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Please give me constructive criticism on this poem!
My innocence wasn't lost the day I drank my first beer, or smoked my first bowl. It was the day your hands, larger than mine, locked tightly. When my eyes opened wide and glazed. Bracing against the wall. Unable to breathe. My perception of people in the world shattered like glass. The pieces fragmenting and tiny fell into a blackness. Unable to be collected, placed and smoothed back into perfection. Now they've landed and they chatter, grinding and bumping together. I listen to them screech and tell me of the world, a warning piercing throughout dreams. Watch your back they scream, this one will be the same.
-- So, I've put this on a lot of websites and a lot of people will look at it but not a lot of people comment on it. I was wondering if its bad or something? Can you guys give your honest opinions? :) |
Re: Please give me constructive criticism on this poem!
It's pretty good, quite deep and emotional. Just unsure what subject it's on? Abuse?
I like the first "my innocence wasn't lost the day I drank my first beer", it can be quite inspiring. Overall it's sad, but good. Just confused at what it's about. |
Re: Please give me constructive criticism on this poem!
I like it a lot! The first sentence drew me in and made me want to continue reading. There is a lot of emotion and power in this, and you used a lot of great wording. Good job! :)
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Re: Please give me constructive criticism on this poem!
This was really powerful, very emotional, and extremely well-written. Your word choice is brilliant. It's amazing. :)
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Re: Please give me constructive criticism on this poem!
I really, really like this c: it's a little vague but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing.
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