[Everglow.]

Hey Wendi

I'm asexual myself, so hopefully I can offer some insight into your situation. Of course I can't tell you whether you're asexual, lesbian or anything else though. That ultimately falls on you, what you're comfortable identifying with, and your own situations. But there's no need to worry too much about labels as they're human-made categories which don't fit everything anyway, and so sometimes people fall a little bit outside of them which is ok.

Asexuality is defined by having no sexual attraction to other people. It's not necessarily a lack of desire for sex, as many asexual people are sexually active. It's simply that sexual attraction isn't something they feel. The fact you're not interested in a sexual relationship could indicate that you might be asexual in that case as it's not something you currently feel drawn to. You can also be asexual and still want romantic or platonic relationships which either do or dont include sex. So you could be, in theory, an asexual lesbian - someone who is romantically attracted to women, who doesn't experience sexual attraction. It's all a bit confusing, but the point is there are a million different ways that labels can work around what you feel, rather than confining what you feel to their narrow definitions.

Asexuality also has a spectrum. You could be demisexual, whereby you feel interested in a sexual relationship only once you have grown closer to somebody in other ways. You could also be grey-asexual, which means you ocassionally, but not often, feel interested or attracted to people sexually.

There is a really useful site listed in the resources on TeenHelp called AVEN, which is another forum dedicated to the various asexualities out there. Maybe it might be helpful if you're after some more information on what that means and where you may or may not fit into it.

My main advice would be not to get too bogged down with labelling what you are and who you might or might not be attracted to. Ultimately,sexualities are fluid and how you choose to identify can change many times over the course of your life. I thought I was straight, bi, pan, and gay before I realised I was none of those things. My point is, your wants, attractions and needs shift as you live, and what you feel is confusing now might one day be plain as day. Feel free to read as much as you like, understand as much as you can, and explore what feels comfortable to you in terms of identification. There's no rush to settle on something now, and whether you are asexual or lesbian, both are valid and both are okay.

Hope this has helped a bit