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Re: Screaming thread.
Is it more insulting to be forgotten about to begin with, or to then be asked once because it was bought up and then forgotten about again?
I'm fuming tbf. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I don't really want to be awake today. Or for the rest of this week.
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Re: Screaming thread.
You cancel on me four times, I try to cut ties, you invite me over one more time to have sex, and then tell me two days later that you went on a date and are off the market. You're a prick. How pathetic must I look to you right now?
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Re: Screaming thread.
I could try to make you get it, but you won't. They aren't the same thing. I'm permanently stuck in the dead end jobs no one wants because I'm not capable of maintaining better despite not being stupid.
I feel like it was both forever ago and yesterday. Most of the time I still feel like I want it, but I have glimpses where I'd be okay doing something else. I still don't know what though. You have a problem for every solution and I can't articulate how sick to death I am of your CONSTANT whining. Between that and them enabling the shit out of you I've had it. I'm enough of a mess without taking yours on too. I have depression too, but you don't hear me doing this do you?! No, because I know how to vent only to people who don't mind listening and when to shut the fuck up! Either treat the problem, be grateful for once in your life or STOP WHINING. And while I'm at it FUCKING EAT. IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD This is proof to me that if it's meant to be, it will be, but that still doesn't solve anything, help me figure out my own stuff, or answer my questions. I'm officially sick of having no life, but I'm stuck in the momentum. Existing used to be enough because it's all I could handle, now I need more, but accounted for the disability and what I can do with the random episodes of depression that nearly end in suicide. |
Re: Screaming thread.
My therapist's assignment: I have to write a letter releasing everything I feel to my mom and eventually she's gonna make me do it for the sociopath and the child molester. Nope nope nope nope nope. Don't want to.
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Re: Screaming thread.
The childhood you gave me left me with PTSD.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Thanks a lot Johnathan! I can't still having flashbacks...
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Re: Screaming thread.
$7,000 in debt. All the money I've ever owned in my life doesn't amount to $7,000.
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Re: Screaming thread.
So it's gonna be one of those days is it...
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Re: Screaming thread.
Here we go again.
I just want to sleep for hours. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Coming to terms with how much I'm angry at you for makes me feel guilty. I feel like I'm going to be looked down upon or told I'm wrong for saying these things about you. I'm so messed up.
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Re: Screaming thread.
3 days to go.
She's seeing him the night before. If he stays, I'll leave. I'll just fucking leave. |
Re: Screaming thread.
You tried to compare my stress to hers to guilt-trip me for acting "worse than the kids" WHAT THE FUCK?! I felt guilty enough, but I was NOT worse than the kids. She may work 10 hour days, and that's not my fault, she may be able to handle stress better than I am, but she's probably under less given the way you treated me and she wasn't exactly innocent or hiding it well. And NEWSFLASH: we're NOT the same person! But of course, she can have my dream job because everyone can have it except me and then treat me however the fuck they want and get away with it because those people protect the shit out of each other. That's not even close to the worst thing you said or did, but somehow I'M the one who's going to cause emotional damage to other human beings. It will never make sense to me.
Sometimes excuses are excuses and sometimes they're LEGITIMATE ISSUES. Learn the difference before accusing people of making them unnecessarily to deal with a situation you've never experienced. Multiple people have always felt the need to defend me, across every person like that, in every context it's ever happened in. Maybe that's a clue, because I never ask them to do it. "Stop defending yourself" my ass. Stop giving me every reason in the world to defend myself and I'll stop doing it. I was the mature adult, I extended the olive branch and you broke me with it and were protected to the ends of the earth. The only thing I ever demanded was to be treated like a human being. "You can't change the system" How the fuck did it end up like that in the first place and WHY NOT? They deserve a crash course in humanity more than I do. Back to considering that, but there's no jobs with a lack of experience and any job I try to get I'll end up fired from. The goal may play to my strengths, but if the road there doesn't, I'll never make it. And if my heart's not in it, it's not worth it. This is NOT fun. Why do my interests and abilities have to be polar opposites?! Why can't I just be like everyone else and do what I've always dreamed of doing? Why was I the only one to ever end up screwed this badly? I can't help but think that that had something to do with it. I know it didn't help, but there were issues long enough before that that it probably wasn't the only thing. I'd make less at the top of that than I would've made at the bottom of what I really wanted. Who's fault is that?! |
Re: Screaming thread.
Yeah, im not cool, yeah im not gorgeus, yeah im not perfect, BUT I FUCKING LOVE YOU! What did i fucking do to make you look at me w/disgust when your around your friends. What can break ur ego? I will find out and break it i will make u feel like shit. WHY WILL U TALK TO ME WHEN UR ALONE BUT NOT WHEN UR W/ UR ASSHOLES!
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Re: Screaming thread.
My best friends uncle died this morning. Half of the people living here are going through this now, and yet my housemate fucked off out today, is going out tomorrow, and is going out wednesday to see him. It's selfish. How dare you leave the people you care about when they need you? How dare you come hom snappy. Fuck you.
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Re: Screaming thread.
FUCK I need to be doing school but i can't motivate myself
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Re: Screaming thread.
You're not a special little flower. Get over it.
Writing out what makes me angry about you just made me more angry. I just feel worse. |
Re: Screaming thread.
"I know you've always been afraid of ending up alone. Somebody hurt you, now you're waiting on a dial tone."
Really tired of this. No money + no car = no friends, apparently, and wow, does that fucking hurt. To make it worse, all the news and media I've looked at today has me upset and I don't want to leave my bed. Regression. I mean, I AM leaving my bed to go help somebody, whom I really like, but right now I feel like absolute shit. I was traumatized by my near-death. Does it make me sound like a drama queen or attention whore to say this, that, and the other thing traumatized me? It's the truth, I'm sure. No one's denied that I have (minor) PTSD. Still. Can't help but wonder how acknowledging what's wrong with me leads other people to think of me. I'm not trying to be a victim. I'm trying to put everything out on the table to address it and get help for it. tl;dr I'm just sick of this shit. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Fuck cosmology. When am I ever gonna use this shit? Do I REALLY care what the stars in Andromeda are made of?
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Re: Screaming thread.
Crying cos I can't find an outfit for th funeral. This day is gonna be hard.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I can't take this anymore.....
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Re: Screaming thread.
I feel guilty for feeling this way, but I really wish you would go anywhere else but here.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Holy FUCK my roommates suck. How can you forget that you need MY permission to give up MY ROOM? FUCK YOU!!
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Re: Screaming thread.
I just miss her so much and I don't know how to cope. Everything aches. I wish she'd come back.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'll shut my door so I can cry without some stranger you insist on staying 2 days after the funeral seeing me.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I don't know if I'm just now realizing how bad you are or if I'm making it up. Whatever it is, this new perception of you is not easy to deal with.
i also outed an eight-and-a-half year secret today and I felt like the scumbag had his fist in my stomach |
Re: Screaming thread.
There always has to be one I suppose. Interesting that you'd only ask me though.
And, no dude, I can't and won't be doing it the way you did. I don't have a trainer, (nor do I ever want one) I DO have legitimate excuses, and pushing yourself that hard isn't inspirational, it's irresponsible. I get told, or it's implied ONE MORE TIME that I'm "choosing" any thing or situation because of, or using my disability as an "excuse", I swear to God I'm going off! It's NOT true, no one would EVER "choose" this shit, and as far as I'm concerned, it's a fucking miracle that I haven't killed myself because of what it's put me through. I may not end up with a life worth living after fighting harder for one than you've ever had to fight for anything. But, you go ahead and judge me for shit I can't control, that you'll never understand. I love how the people who shut you down by saying that "life's not fair" are always the ones whose lives are going amazingly well. Not directed at anyone here: "Your comments reek of academic privilege." Thanks, I could've said "Yours reek of Autistic ignorance and you insist on speaking for your entire community." But I decided to be the more mature adult in the "conversation" that only consisted of you insulting my (supposed and non-existent) attempt to identify with and speak for your community. GROW UP. You speak for yourself only, not everyone with your condition; and your Autism doesn't give you the right to be a completely condescending ass and it does not mean you are entitled to anything. But again, I decided to be the mature adult I am and treat you with more respect than I received. Never mind WAY too hard, especially with a quota and the rest of the responsibilities I can find nothing about. Back to square one I go. I'm running out of options. I told you this would happen and despite telling me you cared, you didn't give a shit. She's been arrested and is still in high demand to work with children. I did nothing wrong and am in no demand for shitty jobs I can't keep or ever afford to retire from. This disability completely ruined my life. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I have so much reading to do, a meeting to go to and planning for my disseration to do, 4 books to read, and all I want to do is sleep all day and avoid life in general.
I want to make her proud but I'm not in the mood for any of it and I can feel the stress building already. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I feel sick. I'm not hungry. Been irritable all day. No idea what's wrong.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Dear dumbass teacher,
u fucking ignore me when i try to get ur attention when i have a question about the damn assignment. but den u scream at me for not doing the question. What the hell ur why u being a bitch all the time how is dis fair? |
Re: Screaming thread.
i wonder if i was penetrated/raped and don't remember. i'm so scared
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Re: Screaming thread.
Sat here thinking about how I'll never see her again. How I'll never call someone nana again.
I miss her so much. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I'm miserable and I wish I was with you.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm so pissed. Why the hell is it always my stuff that disappears. I know where I put my stuff but you and the others always move it and put it somewhere else and now you go around telling me you don't know where my shoes are and you obviously don't care eventhough you're the last one to see them... I liked these shoes I really did and now I can't find them again... they were a present.. i want them back and you just shrug your shoulders and say you don't know...
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Re: Screaming thread.
I really hope this is either allergies or a cold and not the flu. Either way, I'd love to be able to breathe.
The truth is that I will never really know how much of it was actually my fault. I know that some of it definitely was. But, I also know that I was forced to take responsibility for a lot of stuff that wasn't. Maybe they put everything on students so they can get away with everything they do and say that they know is wrong. Maybe my reputation isn't shot and/or they just couldn't take being confronted. Or, maybe they just lied. Even if it can't happen, I'd be okay with knowing that what I went through was worth it, that they learned something, or changed something. But, I know the reality is that they didn't and won't because as long as they can blame their crap on other people while being total hypocrites, and ethically get rid of people because of that, they don't have to. Thank you for once again reminding me that there are people with my condition who do all the jobs I've wanted to do my whole life that got taken away because of it. That TOTALLY helps. "So, your goal is to work at (retail establishment) full time?" No, the last time you were here I was going after my goal. Then I broke and my life collapsed; now my goal is to keep breathing while I'm confronted with the reality that I'd probably be better off not. I'm finally starting to feel a change, but I know it won't stick. I can enjoy it while it's here anyway. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I hope this works out and doesn't go bad in the future. I'd like to have a mentally healthy life, please.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I could disappear and not a single person would care. I could die and not a single person would care.
What's the point in living anymore? |
Re: Screaming thread.
Hopefully this stupid fucking pop up scamming site doesn't appear again while I'm on Tumblr or I'll be pissed...
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Re: Screaming thread.
I literally can't stop worrying about jobs and the future and money and whether I should pursue something I'm interested in or just go for an entry level job and what if I can't even get a minimum wage job and I'm spending every second worrying and researching and I'm so tired
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Re: Screaming thread.
I don't wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your neck
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