pregnant and in need of desperate help!
 

i just found out that i am pregnant...again. my fiance and i have been best friends for over 10 years. we have been dating for about two and engaged for a couple of months.

the first time my fiance was supporitive and said that he would be behind me no mater what. we ended up deciding to keep the baby but as i headed for week 10 i statrted to bleed. i went to the doctors and they told me that i was having a miscarriage.(she would have been born march 21) it was so hard. i became overly depressed and wouldnt get out of bed for over a month.

this time he wants me to get an abortion. i considered it last time but after all the stress of dealing with a miscarriage i don't feel like i could deal with getting an abortion but he tells me that it is either him or the baby. i told him i was against getting an abortion but he won't let it go. i don't know what to do. i don't want to lose him but i don't feel like i could give up our child. one was taken from me and i don't feel like it would be right to give up another.

suggestions anyone?

Re: pregnant and in need of desperate help!
 

to be very honest. that will be a living breathing child one day. You was blessed to be given another shot at having a baby. dont take it for granted and have an abortion. this is my opinion though. If he truly loves you then he wouldnt want to hurt you or that baby. Its part of you. The way i see it is boyfriends, friends and husbands will never replace a child. I was once married and if at any given moment i would have loved to have a child. Not that i feel that way now. I know now i need to wait as long as possible. But honestly you shouldnt give this away. A childs love with be there forever. That baby needs you. I have came to the conclusion that if i ever get pregnant and the man didnt want it and told me to choose. i would choose that baby. I may be hurt over loosing the man i love but it will be replaced when that baby comes and needs me. That baby will always need you. You will understand one day when you have it, if you do. He shouldnt be making you choose. It already is a living thing. It will grow into something so amazing. My opinion is keep it. If he doesnt want it thats his loss. You and that baby will have each other. share each others pain later on and you will have someone there for you at any given time. Please think hard about this. You keep it or not. But if it comes to the point where you cant keep it. think about adoption. atleast that baby will be able to live. Dont kill it.

Re: pregnant and in need of desperate help!
 

Re: pregnant and in need of desperate help!
 

Is there any reason why you would need to get an abortion? Medical or financial problems? It seems odd that your fiancée would be telling you to get an abortion unless he thought it was best for you. But when I read that he said it was either him or the baby, my heart dropped. It appears to me that by pressuring you to do this, your fiancée is a very selfish person who doesn't care about you or your well being. You might want to re-evaluate whether or not he is husband/father material and consider that if you have this baby, you will likely be caring for it entirely on your own. Are you prepared to do that? I do not agree with having babies you cannot care for, why bring another person into the world to suffer with you? But if you can care for this baby, then your fiancée is a jerk, and you should drop him. But first, talk to him and find out why exactly he is opposed to you having this baby.

Re: pregnant and in need of desperate help!
 

You have to do what feels right to you, and ultimately what's best for your unborn child. That includes considering what raising a baby might be like without his/her father around. I'm very sorry you are going through this, I've been there and I know how hard it is to make that decision :hug:

You've also got to understand how your fiance may be feeling right now. He's made it clear that he does not want this child and does not feel ready to be a father, but the decision is in your hands and he feels helpless. The best you can do is tell him how you feel and hope whatever you decide that you two can work some kind of plan out between the two of you.

Having a baby is such a life-changing experience and I think sometimes, as women, we forget that once we become pregnant. All I could think about is having my baby. Seriously think about the sacrifices you would have to make by having this child. Can you afford it on your own? Will your fiance pay child support if he breaks it off with you? Have you finished school? Do you work? Are you financially stable enough to afford child care? What government programs are there in your area for single mothers? Do you have a supportive family to help you through this?

I know this is by far not the case in most situations, but my husband (boyfriend at the time) told me it was him or the baby as well... we are now married and have an 18 month old son. If he was going to be supportive the first time around, what's stopping him this time?

Good luck and I hope you reach a conclusion together that you are happy with.

Re: pregnant and in need of desperate help!
 

Re: pregnant and in need of desperate help!
 

Remember that both of you are responsible for the child. Another thing, it is not your child's fault to be there. Abortion is not the answer to your problem. You know that you are lucky for having a second baby after your miscarriage so don't waste the chance. With regards to your fiance, for 10 years you spend together, i am sure that he will understand if you'll explain your side and if he really loves you.

Re: pregnant and in need of desperate help!
 

You child will always be your child. He could leave you anytime he pleases... And, to be honest, since he's giving you this ultimatum, it seems like he's probably not going to be around forever anyway. I would choose my child before any man.

Re: pregnant and in need of desperate help!
 

This.

Also do you really want to marry a guy who says you have to chose between him or your unborn baby?

Re: pregnant and in need of desperate help!
 

Re: pregnant and in need of desperate help!
 

I think I can kind of understand why your fiance would not wan't you to have this second baby. If he was supportive the first time and then it didn't work out he is probably really afraid that something bad could happen a second time. He is probably worried about you. I would probably feel a lot the same way about it. But no matter what his reasons are he shouldn't try to make you choose. This is your second chance and If you are very sure that you wan't to try and have this baby than I would say you should sit down with this guy and seriously tell him what you have decided and that you would like him to support you. If he still tells you that you have to choose between him and your baby than I would say he is probably not the kind of person you wan't to marry. I am so sorry for your situation and I really hope everything goes well for you in the end.

Re: pregnant and in need of desperate help!
 

When I got pregnant with my daughter, my boyfriend left me because I refused to have an abortion. Ultimately, he came back when I was about four months pregnant. He might always come back and realize his mistake if he so chooses to leave. Regardless, he's financially obligated to the child, so, I wouldn't worry too much. Even if my boyfriend had never come back, I'm so glad I kept my daughter, she is the light of my life. Motherhood is amazing, you should join it :)