Daddy, I need you
*Please love me again*
Like, those times we'd go bike riding
Nine years ago
We weren't proper parent child dynamic
Our family was dysfunctional back then too*
As unstable as it was,*
In that moment,
I had a friend
I had you


Like the captain of the platoon
And the lowerest level soldier
Spending time together*
The times you complained
The times you let me down
There were occassions when
Yoi still spent time with me
In spite of everything

I got angrier over the years
I've written on the walls
I've thrown things against the wall
I've cut myself without thinking twice
I protested in anyway I thought would get you to stop
To change
I didn't want to accept reality
Please discipline me
(Even if it involves physical punishments)
so I am that obedient child again*
Then you would love me*
Then you would care for me*
Even if I'm miserable now,
It is only becsuse something inside of me
tells me this is wrong
But I am what's wrong
*,I will re-learn to accept these conditions*
I will retrain my mind to think this is okay*
Just so you can love me again*