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Re: Screaming thread.
Realistically I think I don't need to worry, but I feel like such an idiot. I really have a huge mouth sometimes. Dumb bafoon.
|
Re: Screaming thread.
Great, self-hatred.
I hate myself. I'm just pathetic and not good enough. |
Re: Screaming thread.
You know what has happened to me this past year?
My grand mother got cancer. My grandfather died. My uncle got cancer. The love of my life left me. I got diagnosed with depression. Got put on a mix of sleeping tablets and anti depression tablets. And I'm still here swinging. Fuck you world. is that all you got!!! I may be down but I am NOT out. My life may be in the shitter but ill pull it out and clean it off same as I always have. My life is mine. It will no longer be devoted to someone else. It will be used to make me and the world a better place. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Everything hurts and I just need to... :'(
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Re: Screaming thread.
I make everyone and myself miserable without even trying. I should just go fucking die in the bathroom. :'( I'm so fed up with myself. I'm crumbling and soon there will be nothing left of me then dust.
|
Re: Screaming thread.
I have the same dreams, desires, and more drive than everybody else. The only difference is that my fate is to fail at EVERYTHING no matter how badly I want it, how hard I work at it, or how dedicated I am to it. Prove my wrong and give me ONE good reason not to do that. Go ahead, I dare you!
Now I've had a dream where they reversed it as unfair. Really wish it never happened or that they do that, but I don't think they will. I'm out of words to describe how bad this feels, not to mention I let everybody down and I have to watch with jealousy as everybody else who wants a masters degree earns one, no problems, no delays, no being screwed over. Now I had another one that I went back and there was noting in my room so I had to sleep directly on my mattress and I didn't have food or anything else. I really wish I knew what they meant because now they're going to bug me |
Re: Screaming thread.
I feel both sick and down. This weeks been just bad.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Why am I so superstitious... this habit is getting the best of me. I'm losing my sanity cause I don't understand how the universe perceives chance and risk in the same basket.
|
Re: Screaming thread.
STOP. ASKING. STUPID. QUESTIONS. FFS.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I just... want to die, the pain is just...
No, got to live.... I got to live... |
Re: Screaming thread.
Why do you let your fucking dogs eat the food that's meant for the stray cats?! Ugh. Fucking people. :glare:
|
Re: Screaming thread.
"Because I said so"
"Because I told you to" "Because I want to" "Because I can" "Try me" "I don't need to tell you shit" --------------------------- "Just do what she says" "She'll stop bitching If you do what she wants" "We had a deal. Do what your mother says; you're only here for X more months" "You're not going to win" Bullshit. This has nothing to do with victory or improving my image. I'm not without my own standards and guidelines to live by. The 40's are over, and my infancy has long past. To act blindly in the face of irrationality is to give in to ignorance. Give me reason or I won't deliver, no matter the cost. Sometimes I wonder who the child really is. |
Re: Screaming thread.
WHY THE FUCK IS THIS SO FUCKING HARD! FUCK! i GIVE UP! just fucking will waste away like a piece of shit. damn. AGGHHHH! I'v tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried..... and tried and tried and tried..... and tried. etc. and guess what? I'm still here. At square one. Dont wake me up tomorrow. I know i'm not strong enough to face it. I dont want to go through it again. I hate it. Double hate... LOATHE! aughh! Dont wake me up. I just want to sleep through the whole day. then wake up in the morning and feel accomplished because I went an entire day without having to deal with it. Except... I'm sure it'll follow me in my dreams. thats even if I sleep at night. I'm done. Okay? I'm not okay. I'M NOT FUCKING OKAY! Damn it! Please help me. I can't do this alone. I would rather be dead than have to go on living life with this every day. After all i'm as good as dead with it. If i'm not now I will be. I cant do this alone. (sobbing)
|
Re: Screaming thread.
FUCK EVERYTHING.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I know I don't deserve it, but I'm begging for just ONE MORE chance. Or at least the hearing you made it sound like I was definitely getting.
What do you do when it feels like the whole world has turned it's back on you? Turns out I sent it to the "wrong" person (who didn't tell me and just said she'd take care of it) PLEASE take care of this and don't let that cost me a valid appeal. I think I"m still within my 14 days and it can only help. |
Re: Screaming thread.
What's the point of giving life any chances when all that happens is more tragic?!
God fucking... damnit! |
Re: Screaming thread.
I hate how this turned out!
|
Re: Screaming thread.
I just wish this day could get better....:(
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Re: Screaming thread.
Pathetic body...
How the hell did i even get to this state? Weak, and just ugh... Fucking depression really just pin me against the wall causing me unable to do what I want... |
Re: Screaming thread.
- I studied for fourteen hours. Sixteen. Hours. In two days, preparing for this exam. I looked over that review guide closely, again and again. I spent three hours alone going through the entire semester's worth of notes to highlight what was on the review, then typing up the stuff that wasn't already in my notes. I poured over my textbook and my notes. I spent my date night studying; my girlfriend quizzed me for four hours straight over twelve chapters' worth of content. My tension headache came back from the combination of too much reading and stress. The headache might interfere with my plans for the weekend if it doesn't go away by tomorrow.
So I get to the testing center today. I get that exam, confident that I did the best I could with my studying. "I've got this," I told myself... And then I get the exam. And I quickly realize that I am so woefully unprepared, because over half the content of that exam was not in the final exam review. I have a pretty damn good memory. I think that's the only thing that got me a B instead of a C. And thankfully I should still get an A in the class. But I am pissed. Your review was incredibly misleading, and I am deeply upset by this. I will definitely be writing a review about your class online. - You're telling me you really don't understand why that question might upset me? Really? You can't think of a single reason why my feelings might be hurt by that? I'm not stupid. I know you mean well. But there's a way to approach things that isn't going to put me on edge. And when you say it the way you did it just makes me think you think so low of me in so many ways. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Why is it so fucking cold??? All the fucking time. Fuck. And why am I fucking saying all these "bad" words. I dont fucking know what happened. Oh, wait... Maybe because I havent fucking slept in the past fucking three weeks. hmm. good explanation. Fuck you too asshole. Why am I the one having to not sleep and deal with these nightmares when you were the jerk that violated my body. Really. Couldnt it be the opposite where your guilty conscious wouldnt let you sleep at night? But noooo, you think its fine and everythings okay. That after a God damn ten years, I should just forget about it. Hell no. Think again asshole. Thats a complete bitch move. Fucking shit. Its almost 2 am and i'm still awake. My mind cant stop replaying it all. . . So scared... shit. I'm so messed up.
|
Re: Screaming thread.
I don't know what the fuck I'm meant to do.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Fuck you all (not you guys, the people in real life)
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Re: Screaming thread.
Over the past 4-6 days, I lost 10 years of my life.
I swear I should change the way I am. Stop mucking it up so much, all the time. Limit is up! I set the limit now I'm over the limit, time to stop....... |
Re: Screaming thread.
I just want to not exist, I don't feel alive... as if I wasn't meant to be fucking alive in the first place.
There's something wrong in me. :( |
Re: Screaming thread.
What\'s going on with me? Why am I hearing things? Why am I seeing moves and shadows that aren\'t here? And why do I feel the freezing paranoia embracing me?
Ugh Please just make it end |
Re: Screaming thread.
I guess sleep was getting better tonight... better than nothing.
But ugh then I had to dream about big disgusting spiders climbing up my body. Why why freaking why me, god. I feel worse than icky right now. And I can\'t believe I\'m exhausted WHILE my body is 0% tempted to sleep. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I swear, you love to start crap with me on a daily basis! I\'m sick and damned tired of it!!
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Re: Screaming thread.
Do you realize how annoying you have become now! It\'s really getting difficult, mom. Stop doing this daily. I am finding it hard to control my temper. So stop this before I fly off my handle and this gets worse.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I\'m alone, I just wanted to feel again. I\'m sad and I want to be okay :\'(
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Re: Screaming thread.
Why do I still feel like this.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I\'m fucking fearing what could become of me, I feel like... I\'m losing myself.
One snap of my mind and I fear I\'ll just... lose it, I\'m really scared... Maybe this whole time I\'ve became too arrogant to believe that I can\'t break who I am, I just fear I might become a different person in the future. Someone I don\'t wanna be... I have a screaming fear to calm down. *Sighs* |
Re: Screaming thread.
You just can\'t be wrong, can you? You\'re right about every damned thing you say, doesn\'t matter what I say, because I\'m automatically wrong!!
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Re: Screaming thread.
This is getting too much to bear, right now.
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Re: Screaming thread.
CLOSE THE FREAKING DOOR BEHIND YOU
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Re: Screaming thread.
This had BETTER be because of finals and vacation and NOT because you\'re just never going to take care of this
NOT the best interview I\'ve ever had, but it\'s still the only one. I REALLY hope I get back in because this is ridiculous. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I\'m sick and tired of this, I can\'t take it any longer!
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Re: Screaming thread.
Why do I exist?
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Re: Screaming thread.
i hate him i Hate Him I FUCKING HATE HIM. I HATE BOTH OF THEM WHY THE FUCK AM I IN SO MUCH PAIN.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I try so hard to just... hold on.
So fucking hard. No one knows how hard it is, no one understands... Maybe I just need more pain... |
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