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Re: Screaming thread.
I was woken up way too early, and I have so much to do today that I didn't go back to sleep, and now I'm regretting it.
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Re: Screaming thread.
You're insane if you think you'll be able to actually do that. All I can do is scoff and roll my eyes.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I wish I was dead. . . . .
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Re: Screaming thread.
What's the point anymore?
No one cares..... Should just disappear..... |
Re: Screaming thread.
Why the fuck do you expect me to meet your expectations? I've tried so many times, but you keep raising them! How am I supposed to live my life happily when you're planning on making me a fucking Olympian and a Nobel Prize winner?
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Re: Screaming thread.
I have no motivation to do anything.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Headache and feel sick. Tired too. It's too warm here and the last few nights I've had bad dreams. Now it's also possible that my impetigo has come back. Lower back pain. Want to cry. Feel like I annoyed my counsellor by sending her a long email. Ugh, can't be bothered right now.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Tell me what you think.
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Re: Screaming thread.
The toilet broke AGAIN! Second time in less than 2 months and you have to deal with it ASAP because I can't.
Forgiving one person is hard enough. I was screwed by a TON of them. The screening process will NEVER make sense to me. These are always bad, but this is worse because I have to get up. Why are you interviewing in the morning for a shift that will start at 4AM? People on that schedule are on opposite sleep schedules. But now I'm sick too and I think the toilet may already be starting to give us trouble which means the temporary fix lasted about 10 uses. The random times and things that trigger this are ridiculous and why do I want to talk to you again?! Well, that's a job I probably won't get, but they can't agree on the shift hours even so... |
Re: Screaming thread.
Too many things on the go and I need to tell myself to "stop" and breathe. That's really unlike me to "take a break". Been doing nothing and I want to be doing things. Limited to what I can and can't do.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I love how I'm being ignored. :glare: Only not really.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I genuinely hate everything about myself. I hate how much I hate everything and how I can't change it all. No wonder I can't make my own damn friends. Who would want to be near this.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I would love to not be sick anymore, been miserable for the last 2 days.
I feel weird. My guess is I'm slipping again; at least I got a few hours of hope. I need to stop with this. It's probably not going to get resolved, at least not the way I wish it could be. Thinking about it all the time just makes my life more difficult. I don't think it'll ever stop haunting me. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I literally don't have the tears to cry anymore.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I hate that I've lost all this progress, and I feel as if I'm letting people down.
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Re: Screaming thread.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS TEMPERATURE, SUN PLS TONE IT DOWN A NOTCH
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Re: Screaming thread.
THE UK HAS GONE TO SHIT.
17 MILLION PEOPLE ARE FUCKING MORONS. 17 MILLION MORONS FELL HOOK, LINE AND SINKER FOR THE LIES OF A COUPLE OF FUCKING MUPPETS. NICE TO KNOW I ASSOCIATE WITH A FEW MORONS MYSELF. MY FUTURE IS FUCKED. COUNTRYWIDE RIOTING ANYONE? |
Re: Screaming thread.
...im at a loss for words....i can't even begin to describe how im feeling...
im done... |
Re: Screaming thread.
summer pls go away
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Re: Screaming thread.
I hate feeling the way I do, but hopefully something good will still come of it. All I can do is hold out and hope for the best..I guess..
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Re: Screaming thread.
That song is playing and all I want to do is cry.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm so tired of feeling this way. I know I'm better then what they say. I'm better than those words they use to describe me. I know this isn't who I am, and I know I'm more...So why do I feel so down..?
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Re: Screaming thread.
I hope I didn't scare you off.
It's Monday, STOP SHOOTING off whatever that is, stop pounding, go to work, and let me sleep! I don't know how today's going to go, so far it could be better. There really is no point in working that hard for anything since it's always going to fall apart and no one will believe it's not my fault. At the same time, NO ONE has the right to decide how hard I'm working, how motivated I am, or how much of my struggle is my own fault. You have NO IDEA what I'm dealing with and judgement and doubt only make it worse. I wish I didn't have to constantly defend myself. No one else has to do that! Haunted again. This is going to be a fun night. I'm really sick of dealing with it. I want to be normal with my old life back. Too bad it's impossible. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I do completely feel let down by you.
But I'm not going to tell you that, because you're 100% right. I will be bottling it all up and not telling anyone, because we all know that's better than being hurt from someone that I thought I could trust. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I feel so overwhelmed sometimes and alone. I have no idea how to handle something like this.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Too many thoughts of ending it all, and how it would feel in the moment...
Funny, I have these thoughts alot and it's been a while since I almost acted on it. What's stopping me? Alot of things, maybe I should feel so lucky that I'm not that selfish. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I want to cut. I want to cut. I want to cut.
I'm such a failure. I can't tell anyone because all I do is hurt people by talking to them about this. |
Re: Screaming thread.
All the time wasted on you, trying to be some sort of support system for you, caring for you while you were sick, going to countless surgeries, buying you what you need and what you want, and this is how you repay me. You stab me in the back..fuck you..okay..cause I don't need you anymore. I'm tried of feeling betrayed.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I really don't feel... too good, I can't sleep... I feel worthless as hell.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm really losing it...
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Re: Screaming thread.
The weather is calling for a good storm or two today, and I bet it isn't even going to rain. :glare: Is it too much to ask, for a rainy week/storm week?
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Re: Screaming thread.
The day's starating off rough again. My record for feeling okay is 36 hours. I just want to be okay again.
Maybe you don't really care as much as you said or as much as I thought, but it's not like I'm inundating you with contact hoping for something you can't give me or being annoying (if I am?) on purpose. The problem is that I'll never really know because I don't always realize it, text can only give so many clues, and I know you'd never tell me. Literally NO ONE has survived with this, I quit. And, we're back. 36 hours it is. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I've been cutting daily for like a week and a half. I talked to AM about it last night and she just said I needed to stop.
Yeah I know. All I'm doing is hurting people. All I'm doing is hurting myself. But I deserve it. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Headache, feel sick and tired. Fed up, just want to get better.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm so over your stupid standards of me. I'm a grown adult, I can make my own decisions, I can choose what is good enough for me and what isn't. Take your opinions somewhere else.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Today is a bad day for me, I have hatred for myself and I'm... at a loss.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I hate that things are moving so slowly.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm torn between being glad I won't be associated with it because of the way it is, and crushed because it happened because of the way it is. Others with this can do it, we could've made it happen; or at least done a better job taking it away.
Here's an idea: STOP DOING ILLEGAL THINGS! problem solved. I think I can overlook it with you, but mental illness and a disability with this bleak of an outlook change the rules. It's not always a choice. You can say choose to focus on the positive all you want, but you can't focus on something you can't see and if you ever manage to stop a panic attack just by simply choosing not to have it, please let me know. The fact that it never works is proof that it's not possible. You call her from an hour away then call and ask us to drop our entire day (including the food in the oven) to run a to the library for her and then sit with her the rest of the day while she whines and complains because she told you she's "lonely" and it's our fault because we chose to take ONE day off when we never said we were going in the first place. And while you're at it, can she cancel plans to take her to the appointment you accidenally scheduled for the wrong week? You can't do it because you're on VACATION! In the place you go every weekend. It's blatantly obvious that you and everyone else are running away and passive-aggressively passing her off on each other and getting resentful. Why don't we get the same opportunity to take a break?! I want the option to run away too! So, no we didn't drop everything because you wouldn't, and we're sick of it being expected of us because no one else wants to do it. We have lives too for fuck sake. We need to do that and get it over with. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I need to stay out of the self harm forum. All it does is bring thoughts and urges that I can't fight. I'm just not strong enough
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Re: Screaming thread.
I hate that I have to go to this family dinner thing, and I hate it even more than Jordan isn't going to be there, so I'm going to have to sit there, alone, and frustrated.
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