Support Forums Today's Posts Chat Room

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!

Self Expression Poems, stories, artwork and similar creations are great ways to let out your thoughts or feelings. Please share your work with us here!

Closed Thread
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Average Joe
StrigidaeofChrono's Avatar
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Washington

Posts: 120
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: March 30th 2010

Please give me constructive criticism on this poem! - March 1st 2013, 05:23 AM

My innocence wasn't lost the day I drank my first beer, or smoked my first bowl. It was the day your hands, larger than mine, locked tightly. When my eyes opened wide and glazed. Bracing against the wall. Unable to breathe. My perception of people in the world shattered like glass. The pieces fragmenting and tiny fell into a blackness. Unable to be collected, placed and smoothed back into perfection. Now they've landed and they chatter, grinding and bumping together. I listen to them screech and tell me of the world, a warning piercing throughout dreams. Watch your back they scream, this one will be the same.

So, I've put this on a lot of websites and a lot of people will look at it but not a lot of people comment on it. I was wondering if its bad or something? Can you guys give your honest opinions?

"Setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation - although some people will say they are setting boundaries, when in fact they are attempting to manipulate. The difference between setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is: when we set a boundary we let go of the outcome."

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am Human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

Colonel Meow
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
DeletedAccount17's Avatar
Edit avatar

Posts: n/a

Re: Please give me constructive criticism on this poem! - March 1st 2013, 10:14 AM

It's pretty good, quite deep and emotional. Just unsure what subject it's on? Abuse?

I like the first "my innocence wasn't lost the day I drank my first beer", it can be quite inspiring. Overall it's sad, but good. Just confused at what it's about.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Wheek! Offline
Eat, sleep, repeat!

TeenHelp Veteran
Wheek!'s Avatar
Name: Dez
Age: 24
Gender: \_(ツ)_/
Location: Connecticut, USA

Posts: 20,028
Blog Entries: 140
Join Date: November 16th 2010

Re: Please give me constructive criticism on this poem! - March 1st 2013, 10:27 AM

I like it a lot! The first sentence drew me in and made me want to continue reading. There is a lot of emotion and power in this, and you used a lot of great wording. Good job!

  (#4 (permalink)) Old
oldaccount Offline
I can't get enough
oldaccount's Avatar

Posts: 3,205
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: March 30th 2011

Re: Please give me constructive criticism on this poem! - March 1st 2013, 11:50 AM

This was really powerful, very emotional, and extremely well-written. Your word choice is brilliant. It's amazing.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Bem Offline
Hurricane eyes.
Junior TeenHelper
Bem's Avatar
Name: Em
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: UK, the England bit.

Posts: 200
Join Date: February 3rd 2013

Re: Please give me constructive criticism on this poem! - March 1st 2013, 05:29 PM

I really, really like this c: it's a little vague but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing.

I'm perfectly normal; it's the rest of the world that's insane.

"He offered her the world."

"She said she had her own."
Closed Thread


constructive, criticism, give, poem

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All material copyright 1998-2021, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints | Mobile

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.