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Name: Robin
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Location: Southern California

Posts: 10,118
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Re: Girlfriend has an inferiority complex - June 27th 2012, 06:25 PM

Like the other members have said, I don't think you've done anything terribly wrong. It sounds like your girlfriend is acting this way because money is a touchy subject. I grew up in a middle-class family, but most of my high school friends came from low- or low-middle-class families. Eventually, I recognized that I had to be careful when making plans with these friends (not eating at restaurants because they might not be able to afford it, so settling for fast food or eating at home instead), but there was one girl in particular who could NOT let our economic differences go. We would go to Barnes and Noble together once or twice a month, and at some point, I would want to grab a drink from the cafe. Then she would say things like, "I wish I had that kind of money," and essentially guilt-trip me into either getting her something as well, or not getting anything at all. It was EXHAUSTING, and that was just a friend! I can't imagine doing that every single day with someone I loved and lived with.

In all honesty, I'm not sure which approach I would go with. On one hand, never discussing her issue with money (and just continuing to love her) could slowly cause her to feel more secure and back off. On the other hand, if this is something she's been dealing with her whole life, you may need to wait years for her to change... and sadly, she may never change. My father grew up DIRT poor, and even though he's doing well now, he still clips coupons from the newspaper and won't buy ANYTHING unless it's on sale... even if it's just $0.50 off. I would hate to see you stick with your girlfriend for another year or two, only to discover that she's still stuck in this mentality and making you feel bad for how she thinks. I can sympathize with her, but I can also sympathize with you - she's putting you in an awkward position, and that's not fair!

I think I would avoid the subject for a while, because the stress of moving around could be feeding into her insecurities. Once things settle down, and you continue to love her, she may finally start to ease up. If that doesn't happen, you'll need to decide if this is something you're willing to deal with (potentially for the rest of your relationship with her), or if it's something she needs to change in order for the two of you to continue dating. Maybe you two could attend couples therapy - it's not just for married couples, you know! =)