confused

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]hiya. ive never used this before hence why im posting anonymously. I feel really lost because i don't know what i am sexuality wise but everyone else around me seems to allready have everything figured out whereas im barely staying afloat. I'm a 15 year old female, and since i was about 10 or 11 iv'e been really confused. it's little things that make me question stuff- i recently did a dofe expedition, i knew all my group members allready- except for one of them who im going to call 'S', whos non-binary, and goes by a different name than their birth name(sorry if that sounds weird but im not sure if they like class themselves as trans or not or anything like that beacuse i was too scared to ask, and it seems different around different people eg, their dad). S might just be the coolest most attractive person ive ever met and i got to know them really well over our expedition, and now its finished i can't stop thinking about them, and im constantly waiting for them to message or just even look at me or something yk. Also i had a similar thing happen to me with a friend from my first secondary school who im gonna call 'M'. M was also non-binary and identified as a lesbian, and i had such an absolutely massive thing for them for the 2 years i was in their class, they had really cool red hair and everything about them was just absolutely perfect. Even now the feelings are still there. Im trying to sort of suppress these feelings and ive tried to convince myself that i just admire these people or something but also i just don't know. I don't know if iv'e ever actually liked a guy. I don't really have many male friends, maybe 2 or 3, because i just can't get along with them. Sometimes i just sort of pick a random guy to say hes my new crush to my friends whereas in reality i barely even take notice of them. Sorry if this is convaluted i just needed to yap to someone and i don't have anyone i feel i can speak to- i mean i do but i dont. My mums lovely but shes a trained counseller and i feel like she psychoanalyses everything i say, and my dads dead so i cant speak to him. My friends barely know me and im a completley different person around them, the only person i feel i can speak to moved hours away and we never have time to call and neither of us can afford the travel to meet up irl so we only see eachother once every year or two.
sorry and thank you i just want a bit of guidance or something
H xx[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Hey,

Discovering your sexuality can definitely be confusing! Like you, I didn’t figure out my sexuality until later on. I bounced between labels until my freshman year of college when I discovered something that fit. There is absolutely no rush to determine your sexuality. Sexuality is also fluid so there’s a possibility of it changing. There’s nothing wrong with you no matter what.

We have a queer dictionary that may be a good place to start. It has a lot of different definitions on it so maybe one will fit but no worries if none do right away!

Does your school or community have any LGBTQ+ social or support groups? They can help you meet people like you.

I know you’ll figure things out eventually. give yourself grace and time.

Take care,
Dez