not sane - a poem
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what if they came home and found me dead. what if leaving me all alone, out of anger and frustration, was the last time they remembered seeing me. well, seeing me alive, that is. and it all makes me wonder if they can see how stupid this all truly is. or if they only see the devil inside of me. oh look, the blood is back. and i thought i quit for good. silly me. ** it would teach them a lesson for me to die. maybe just to prove to all the others i should finally try. just to prove to them out there that they’re not alone in the prison of religion they are forced to call a home. *** this was my worst one yet. i died in front of that mirror. shattered glass surrounding me whispers asking if i can hear her. a shadow’s laughter coming up from the drain telling me i must have gone insane. asking me if i can hear her voice crying because bleeding was my only choice. but she doesn’t know that and it’s the hardest thing to explain. how to gently tell someone that you’ve just lost your brain. **** how do you possibly make someone understand that? it’s not about emptiness and feeling numb. it’s about absolutely panicking, mind going on red alert, breathing a bit too fast, pressure in your chest, nervous ticks going crazy, pacing and cringing at random, crying out at random, holding it in and exploding at random. i can’t control the attack, until i attack it myself. ***** and maybe if they knew they’d take it all back, to hear me screaming at the broken glass. maybe if they saw the walls stained with red, they’d care enough to question what’s going on inside my head. but they can’t know. they won’t understand. they shouldn’t be able to. ****** fifteen red streamers in a white room fifteen silver scissors shining for you fifteen pieces of broken bloody glass fifteen voices scream at the past the breathing is bleeding and so are we fifteen confinements of their tyranny fifteen shadows come out of the drain fifteen voices tell us we’re insane fifteen reflections that do not look alike fifteen scars live all alone in the night ******* what if they come home to find me apologizing. what if leaving me alone, with screams and self-torture, paid off in the end? well, paid off for them, at least. it all makes me wonder if i’ll ever truly believe, or if their faith is just another mask i must hide under. for they must never see the devil inside of me. oh look, the screams are back and i thought they were gone for good. silly me. |
Re: not sane - a poem
This is very powerful. I like the part about the religion they're forced to call a home, and the part about how to tell someone you've lost your brain. I can tell by your writing that you have a lot inside your mind. I hope you continue writing so you can get it out. :hug:
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Re: not sane - a poem
thank you~! that really means a lot. :hug:
and yeah, i have a lot going on inside my mind. but don't we all? thanks again, and sorry for forgetting to put the trigger warning. >.< i really don't know how i forgot that, with a poem like this, but i'll try to remember next time. |
Re: not sane - a poem
This is really descriptive and stunning.
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Re: not sane - a poem
thank you!! >u< glad you think so.
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Re: not sane - a poem
Hey Jess! :hug:
There's so much emotion in this and I'm glad you're getting all of it out of your system! :) This is a great way to vent. :p Awesome piece, by the way. :D We're always here for you, it does look like you're going through a lot right now. :hug: Take care! :) See you around! :) Love. - xx |
Re: not sane - a poem
aww thanks! :hug:
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Re: not sane - a poem
You're really talented!
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