pharmacy on my behalf "several times" WITHOUT A RESPONSE! You are a DOCTOR for crying out loud, not responding is NOT an option! There is a good chance you just lost a patient, this was the last straw. I want new insurance, this is a pain in the ass!! |
Re: Screaming thread.
I NEED to get myself together. For everyone's sake.
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Re: Screaming thread.
These sleeping pills are getting to my head already I love it
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Re: Screaming thread.
Life is shit.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Sitting here crying. I don't know what to do.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm not a fucking Christian. I lie and tell you I'm a fucking Christian because you want me to be a fucking Christian and want to have me baptized and wont shut up about it! My entire family laughs at you because you are so damn insistant the entire fucking world should be Christian. "I'm open to other religions", you say. "You're going to Hell!! Convert and save yourself while you still can!" Hypocrite.
Satanists aren't devil-worshipers!!!!!!!!! (LaVeyan Satanism at least) Ozzy Osbourne is not a fucking Satanist! (Or devil-worshiper!) People shouldn't care if you are a democrat or republican or whatever branches the country has. You're a HUMAN! Do what's right, not what someone tells you to do. Stop trying to fucking convert me. I'm not going to Hell, I don't believe in Hell. Why should that affect me? Maybe I don't get straight A's in school because I don't like anyone in school and keep considering suicide during the school year- even though it's pretty much against my religion, which is the only reason I'm alive. Yes, I'm fine. Just like the last 1,000,000 times you asked. What makes you think I'll tell the truth now? GLBTP etc. people are humans too... so they should get human rights! Duh! (People didn't want to give African Americans rights, but it was still the right thing to do) The bible existing isn't proof Christianity is true. Heavy Metal isn't Satanic- in fact, the lifestyle of a rock and roll/ heavy metal singer- or most any celebrity- is very un-Satanic!! Why are so many people stupid? There's nothing wrong with anarchy- anarchy is merely a state of lawlessness. The problem is humanity; humans make it violent. Stereotypes -.- I'm not going to fucking curse you or cut your head off. I'm a Satanist, not an immoral murderer. Talking to a Satanist doesn't curse you. The Invocation of Vengeance is used with discretion, not left and right. I don't even believe in Greater Magic... This was a very long list... damn |
Re: Screaming thread.
I can't do anything right.
You are a liar, she'd never say anything like that to anyone. You're not the sun, the world doesn't revolve around you. You stretch the truth so much and I'm getting sick of it. I wish I could just be talented like everyone else. I'm sorry but not everything has to be about you. If you have a problem with me, tell me to my face. Slow down. I wish I were accepted. I thought we were going to be friends but I guess I was wrong. You expect to much of us. You really do. I freaking over think everything. |
Re: Screaming thread.
i hate myself.
i rather die |
Re: Screaming thread.
Trigger warning
Someone in my hometown committed suicide last night. She was only 13 years old. The news said she was bullied to the point where she wanted to take her own life, and she succeeded. I can't believe it. I didn't know her personally, but she was friends with my cousin. I just... I wish there wasn't bullies like that. She was such a beautiful little girl. :( |
Re: Screaming thread.
In so much pain. Can\'t think.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I\'m suddenly freaking out over this again. If he\'s the one watching it, I doubt he\'s had time. I\'m going in on Tuesday when I can deal with it. The decision will either be good and will give me the privilege that I\'ve EARNED more than anyone else, or it will be that my dream has ended because they have given up on me.
Freaking out over it won\'t change anything or make it happen any faster. Now I get to, once again, sit at home freaking out for days over this. I\'m hoping that I waste it freaking out for nothing and it turns out okay, but I\'ve learned to prepare myself for everything to fall apart. Just looked at these procedures again, maybe I\'m not ready. There\'s a learning curve and they expect me to make mistakes, but they\'re questioning even allowing me to get to the place where I can make those mistakes. I see why everyone is terrified when they start, but am I afraid because it\'s normal, or because I have extenuating circumstances. Plus I have to have passed that test. I\'m 99.9% sure that I did, if I were paranoid about it I could call her on Monday, but when I\'m going up there the next day that doesn\'t make much sense. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Going to cry, and scream as quietly as possible...
I can\'t believe it, I wanna be better... but i wasn\'t strong enough. I\'m gonna be okay... Gonna be okay... |
Re: Screaming thread.
Come Saturday come, so you can go away just as quick...
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Re: Screaming thread.
"Love is in bloom"? Certainly not for me.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Not going to cry tonight. I can\'t cry tonight as well as last night. But god, it hurts...
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Re: Screaming thread.
My brain has comeback to torture me, and the barrel spins round and round round and round. Pull and click, you were lucky this time.
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Re: Screaming thread.
What the fuck were you thinking? What the fucking FUCK were you thinking? You have the AUDACITY, the pure recklessness to drive home like that? What if you killed someone? What if YOU were killed? How could you be so careless? She could have picked you up; all you had to do was call her. But no, you want to drive twenty miles home through windy roads drunk as a skunk. For years I have ignored your behavior. I realized that if I am going to live in your house I have to make peace with it, or else I would lose my mind. But this, THIS is some other shit. I have never been more disgusted by your drinking than I am now, save that one other time I don\'t even care to talk about. There is no excuse, absolutely none, for what you did tonight. None.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I am so fucking exhausted but I can\'t fall back asleep. I hate this nightmares. Now I want to fucking cut to help me calm down. I hate this. I want to fucking sleep peacefully for one night and not wake up from a nightmare. :\'( I fucking hate thos
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Re: Screaming thread.
He knows I love him, but love isnt enough to stop me from feeling like this. I know he wants to leave me, but he stays with me because he\'s scared i\'ll do something bad
he nearly self harmed for the first time yesterday because I cut 24 times in 20 seconds and lost it. I dont think anybody really likes me here |
Re: Screaming thread.
I cant do this. 4 days of this. I just don\'t know if i have the patience in me for it. I will snap. I may cry. I can\'t fucking do it. It\'s too soon. >.<
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Re: Screaming thread.
I feel... tragically sad. Again.
I just... need someone. |
Re: Screaming thread.
REALLY, just because someone does it differently than you did or would, doesn\'t mean that their way is wrong. I don\'t think that has much to do with it. I SERIOUSLY hope you learn that because it\'s clear that you have never struggled with anything like this. Sometimes tough love DOESN\'T WORK. .
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