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Re: Screaming thread.
I will always be a burden. There is only one way of getting rid of a burden.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'd rather be dead than sad for the rest of my life. I can't handle this shit anymore
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Re: Screaming thread.
Get the fuck out of my head. You've already ruined my relationship. Don't ruin anything else.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I hate having to pee all the time! (TMI, I know!) But it's becoming a real problem!
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Re: Screaming thread.
Why me? Why must I be suffering like this? Why? Why? Why?!
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Re: Screaming thread.
Having your entire life collapse SUCKS. I spent 7 months completely crushed, on the verge of suicide and it took every ounce of strength I had just to breathe. Then I started to come out of it, but I still have some days like that. Some days I'm fine with it, other days all I want to do is go back. Some days I'm ready to meet with her to consider moving on, and the next even thinking about it makes me nauseous. On the rare occasions that I got it right, I was willing to do anything for the feeling it gave me, but it went wrong fast and the crashes were incredibly painful. Some days I want to meet with him because he was never able to provide the help he offered me, other days I don't want to face him again. While I will never blame them for doing it, I will blame them for their treatment of me and others and criticize the way they handled things, that will never change. It's the up and down that I can't handle now. You have no idea how exhausting this is.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Things are already really fucking hard for me right now and you have to fucking stab me in the back! Thanks a lot you son of a bitch. I thought you said you cared about me. I thought you said you would never leave me. Turns out you're just another fucking bitch like everyone else I've ever tried to trust.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I should just do the world a favor and disappear.....
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Re: Screaming thread.
You fucking liar. What have I done to you to deserve that?
Happy fucking birthday. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I know that I need to do this, so why do I feel so guilty about it?! :glare:
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Re: Screaming thread.
You fucking bitch. You turned me into a fucking walking train wreck, yet all you do is blame me and my father. Your a goddamn black hole of despair. I hope you drop dead.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Now that it's about 13 hours away I don't want to do this It would help if I had dealt with you more than twice in the last 3 years and I knew what to expect.
I'd still much prefer him, but he's busy being dad and even if he's back working he doesn't have to and I'm the last thing he needs, but at least he treated me like a human being. Okay, so if this isn't the answer then what is, I know you think I have all the time and options in the world, but I really don't. I know you can't ask about it, but I'd like to disclose it to somebody so they don't think I'm being lazy or too picky when I turn down the typical first jobs because I know that my disability prevents me from holding them for more than 5 seconds. And I really hope you weren't suggesting that 3 recommendations from counseling faculty wouldn't happen. I understand that they're busy, but I was told they would and they're the only recent sources I have. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I hate that I can never get any answers out of anyone about anything.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Email: your username is incorrect.
Me: NO IT ISNT YOU DUMB SHITS |
Re: Screaming thread.
Scared of everything. What's wrong with me? :(
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Re: Screaming thread.
That uneasy nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach is back. I HATE not knowing what I'm supposed to do in life and no one wants the details of my neurological roadblocks which just makes everything harder because they don't have the whole picture; so while I know none of their advice is good, they don't. They don't get that I'm not being disrespectful, lazy, too picky, or not trying hard enough, that when I say I can't do something, I literally mean it's neurologically impossible. They think I have all the time in the world to figure this out, but I don't. At least I know I'm capable of something (today anyway). I thought I had it all figured out and now I'm left with NOTHING! Suicide really is the only option I have.
I would absolutely LOVE to share my story, but if future employers google me (which they will), and find it, (which they will), it's going to jeopardize everything and I can't risk that. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I hate it when people are so rude!
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Re: Screaming thread.
Home alone for nearly two weeks and creeped the fuck out of the dark in this house, no way in hell I'm living on my own. Hell no sir...
In other news... I fucking hate myself, useless... weak... and ugly. That why people are just likely to leave me... Also, how am I gonna say I don't wanna try out the acting course and that... other one. There's no point, I have no purpose and all I do is... I don't know. Can't write too, I was until something... basically blocked that. There's no point, to living even... I'm just a number, on this world. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I hate how long it takes a game to download on the computer.
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Re: Screaming thread.
So worthless and useless.....
Should just give up..... |
Re: Screaming thread.
Why are you so damn selfish? Do you even care about me or pepe? Ya your not queen of the universe, thank you very much. Get over yourself and stop being a bitch.
also I REALLY WANT SOME PIE!!! ....or pretty much anything with lots of sugar. |
Re: Screaming thread.
This is why I never ever like make plans with you because when I do you like either totally mug me off, change the plans or are late and you like basically leave me looking like a fucking idiot in town on my own outside cinema have now sat down outside cinema looking like a right fucking mug why can't you just like be on time not mug me off or leave the plans as they are. Prick.
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Re: Screaming thread.
New career ideas. I HATE this! One second I'm an extreme suicide risk and the next I'm seriously contemplating a PhD I hate feeling this way and not knowing what I'm going to do. I went from having it all figured out to being stuck between research and human contact because the combined degrees are worthless and my broken brain prevents the clinical work I would love. And it looks like my disability will prevent this again, they're SUPER selective and I probably wouldn't get in.
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Re: Screaming thread.
3 hours sleep...
what the fuck is wrong with my brain and body? I wake up, and I'm tired as fuck yet I've been trying to get back to sleep for ages... What the fuck... I feel like hell. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Way too hot, rain pls
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Re: Screaming thread.
I woke up this morning and my eyes were all puffy and swollen. I HATE it.
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Re: Screaming thread.
If you would do your job like I've been asking you to for the last 6 MONTHS I wouldn't be running out of meds so often, having to go without for up to weeks at a time, or calling to get more, explain this AGAIN, and nag you every 5 minutes! I HATE doing this
"Go back to psychology" There are SO MANY reasons that's IMPOSSIBLE. People need to stop assuming I'm smarter than I am, they suggest options that are out of the question and apparently recommendations won't be as easy to secure as I was originally told which means you lied to me too. Even if I did get in to that (which I absolutely won't), it would take forever, be SUPER expensive, and research at the complete exclusion of human contact which would drive me insane. If there were jobs in that I would jump on it, but they are virtually nonexistent and I can't afford that. |
Re: Screaming thread.
What is life...?
I am not... anything. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I really am losing the fuck out of it...
With my sleep problems and my body becoming somewhat severely depressed, I feel... sick. My brain and eyes hurt, and my eyes are... red most of the time... Just... fucking.. how did I get into this state? It's enough to have mental issues but good god i feel like i just wanna... lie down and die. Other than that, I exposed my awareness to sick and evil things in the world. It's bad enough to think there are murderers and rapers, but organised... sick fucks? On the damn deep web? Innocents have died as they play their acts on them, and there's so much much much more pain than I thought there is in this world... But their darkness must end but how...? I don't have the power and courage to do anything... I just worry if the person I love could become a victim... but it won't happen. But it does happen to other... innocents. I might as well be Batman, if I had the brain and money... *sighs* |
Re: Screaming thread.
Ok i get why your upset but even still you have no room to complain. I clean this house everyday without any help and i never complain. EVER. The reason it wasnt clean last week was because i wasnt there to clean it, and hell if he ever does it. It wasnt clean yesterday or today because im freaking exhausted from trying to take care of this puppy. Hes my dog, i have to be the one to pull him away from every little thing he chews on. But still, i forget ONCE, and you start fusing and crying saying that i dont do anything, im lazy, your the one who has toccome home and do all of this...BULLSHIT. suck it up, im just as frusterated as you are, but at least i dont throw a fuss about it all the time.:glare:
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Re: Screaming thread.
I really hope you're careful about how you represent yourself. You can NOT be a licensed/license-eligible clinical mental health professional of any kind with autism; I know because I tried with a milder disorder and my life collapsed. If you somehow managed to do it, I'm EXTREMELY jealous, if you didn't, please don't misrepresent your qualifications.
If I could've finished the counseling program, could survive with a masters in psychology, or could survive with a masters in health education, my life would be SO MUCH easier!!! I want clinical work so freaking bad, but my dream is impossible, end of. If only I had been born normal. When I said I'd be better off, I meant it and this is not exactly countering me on that. I like the idea of research of topics I like and maybe getting published, but All the extra stuff and complete lack of time and human contact.. I just can't. Stop assuming I'm PhD. material, you obviously haven't done your homework. I know I'm not even close to qualified, even if I did get in it's terrifying, and it would probably kill me. Absolutely NOT Something is seriously wrong. Somebody HELP oh that's right, there's nobody to do it anymore. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I can't hear out of my left ear! FUCK!!!!
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Re: Screaming thread.
Lately I've felt really crummy, and I just wish that I would start to feel better.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm a burden and will always be a burden
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Re: Screaming thread.
headaches, insomnia, sore joints, can you please not exist for the next 1837392962737472828 years
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Re: Screaming thread.
Humanity fucks me off so much that it's pretty much an understatement to say that I want to watch the world burn...
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Re: Screaming thread.
Im a caged bird. Im never going to get out of this hell hole. I hate it here. Im not going to survive, how am i supposed to survive four more years of this? Im stuck.i just wish that someone would listen, truly listen, and not just pretend like they give a fuck, and let me actually experience life, instead of caging me up. This is not my home, and it never will be...
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Re: Screaming thread.
Add respiratory illness, possibly pneumonia to the list. This has been an absolute year from hell, which doesn't do it justice. I want to be neurotypical with the life I always dreamed of having
I hope God has big plans for me, I don't think I can handle anything else bad happening. I need to accept once and for all that I will never have that, but for some reason I just can't. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Xbox Live went to shit. Deleted only my profile from a suggestion and now I can't get it back because Xbox Live is still shit.
Some others are starting to get it back yet I'm stuck here with a problem of not connecting to Xbox Live or somehow being unable to sign in when I'm not even signing in. How is there even a problem with my connection? Everything is fucking fine! I'm really fucking stressed and emotional, my anxiety is making me feel sick. I'm losing another part of my life that makes me happy. I'm fucking agitated and mad- hell, I'm losing my fucking mind! |
Re: Screaming thread.
I don't matter anymore, I'm a number on the population of the world...
So I have no value in me, I have no talent or worthy skills... I would enlist into the military to be of some use but obviously I cannot due to my... disabilities. |
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