Rae's poems.
 

#1:
"What you see"
You look at me
And see
A teenage girl
You look at me
And see
A happy girl
But that’s not me
I am a teenage boy
I look at me and see
A okay boy
I look at me and see
someone nobody else sees
-Rae Parker-

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Re: Rae's poems.
 

Anxiety
I am not alone
But I fear I am lonely
I am not sad
But I seem to cry
I seem to shake
I cannot focus.
Don’t leave me alone
But I’m breaking at the seams
You can’t see
But these are the thoughts of somebody
With Anxiety.
~Rae Parker~

Depression
I don’t have interests
But I love to do things
I want to do things
I seem to cry, though there is no reason
I can’t sleep at night or I sleep too much
There is no in between
I move too slowly
And people get irritated.
These are the actions of someone with
Depression.
~Rae Parker~

PTSD
I relive the same experiences
In my mind
I am stuck in the past
But I want to see the future
I still feel the situations
More than I did that day
I feel the
Anxiety
Of reliving everything in my mind
Yet nobody knows I can’t move forward
I laugh and smile
Yet I’m breaking too
My imagination might be the best part of me
But it’s also the worst
It makes me relive the worst parts of my life.
Thats the experience of
PTSD.
~Rae Parker~

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Re: Rae's poems.
 

Best friends turned to strangers


You want to know what hurts?
When you see the same person
You know their birthday
Their age
Their favorite color
Yet you don’t even say hi
You know them
More than you know
yourself
You hung out every
single day
But you haven’t talked in
weeks
You want to know what hurts?
When your best friend turns into a
Stranger.
~Rae Parker~

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TW:// SA

First time reporting ~ Rae Parker

This will be the strongest thing
You’ve ever done
This will be the hardest part
Of what he did
To you
This will be the make-or-break
Of your justice
This will be what brings the
Trauma on
The flashbacks
The panic attacks
It all starts
Now.
It all starts with the
First
Time
Report





We teach women, not men ~ Rae Parker

We tell our girls
Get home before its dark
Its unsafe
When we should tell our boys
Make it safe for girls
To be able to stay out
Like you can
We tell our girls
It’s shameful to be raped
When we should tell our boys
It’s shameful to rape
We teach our girls
To hide her shoulders
And her stomach
And her legs
Because it’s unsafe
When we should teach our boys
To keep it in his pants
To make it safe





I will be silent when… ~ Rae Parker

I will be silent when
We can say the words
Sexual assault
And not be screamed at
I will be silent when
We can sit and cry
Without being
Judged
Or Shamed
I will be silent when
The girls who get
Raped
Aren’t told they’re in the
Wrong
I will be silent when
The girls who get
Sexually assaulted
Aren’t asked
What were you wearing?
Were you drinking?
I will be silent when
The world is finally fair…

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TW:// SA

Remember ~ Rae Parker


I remember
What I was wearing
The day I told my family
I remember
The feeling of
Your hand
On my butt
While I was sanding the wood
I remember
Your heavy breaths in my ear
Though nobody saw
I remember
The feeling of you
Pushing your privates
Toward my butt
Through our clothes
For a quick moment
As you passed behind me
I remember
Forgetting details to give
To the officer
I remember
Crying for hours and hours
Not knowing why
Someone I was supposed to
Trust
Would break me down
Til I was dust
I remember
When I couldn’t get
Two words
Out of my little mouth
Without bursting into
Tears
I remember
After 2 years
Every
Detail
Now

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TW//: Hallucinations

Losing touch -Rae P.-

When you look at someone you’ve known
Forever
And wonder if they’re real
When you look at something you’ve never seen
And wonder if it’s fake
When you see the shadows of your mind
And wonder if it’s real.
When you see your favorite teacher
And wonder if she’s real
Or just another hallucination
Or a figment of your imagination
You know you’re starting to
Lose touch
With everything around you
You know you’re starting to
Lose everything
When your mind wonders whats real and whats
Fake
But all you can do is wonder
And keep it inside
Because you fear people will judge
You fear you will get hurt
Another symptom of
Losing touch
Is everything going to end
well?

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Angry dog.

I am not an angry dog, I don't know why I bite
Is it to seem fearce and strong
or is it to cope with something unbearable
I think it's that
Coping
I am not an angry dog, I finally know why I bite
it doesn't make it right
but I have to learn
isn't that right?
I am not an angry dog, I am a learning one.

Re: Rae's poems.
 

Re: Rae's poems.
 

#1
Real and Fake
I can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake
Everything feels like one big blur
The life events are turning into a swirl
I talk to you calmly and unfazed
But theres something in my mind
What’s real and what’s fake?
That’s the question on my mind consistantly
I can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake
I’m hearing voies that aren’t coming from anybodies mouths
I’m seeing things nobody else can
So a valid question I have is
What’s real and what’s fake?
Is it a hallucination?
My imagination is runnin’ wild huh?
Or is it real?
I can’t tell what’s real or what’s fake
I wish I could
Everything feels like one big tornado
My life turning upside down
And inside out
Like when you go from a super warm shower to ice cold
Or the warmth of your bed in the morning to the cold of the morning air
I can’t tell what’s real and what’s
Fake
~Rae Parker~

#2
I’m a fool
I believed everything you told me
I believed everything you showed me
I believed you
I’m a fool
You weren’t even real
I believed every word you said
Every lie you told
Everything you showed me
From your red eyes
To your white lies
I believed it all
Now you left me wondering what’s even real
I’m a fool
They ask me
Close your eyes
Does that help
No
I still hear you
I still see you
They say you play with my depression like a puppet
Or am I the puppet
To your puppeteer
Should I continue to believe you
Or finally admit to myself that
I’m a fool
~Rae Parker~

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Re: Rae's poems.
 

Re: Rae's poems.
 

When you were six you'd play with your barbies and trucks without phase
When you were seven you began to think now you're older, but you were still so young
then eight
then nine
Now you're ten and you're starting to discover middle school, boys, and puberty
Eleven rolls around and you start secret dating
Now you're twelve
Twelve brings nightmares you'd never expect
you've met nice boys and evil
and you don't understand how two can be true at the same time
You start developing bad behaviors like cutting yourself and crying yourself to sleep at night
Thirteen comes by and now you're a teen
wishing you could go back in time
wanting to be that six year old again
if you played with barbies and trucks now you'd be a disgrace
You had to be adult and feminine now
Trucks and blue wasn't an option
Boys seductively look at you, thinking your body is hot
and the male validation gives you confidence
but not a good kind
you learn you're only pretty when you don't eat enough
making your body what the boys find attractive
-Madison-

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Re: Rae's poems.
 

(TW ED)
When you were ten you could eat whatever foods you wanted and see others girls without comparing yourself to her
When you were ten and you stepped on the scale you didn’t panic when you saw you gained weight
You thought it made you cooler
When you were eleven you started to notice all the girls were smaller than you
Though you never did anything to change it
You were still a kid
Though you were scared that it’d lead to something worse
You found out your best friend was starving himself
You wondered why a person would such a thing
December rolls around and now you’re starving yourself
Barely eating anything a day
You lose big amounts of weight but yet you’re still the biggest girl
You had been cutting yourself for a while but this was a new kind of pain
When you were eleven you got diagnosed with an eating disorder
When you were eleven you didn’t do much to change that either
When you were twelve you decided to start eating again
But you gained weight and it scared you
It was a normal human thing but you thought it made you worse and less valuable
So you started to starve yourself again
You pictured a day where you’d be at a event or school and you’d faint because of your eating disorder
You didn’t want that to happen but people would finally notice you were struggling
-Madison-

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She didn’t notice the last time she fell asleep in the car just to have her father carry her to her bed
She didn’t notice the last time she went to play in the rain and wasn’t worried about her hair
She didn’t notice the last time she played with a fake phone and started worrying about a real one
She didn’t notice the last time she switched from juice to water because of the calorie intake on the juices she was drinking
She didn’t notice the last time she had ice cream without feeling guilty afterwards
She didn’t notice the last time she went from thinking about fifth grade to ninth grade
She didn’t notice the last time she had to focus on her math facts and started having to focus on her SBAC tests
She didn’t notice the last time she read because she had to and started reading as an escape
She didn’t notice the last time her back wasn’t straining because of playing the violin, something she enjoys
She didn’t notice the last time she went from playing on the monkey bars and went to sitting on the swings, scrolling her phone
She didn’t notice the last time she ordered a water and changed to ordering something caffeinated
She didn’t notice the last time she played with Barbies and trucks
She didn’t notice any of the last times…
-Madison-

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Or... by Madison P.
---------------------------
I could hate my guts in the morning
Or I could decide to love the one body I’m given
I could hurt myself or starve myself
Or I could decide to care for the one body I’m given
I could stare at the computer all day long
Or care for the only eyesight I will be given
I could read online
Or I could decide to read on paper, healthier for my mind and eyes
I could implode my emotions
Or I could express how I’m feeling so I can get help
I could have my screen on full brightness
Or I could lower it so my eyes won’t get damaged
I could have my music on full volume in headphones
Or I could care for the only ears I will ever be given, so I can properly hear
I could hurt myself
Or I could let my scars heal
I could work all summer to get a summer body
Or accept that I already have a summer body
You should always choose the positive option…

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Re: Rae's poems.
 

STRANGERS TO FRIENDS TO BF+GF TO STRANGERS
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I walked past you in the halls of an elementary school
I didn’t know your name
But I knew you were in my grade
Everyone talked about how kind you were and how gorgeous you were
Yet I didn’t pay attention to your name
Now we’re in early middle school, and we have classes together
I learned your name was Eric
I learned that you were on my 5th-grade bus route
I learned that you were way smarter than I could dream of being
Now we’re in 6th grade
I develop feelings for you
I want to spend every moment with you
You’re brown eyes reminded me of Reese's chocolate
The way you talked about yourself reminded me of myself
In a bad way
So I tried to build your confidence
In 7th grade, you still struggled with self-confidence, and I let it slip
I liked you
It gave you an ego boost, but you were taken
It shattered my heart
All I was to you was an ego-boosting toy
You flirted with me and then said she could never find out, as if I started it
After I was gone for a while and came back, I found out the news
You could be mine
I told you I liked you again and asked if you wanted to be my boyfriend
You said yes, but on one condition
You didn’t know I’d do anything just to have you be mine
The flirting becomes real
We didn’t have to pretend like we never did it
Until you said the words ‘nobody could know’
My heart shattered
You’d use me as a toy to flirt with and make my heart get all lovey-dovey
Just to say I couldn’t even tell my best friend
I said deal because I didn’t notice the red flags
You sat with me occasionally
But you often kept it quiet
You’d pull out my note whenever I’d be too loud to make me shut up
And I did
I did as you wanted when you wanted
When you flirted with me, I flirted with you, until you said it was enough
After a month of all of this
I got sick of being the hidden girlfriend
I got sick of being the girlfriend you talked to when you wanted
I got sick of being the girlfriend you flirted with when you were horny, and that was it
I typed a brief breakup note
Handed it to you
Let you read it and process it
And grabbed my phone back and left the area
I didn’t want to break up with you
I loved you
But I was done just being something hidden and quiet
That’s how we went from
Strangers
To friends
To bf+gf
To strangers
All in three years
-Madison-

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NOTHING LASTS FOREVER
-------------------------------------------
They say nothing lasts forever
Then we must be nothing
Because I have a feeling we’re going to last forever
Every ‘I hate you’ I’ve ever said
I never meant
Every ‘I love you’ I’ve ever said
Has been the truest thing I’ve ever meant
The butterflies come alive when I’m next to you
My face goes red with blush
Brighter than a tomato
What if we don’t last forever?
What if our love falls apart?
Then nothing lasts forever
The pain won’t either
It’d be like a stab to the heart and twisting the knife
But it wouldn’t last forever
But what if we do last forever
For the pain that I feel, you can heal
For every time I cry
For every time I get depressed
You can comfort me
For every time you cry
For every time you get depressed
I can comfort you
But that’s only if we can prove that
Some things last forever
-Madison-

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Re: Rae's poems.
 

The injuries
Nobody took you seriously until the injuries
You used to say you were struggling with depression
But nobody believed you
Until the scars on your arms were visible
You’ve been carving the words they throw at you into your skin
Just to show you were struggling with depression
But they didn’t care
They found it attention-seeking
How’d you get to this place?
Nobody took you seriously until the injuries
“Hey, kid, you’re back?”
Is something you’ve heard a million times
They see your arms, and yet they send you home
Can’t they see you’re struggling
You sit in your bed that night and decide this is the end
You didn’t care what they said in those padded rooms
You try to take your life
But it doesn’t work at all
You’re still alive
Nobody believed you until you tried to take your life
What’s the point of holding on when it’ll be spent in misery?
You carve the words of hatred into your skin
Just to show you’re struggling
The only diagnostic code they can see is that you don’t want to be alive
How’d you get to this place?
The place where they didn’t believe you until
the
injuries…
-Madison-

Re: Rae's poems.
 

Re: Rae's poems.