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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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LeahMatilda Offline
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Name: Leah
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New. Need to talk. - July 20th 2012, 07:10 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I generally don't ask for help. I'm shy and terrified of looking like I want attention. things have gotten really bad lately.

On the 19th of June I was admitted to the psych emergency care unit in my city. It was my first night sleeping on the streets in two years and to help myself deal with the anxiety and pain, I cut and took a bunch of pills. I wasn't trying to kill myself. but i was sleeping on a popular beach and it's patrolled by cops once or twice a night. they found me bleeding and unconscious.

So anyway off to hospital where they monitored my heart, gave me something to make my pulse quicker, gave me stitches, and locked in the the psych ward. -basically. I could go into more detail but I'm bawling my eyes out and just want to get this posted

and on the second day in the ward, my mentor/boss comes in and tells me I'm going home with her. Now I know she cares... and it might even be safe to use the L word. Love. she might love me but she's usually so stern i can't tell.

AND THEN, when she's signed my papers and stuff and is driving me back to her house she says, I can't leave you alone in this city, and thats why i bought you a ticket to seattle, you're coming on my vacation with me (and family, husband, daughter, son, nanna)


So I'm still a huge emotional mess, and now I'm in another country, they've left me in their apartment by themselves while they've gone off on a separate two week holiday and I am freaking out because the flashbacks (PTSD diagnosed) are so bad and I can't sleep and I'm so tired and I've been fighting the urge to cut the whole time and yesterday i gave in and got a tattoo because thats more socially acceptable than cutting and it worked for a while..
but now i just want to cut or plunge a knife into my neck or just anything. pills. jumping off the balcony, anything anything anything i just need escape because there is no one to talk to in this godforsaken country.

sorry if this is stupid and emotional. it's all ice got and i'm trying to be genuine. help if you can. please. this is an absolute last resort.


I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night

Last edited by LeahMatilda; July 20th 2012 at 07:13 AM. Reason: sp
   
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doomtech1 Offline
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Re: New. Need to talk. - July 20th 2012, 09:30 AM

hey i just saw your post. I have no idea what you're going through or how PTSD feels. But i do have my only severe problems and when i mean severe i mean fucking severe. I can relate too you honestly, all of my problems are in my head, and all i can do is act like i'm normal and go through day by day suffering and questioning by myself in my own head. I understand how messy it is and how it can get, if you feel scared or need someone just talk to me, you don't have to go through this alone, i'll go through it with you.
   
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Exclamation Re: New. Need to talk. - July 20th 2012, 09:52 AM

Listen, I know I'm just 14 and all, but I know EXACTLY how you feel about wanting to escape and all. Last year, things got really stressful for me and I tried to kill myself due to depression. I overdosed on propofol and when I got to the hospital, they said it didn't even have an affect on my organs. I took that as a sign that Yahweh has a plan for me, just like he has one for you, girl.

If none of what you did already killed you, Yahweh wants you to stay put her! I truly hope this helped at least a little bit.
   
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LeahMatilda Offline
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Re: New. Need to talk. - July 20th 2012, 10:13 AM

thanks guys. I don't actually need help now though. I have a plan and a friend who is going to help me. I feel better with a plan... I don't think i'll be on Teenhelp again. Its very different than what it used to be.
thanks anywayxxx


I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night
   
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Re: New. Need to talk. - July 25th 2012, 01:33 AM

Ok.. 1. Relax calm down and think... y r u depressed... then tell ur ward or whatever she is supposed 2 help u... and u can talk to me anytime!!! :-D
   
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