[Ennui.]

Originally Posted by Proud90sKid

I don't believe so. Whether or not someone was "coerced" can be highly subjective. IME women can be extremely fickle and (for me) impossible to read at times. Many have this communication style where they say one thing but mean another. Men cannot be expected to be mind readers. And at the end of the day, yes is still yes. Having sex with someone who has said yes reluctantly is still very different from just forcing yourself on someone who is explicitly not consenting.

What if a woman simply changes her mind? From no to yes?

Also what qualifies as coercion? I may give money to an escort who may not normally want to have sex with me nor feel an attraction to me. Is that rape?

Or what if a wife is no longer sexually interested in the husband but is maintaining a sexual relationship with him for financial stability (perhaps without even his awareness that there was a loss of attraction)?

Hey!

At least in the United States as well as other areas like the United Kingdom, coercion is actually legally recognized as a form of sexual assault.

While nobody is a mind reader as you said, there are definitely things that could be watched out for. Consent looks for an enthusiastic yes, not just the absence of a no. Here is the definition laid out by RAINN, which explains more about enthusiastic consent.

If someone is reluctantly saying yes, there is definitely an opportunity to stop what you're doing. If you can tell someone is hesitant it's best not to continue on. You can tell them, "I can tell you are reluctant, so I am going to stop now," or ask them "You seem reluctant, is this really okay?" A reluctant yes isn't an enthusiastic yes. Saying "I'm not sure" isn't a yes.

Planned Parenthood defines sexual coercion here. To sum it up, one thing that is considered coercion is repeatedly asking or pressuring the other person. "Oh come on, please? You know you want to. Just do it." It may be repeatedly touching the person and even though the person moves their hand away, you put it back and continue to touch them. It may be guilting them into sex by saying something like "you don't really love me if you won't have sex with me." It can be manipulation by shaming the person or withholding attention or needed items if they won't have sex with you. It can be making someone feel obligated to have sex with you due to your relationship status with that person (ie we're married, so you HAVE to have sex with me). It can be pressuring the other person to do more than they are comfortable with. It can be threatening the person with consequences such as breaking up or threatening to leak photos or other things of a sexual nature about the person. Or, it can be something like getting the person drunk or high in order to get them to have sex. The list goes on, so I suggest you look at that link. These links also go over more about what sexual assault is.

The other thing with consent is that it can be revoked at any time. If you hire someone to have sex with you and they consent to that sex act, fine, but they also have the right to revoke the consent at any time, even during the sex act.

The last issue you addressed seems like a breakdown of communication between husband and wife, but if there is ever a lack of consent on either side, there becomes a problem.

Here's a video that compares sex to making a cup of tea. You offer someone a cup of tea and they're very happy accepting it, they want tea. If they say they aren't sure if they want tea, don't get upset if they don't drink the tea. If they say no to tea, don't make them tea and don't get upset with them for not wanting tea. They may want tea at first, but after the tea is made they don't want to drink it, and they aren't obligated to drink it. They've changed their mind. If they're unconscious and can't answer with whether or not they want tea, don't make them tea. Someone who wanted tea a few days ago may not want tea today, and don't get upset with them about that. Don't force people to have tea when they don't want it, and learn how to understand when people don't want tea. The same goes to consent.

I hope this clears up some confusion for you.