[Everglow.]

Hey,

Sorry you're still struggling with all of this at the moment. You should know that there isnt an age limit on mental health issues. You could be 12, 22, or 72 and still struggle and there's nothing wrong with that, it doesn't say anything about you as a person. Of course it's tough and really difficult, but your age doesn't mean anything at all. If you're still dealing with this, it means you're still fighting, so while it's not an ideal situation, the fact you're still going is amazing and is a reason on its own for you to carry on trying to beat this.

Funerals can be really hard to deal with - I went to my first one last year and still think about it now. That being said, they're supposed to be upsetting days. Nobody ever has a funeral for a good reason, so it's ok to not be ok in that respect. Is there someone else who was at the funeral or who knew the person too who you could talk to? It doesn't have to be about how you feel as such, but sitting with someone and talking about someone you've lost can be really useful in helping you feel a bit less alone. It's also a better way to deal with things than to resort to hurting yourself. You can sit and speak about some positive memories you have, for example, and this can really help you to feel a bit better. I know that it was laugher that got me through losing my nan last year. It might feel weird or wrong but laughing and remembering the good things gives a new layer to losing someone. Of course it's sad. It's always going to be sad. But laughing reminds you that knowing a person isn't just about losing them - it's about having known them. Try not to let losing someone get in the way of everything else you shared with them.

With regards to the insurance, is there someone you can call or speak to who will know what it is your insurance covers? I'm not too sure about insurance because of living in the UK, but if you can make some calls and find out a bit more, it may be really helpful. Of course I know you said you're not sure you want a therapist, but I think it may be really useful if you can get access to one, especially with your medication concerns. Even if you're not too sure, you can always make some calls and find out all the information so you're a bit more informed about it in the future if you do decide to try therapy again. This might also help you find a way to deal with everything thats a bit healthier than cutting and drinking.

Have you had a look through the SH alternatives list? If not, you can find that here. If you've already had a look through it, it may be worth giving it another go anyway. Retry some of the suggestions here - some of them are really helpful! You can also try identifying what it is that's making you feel like you need to drink/SH. If it's certain situations, you can try writing the particular issues down so that when they come up again, you know they are a trigger. This will help you take a moment to consider what other options you have. For example, could you go for a walk instead? If it's a matter of what your hands are doing, could you occupy them in another way? Instead of picking up something you could hurt yourself with, make a cup of tea or draw something or find something you can fiddle with. Try making some origami. If it's a matter of thinking about it, you could try watching a film, reading a book, or looking at some riddles online to occupy your thoughts in another way. And if you're worried about being alone, ring a friend or move to a room or place where other people are too so that the temptation can lessen.

I want to tell you that I'm so glad you did post here even if you weren't sure why. It's a really good step because it means people know what's going on so you're not alone. Have you tried using the blog feature here too? It might help you put things into words more and you can use it every day if you like as a sort of diary. That way people can still give you advice and support, and you might find it's a really useful way of organizing your thoughts and feelings.

If you haven't already, try and eat something. It's really important that even though you're struggling, you don't neglect yourself. You're important, and you can fight this. I really hope this has helped a bit, but you're welcome to message me if you have any issues you want to talk about.

Take care.