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happyfacade Offline
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Unhappy Stressed/upset..heading back into the depression - July 18th 2012, 01:06 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hello...I haven't been on in over a year. What a return post, haha. I don't want to sound like I'm whining- I know a lot of other people have it worse than I do- I just couldn't think of anywhere else to go with all of this... So I've always had pretty bad depression issues, made worse by the usual stress. Lately (this summer), it's been getting really bad again. I'm working nearly full time, taking online college classes, doing a full time internship, getting ready for my brother's wedding, and taking care of my sisters when I'm not working or at the internship. I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half a few weeks ago when I realized I was in a borderline abusive relationship. The break up was made worse by the fact that he was my first. My anorexia has been getting progressively worse- I've barely been able to eat lately, which has caused some problems at the internship since it's at a horse farm so I kind of need the energy. I just don't feel good about myself- my body, my intelligence, nothing. No happy thoughts here. I don't feel like I'm good enough at my job or at the internship, and I keep messing things up elsewhere. I've always had a few really close friends, then a larger circle of other friends. Over the summers, I usually only talk to my close friends. Which would be fine, except that I screwed up and lost someone who has been a great friend for years and is always there for me. A few days ago he said, "I hope you know that whatever's going on with you I'll always be there to help you get through it. We can do it together." But then I upset his girlfriend so now he's not allowed to talk to me anymore. I have one other really close friend, but she is really stressed herself and I feel bad dumping any of this on her. She doesn't know many real details about my former relationship and doesn't know anything about my anorexia (the friend I just lost was the only person who knew) and I don't know how she'd react knowing I'd been keeping things from her. I'm just so stressed and feel so alone and feel like a shitty person and all of the stuff that's been going on is only making my depression worse. I'm worried I'm going to spiral out of control again, or just completely shut myself off emotionally. I literally keep repeating to myself: "If you feel like you're alone, you are." That certainly doesn't help, but I can't seem to stop. Ugh. I feel so pathetic.

Who are you to tell me that I'm less than what I should be?

I'm stronger than that.
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Re: Stressed/upset..heading back into the depression - July 18th 2012, 05:07 PM

Hey there,

First, of all, You're not alone, and when you feel alone, you never really are. There are people there for you. Your friends, I know it doesn't always seem like it, I've been where you are, with the feeling alone, like no one is there for me, like I can't trust them, that they'll get mad because I didn't tell them sooner. Find the right friend, who you can trust, and tell them.

You are a very strong person, and you have so much on your plate. It's okay to feel stressed. Don't feel pathetic, you're human, just pick yourself up and try again. You have so much to do, why not take a break from something and take some time to have some fun for you, or just relax at home with a good book. Don't forget to take time for your well being.

Have you tried talking to a professional about the ED? If you haven't I really do highly suggest it, getting support from a professional really does help, as well as support from your friends.

You are good enough. We all make mistakes, so what if you mess up a few times, just learn from them and try not to make the same mistake next time. I make so many mistakes, with school, here on TH even, and I have to learn from them. That's the only thing you can do.

You are important, and you are beautiful and amazing, never forget that. You are so strong, just keep moving forward and trying your hardest. You are not alone. If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to message me! Good luck and take care.

"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
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