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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 5th 2010, 06:25 AM
I hate that I feel helpless
I hate myself for giving in and being weak
Every day I want to hurt myself more
Sometimes I wish I had succeeded in ending it
Your smile is the only thing that makes these feelings go away
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 17th 2010, 04:26 AM
I am very embarrassed of my kleptomania. I steal small things here and there, spoons, buttons, screws, coat hangers, rubber bands. Then it evolved into bigger things like 32 inch flatscreen tvs, iphones, movie theatre projectors. It seemed to make me happy. I believe it was a depression problem which I worked on a bit by replacing it with a hobby that made me happy. Theft rate seemed to go down, haven't stole anything for a few months now.
I don't know how they will take this when I apply to become a cop
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 17th 2010, 02:22 PM
My best friend of 7 years, has been my boyrfriend for 2 years and 8 months, and my fiance for 1 year and 9 months.
I love him more than i could ever explain.
I do not know why i love him.
He has abused me for the last year.
Cheated on me.
For the last few months I never see him, as his freinds are more important.
uses me for sex.
has no job.
has bought me one present in our entire relationship.
no engagement ring.
yet when he is nice. HE IS AMAZING AND InDESCRIBABLE.
I adore him.
I hate him.
I love him.
I envy him.
I want him dead.
I want the best for him.
I am confused.
I am lonely without him.
I am lonely with him.
I cant leave him, even if i wanted to.
i love him and only him.
i miss him right now.
i think i like someone else.
because of how much i hate him.
and because i want him to feel the pain i have felt.
i want to cheat on him so bad.
to make him hurt.
but im too selfless to hurt him like that.
i want my ED to come back. so i have something to take my mind off things.
i want him to stop beating the fuck out of me.
i want him to care like he used to.
I WANT HIM BACK!
suicide isnt my only option right now.
so util it becomes my onnly option.
i will remain hurt.
and lost.
i believe in God.
and i believe He will fix this situation.
I pray that only His will be done right now.
i still hate everything i am.
yet ive lost weight.
gained flawless skin.
a great job.
but still have no freinds.
rarely see my family.
and am being controlled by the monster i love.
i know he loves me with everything he has.
I pray he gets the help he desperatly needs.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 23rd 2010, 01:38 PM
there are times when all i can think about is how much i want to die. i dont want to kill myself, but was at a point where i was likely to. now i just wish some terrible "accident" would happen to kill me
i still cut. nobody knows. i've got an eating disorder. i'm faking wellness. i dont sleep at night cuz i'm too busy dreading tomorrow. i care way too much. i wanna let go
hehe- i'm running out of excuses for all my scars, cuts, and weight loss
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 23rd 2010, 02:25 PM
I'm in love with you., You liked me. She found out. damnit.
She says I'm not good enough, I won't ever get you.
SHE'S WRONG.
I won't give up just yet. </3
YES. i've fucking had anorexia. this summer. kay bestfriend? im not doing better, take the hints. i.need.help.
mom, i did have anorexia. I LIED. & i im relapsing. mom, why can't you just see that? :/
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 24th 2010, 02:47 AM
I like ______, even though it's stupid.
I bite myself when I get the urge to cut. There are so many things I want to tell him that I can't..
We all need somebody to lean on <3
~I will survive, I will endure.
When the going's rough, you can be sure;
I'll tough it out, I won't give in. When I'm knocked down I'll get up again.
As long as my dream's alive, I Will Survive~
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 4th 2011, 07:00 AM
Compared to being together with my ex I love being single
compared as not being together the crush before my ex makes me feel like I'm missing on something.
All love songs I'd sing are for the crush before my ex.
I'd fallen out of with that crush, when I fell with my ex, being with my ex made me realize that I could love with my soul and my heart and somebody else still had my soul, Falling out of love eith my ex came not long after that realization.
I might be falling all over again with my that one crush.
Feelings are so difficult to understand. They confuse me. I wish they didn't cause I know I can hurt people and already done so.
and I need your sway, cause you always pay for it
and I need your soul, cause you're always soulfull
and I need your heart, cause you're alwyas in the rigth places
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 4th 2011, 07:56 AM
I noticed things slipping before I admitted to them to myself.
Change scares me more then knowing I will die if I continue on this road.
I'm lying about food again.
I'm kidding myself about staying in control again.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 4th 2011, 02:07 PM
I lie.. to myself. All the time.
I'm selfish and greedy.
I'm depressed... For no reason.
Because I could stop it if I really wanted to...
I felt worthless last night. I wanted to tear my world apart.
And Ive created my own alternate personality.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 7th 2011, 03:13 AM
I think I have a tiny crush on my coache's brother. I don't actually like him or anything but he's really good looking and from the little i know him he's a really good guy. I try not to think of him that way though :/ especially because im a minor >:/
The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 7th 2011, 04:47 AM
If I were to be that kid that had a crush on his teacher, it would probably be my AP Psych teacher.
"Want to know a secret?
You are beautiful.
Black, white, gay, straight, bisexual. Whether you are smart or quiet or impossibly in love with your best friend, someone out there cherishes your smile and gets butterflies when you walk into a room.
Someone out there can't stop thinking about you. You Are Beautiful. Don't ever believe differently."
If you ever want someone to talk to, about absolutely anything, feel free to inbox me!
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 8th 2011, 02:18 PM
I made a mistake, but I don't regret it because of you, you are a selfish, greedy person. You seem to hate me when it wasn't even my fault. Don't talk to me ever again, wish I was dead, but I don't care. If I could I would laugh in your face but that would make me like you, just an ugly person.
I really meant what I said, all of it wasn't a lie
You were the one I wanted
But in the new light of the day, affection started to die
Our house of love was haunted
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 9th 2011, 06:30 PM
Every single day I have to wake up in this freakin' house, the first thing I want to do is slam my head into the wall. Then when I force myself to leave this room for simple fact that all of the food is downstairs I see him or just hear him and instantly want to punch him in the face. Don't f*ing talk to me, look at me, or get near me. I can't help the fact that I'm homeless and too poor to have my own place. Trust me, if I had a way, I'd be out of here in a quarter of a second.
I WANT OUT!!!
-Let the Music Play-
"There's no way to explain why life is filled with so much pain. But do the flowers ever grow in the places it don't rain?"
"But the unfortunate truth is that, while being different from everyone else can be exciting at first, ultimately it can get a little lonely."
"The floor seemed wonderfully solid. It was comforting to know I had fallen and could fall no further."
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 12th 2011, 12:17 PM
I feel like I bother everyone I talk to. As soon as I'm finished a conversation it feels as though I made a fool of myself even if the conversation went well I just feel like an idiot. I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing with you but I'm afraid to leave myself out there I don't want to be judged or rejected. I wish these demons didn't come out so often the skeletons in my closet are getting lonely.
The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 17th 2011, 08:50 PM
- Sometimes I pretend like I'm not in this world. I dream about a fantasy world. In the end, it is only a dream.
- I carry a journal with me everywhere and write things down that upset me; only one person knows I keep a journal.
- I am falling for the nerdiest boy ever! I think he is so kind and I love him. He is the boy everyone makes fun of, no one would invite to parties, and friends wouldn't approve of. I LOVE HIM. <3