[Mallika]

Hi Meera,

Thank you so much for reaching out. Seeking help, visiting the doctor, etc. are all signs that you are actively pursuing a course of action to better your current state. This is something you should be proud of yourself about

While I've not been on Citalopram or any other antidepressant before, I think there's nothing to be ashamed at all about being on an antidepressant when you are in need of it. You are already miles ahead of someone who intentionally refuses to take medication especially when they need it. You're on the way to restoring your health; what's there to feel ashamed about? If anything, you're really brave for coming forward to your doctor about your health and proactively taking steps to heal yourself.

It's good that you are monitoring your side effects; continue keeping an eye on them and consult with your doctor if they persist. And like Rivière said, you might also want to strongly consider therapy.

We all have these horrible phases in my life; but they are phases. They do come and go, and much of how long and how much they affect us is dependent on how much we let them affect us. I struggled with OCD for 4-5 years but it subsided eventually. Even I thought it would plague me forever initially, but today I am OCD-free because I changed my outlook on it. It might help if you think of yourself as distinct from what you're going through e.g. you are not your depression. You are stronger than it and can rise above it, among all other adversities. Finally, remember that you are an important person and you matter, so always reach out to someone instead of bottling it up.

Take care, and you'll get well soon! You can always DM me if you have any more questions