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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Sometimes I just want to start running and never come back
I hardly ever feel real and I don't know why. I don't want to stop cutting but I did and now I want to go back but it's almost summer and everyone thinks I've stopped I just want a best friend I don't know why I'm such an outsider at my school just because I'm quiet I like someone who hardly knows I exist |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I LOVE YOU!
I can try and deny it as much as I like, but whenever I see you, speak to you, my heart clenches, my stomach flutters, I have the need for you to notice me. It's wrong, so so wrong, but I LOVE YOU! |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Im here in my shorts hoping someone will notice them on my legs so someone will helpme
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
when i pull down my sleeves i hope you notice and wonder why
i tell myself you don't care so it makes things easier when i hate myself sometimes i whisper to myself that everyone hates me just so i can feel sorry for myself sometimes i want to hand over all my blades... but i'm afraid of what you would say. i wish you would just ask me about the scars... but i know you won't. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
i wish i didnt keep so many secrets =\
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I wish you would ask instead of pretending you didn't see.
I wish you knew what I knew. I wish you knew the hurt you have caused me. sometimes when you yell I think I deserve it so I let you go on yelling. sometimes when I contemplate suicide I want to tell you, but I don't because I'm afraid you won't care... or you'll care too much. sometimes I just want to runaway from you. sometimes when I look in the mirror I wonder if you hate me as much as I hate myself. sometimes I leave out my journal to see if you'll read it and confront me about it. sometimes I look at you and I wonder if you would even be able to begin to understand. sometimes when you're standing there in the hallway I don't go up to you because I'm afraid you'll know I'm not okay. sometimes I whisper that I love you when I'm cutting... even though I don't know why. sometimes I wonder if you really love me. sometimes I wonder if you would do whatever you had to to save me. sometimes I think about suicide just to wonder what you would do. sometimes I wonder if you would visit me in the hospital if I got hurt really bad. I know you would look at me differently if I told you... but I still want to tell you. I gave up everything to tell her... and she doesn't even care. sometimes I want to go to a doctor so that they can tell me something is wrong with me... maybe then I would have an excuse. sometimes when I look in the mirror I imagine myself with scars all over... and I wonder if I'll end up looking like how I imagine. sometimes I tell myself that you don't care so that it doesn't hurt so much when I do stupid things to myself. sometimes I want to "accidentally" cut too deep just to see if you would find me in time. sometimes I want to tell myself you left those pills out just so I could find them and take all of them... even though I know you didn't. sometimes I wish I could live inside my music. sometimes when you walk past I look down so you can see my eyes because I'm afraid of what you'll see. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I feel so alone :(
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Sometimes, I just want a hug.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I never would have liked him. But the way he looked at me, I was convinced he liked me.
Being liked felt good. I got to know him. I now have a big crush on him. But I'm not 100% sure if he likes me anymore. (even though he still looks at me that exact same way, and his friends tease him around me) How did I go from being fine around him, to now? "Now" being, that my biggest dilema in life at the moment, has to do with him. Everything about him. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm not okay. I need you here...
There's a 20% chance my heart condition will kill me before I'm 30, and a 50% chance it will be the reason of my death overall. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
talking about it today actually made me feel better, i don't know why i've avoided the topic for so long.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
i wish people would understand
I wish they would stop bullying |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I know all the passwords to every account you have on the internet, and yes. Every now and then I DO check up on what you're doing. I dont know if it's my paranoia that makes me do it or not. I think it is.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I use to have a huge crush on my best friends mom that when i went over id walk around shirtless and hug her for a reason ^_^, Also i have a pair of her panties somewhere omg, stalkerish lol!! o yeah i wear Ladies jackets and tight pants when i want
My MEssage above disappeared! |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
My period was really late this month. Me and my boyfriend both thought there was a high chance of me being pregnant...if I was we'd have been scared and we'd be shouted and screamed at alot and it would of caused all kinda of trouble, but I got used to the idea even though i'm not one of these girls who says "OHMIGAWD I WANT A BAYBEEEE!"...but when my period finally came it hurt me just a little inside. I was dissapointed. I wont ever let my boyfriend know that though.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I wish he understood the word No. I think I'm going to end up doing something that I don't want to do.
I almost lost my best friend over him. Madly in love, with a girl, a different girl, one of my best friends. I just wish she knew. I don't want to fight not to give in anymore. I just want to give in to my ED and be done with it. I miss SI. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I have a bad habit of obsessively picking at the skin on my scalp, often until I bleed. :bleh:
I get jealous when she talks about the people who used to be her best friends. Sometimes, I wish I had an ED, just so I could be thin; it's that important to me. It feels good when he says, "I'm worried about you...you need to eat." I'm almost always in need of reassurance. Sometimes, I want to SH because I miss having to hide it. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
i constantly think of running away and SHing...
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I've started hitting myself, and I want people to notice
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I want my parents to listen to me and understand. I don't want more and more *things*. I want to choose what I have in my room. How do I know what I really like when you're always buying me things you think I might like? What I really want is for mum not to get ill when I have a tough time. And for dad not to get annoyed with me.
I appreciate and need the financial help. But not more and more *things*. A rug with Spot on? I'm not 5 any more. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I just want people to actually like me and not be thrown away.
I don't know if anyone actually enjoys talking to me. I don't know if I can do this without you. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm tied togeather with a smile, but I'm comming undone.
I may seem perfect to you, but to me I'm so flawed, ugly and worthless. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I love you but it's so, so wrong.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
"I'm okay, you?"
^ first part - bull :( I am not okay. The thoughts of suicide are back.. not that I\'ll do anything again.. I feel worthless and abandoned.. and for the first time in years I truly hate myself. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Honestly, the emotional part of our relationship is nearly nonexistant for me. I know you love me, but I just really want to fuck you.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
You...
Are... A... TWAT! It\'s about time you fucking realise that. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I really wish I could join. So bad.
Damn diabetes. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
i\'m pethetic, i do everyting wrong, i fail at everything
and see why i live |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I\'m addicted to sex. It makes me feel so good, for a little while at least anyway.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
you made me cry and i felt alive because of it
you told me to pray and i didn\'t want to because i was afraid of what He would tell me today when i was hyper i wanted people to ask if i was okay just so i could say "heck yes!! i\'ve never been better!" but now i\'m not okay i just want you to ask me if i\'m okay, then take me by the shoulders and make me tell you the truth i wish that bus would come up on the sidewalk you really don\'t understand i\'m tired of talking to you because i feel like both of us are lying i just want him to ask me out so that i can finally say yes i want to cut tonight, and i want to cut deep i want to cut even though everyone will notice i want to cut so deep that they take all night to stop bleeding. i want you to see the cuts. i want you to see the scars on my wrist and ask me about them. i want someone to tell my parents just so they\'re scared of what i might do to myself i want people to know because i\'m not perfect... I\'M NOT PERFECT! sometimes i use "bad" language so you\'ll notice and think about me. sometimes i pull up my sleeves when you walk past me, so that if you look at the right time, you\'ll see. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I can\'t sleep because I can\'t stop worrying about losing someone = /
I\'m sorry that you found out I have feelings for you, and I\'m even more sorry that you don\'t feel the same way. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I am dying. And i know that i should tell the guy i love but i dont want to hurt him. So thats my dirty little secret.
I do have another. I think about killing myself to end the pain and the ache. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Speaking my truth makes me anxious.
I am terrified of being ridiculed all over again. And yet I speak my truth because I had no \'voice\' for a long time. It\'s hard. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
DLS: Im going out with my best friend! :O
DLS: Im not straight =/ |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Please stop telling me it\'s too late. I know you loved me once why not anymore? I\'m ready now.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I still miss Kiota.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I\'d gladly change myself to make people like me, even though I\'m the one who\'s strictly against people doing that.
I\'d still be your friend again, if you asked me to be. I know that you care, but I wish it was enough. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
1. i wonder if my friends are actually my friends and arent just feeling sorry for me
2. i worry about what people thnk about me even tho i dont really care 3.i sometimes like to feel sad and be down rather than happy 4. i have attempted suicide many many times but sometimes when im sad i feel id rather live than die. 5. i sneak out of my house just to walk around and think. 6. i have lost all interest in school, art, sports, friends, and life in general 7. sometimes an hour or so passes where i dont realize what i am doing then i cant remember what i had been doing for that past hour. 8. i am trying to kill myself slowly so i can try and watch time pass. 9. i am deeply afraid of committing to something or screwing something up. 10. everyone thnks ive stopped lieing, but ive only gotten better at it. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I hate the person I have become. hate me. help. please. I hate what I did just now. Head hurts a lot. I want someone to be there...to ask me whats wrong so I can tell them. So I can just let it all out. please.
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