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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Validity Offline
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Name: Jay
Age: 22
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Join Date: August 24th 2012

Depressed - August 31st 2012, 02:34 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I hate myself. I hate my life. I don't want to live anymore. I am so confused. Okay, it started out as when I had my other account LifeIsOverwhelming. I had been going well, it was helping and then my stupid mother hacks into my gmail, changes my password. Then found my TeenHelp message in my trash and got in. She changed my password. I don't know how the hell she did but she did. And then she took my secret facebook account. What I'm saying is I feel betrayed. I certainly hope she doesn't see this but I hate how she knows EVERYTHING! Every fucking thing! She knows of my sexuality, my depression, my self harm, everything. It's fucking gotten on my nerves. I don't want to go to a shrink. I will tell her to go to fucking hell and rot there. NO matter how "nice" she is. I don't want to talk. I don't need help from anyone in my life. I HATE EVERYTHING! I HATE MY LIFE BUT I DON"T WANT TO FUCKING DIE! So what if I burn myself? It's my life, my body, I can't do whatever I fucking want. I have my own brain and I know how to use it. The physical pain numbed my emotional pain.

I need to talk. But now I"m afriad my mother might see this.

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A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Depressed - September 1st 2012, 12:58 AM

Hey there,

First of all, I understand how you feel about not wanting people to know. Why is it that you don't though? Is it that you're worried of how they might react? Is it just that you feel you don't need other people to help you through this? Is it because you see it as your private business and not theirs? Whatever it is, your mum will only want you to talk to someone because she wants what is best for you. At the end of the day, a parents job is to protect you and love you, and obviously it's going to hurt her if you're struggling so bad. If she knows about your problems, don't see that as an invasion of privacy, see it as her simply wanting to know what is upsetting you. As your mum, she will only ever want what is best for you.

In regards to the e-mail and TeenHelp thing, I can totally understand why you're upset. I really think you need to speak to her about this because you deserve your personal space and it's not right for her to be invading that. She probably has your best interests at heart, but you may need to remind her that you are an individual and you'd appreciate her not looking at your personal things when they're not for her to see. It may be that she thinks of this as a way to ensure you're okay, and perhaps she thinks TeenHelp is doing more bad than good, but a lot of parents do. Communication is key. Speak to her and tell her about what TH has done for you rather than hindered you with.

You're right. This is your body, it's nobody else's. So, so what if you want to burn yourself? Well, first off, there are better ways to get rid of this emotional pain. Don't get me wrong, I know it's hard, but where is the logic in giving yourself more pain, just in another form, to deal with, just to temporarily reduce the pain of the actual problem? It doesn't actually help the issue. It momentarily reduces it, or takes your mind off of it, but it adds another problem into the mix, because it's addictive, and you'll suffer with the urges, and the fact that SH often gets worse. It doesn't actively target what has led you to this, and that is what you need to focus on instead. Your mum will want you to talk to do this, not to hurt yourself. Talking is a hard thing to do and I know you don't want to, but my point is that's a much, much better idea than finding reasons to justify hurting yourself, because there are none. It's something a lot of people experience, and a lot of people feel the same way you do, but a lot of people also over come it. Under no circumstances is self harm the best way to deal with anything, so I would strongly recommend you look for alternate methods of coping.

If you ever want to talk, I'm only a PM away. You can always delete any PMs you send or receive if you really don't want them to be seen. If your mum does see this, try talking to her. I know you're against it, but give it a shot. It might help, and its worth trying if there's the chance it could change something. Don't give up. You may feel like you hate your life, but you don't want to die, so that's your reason not to. You can get through this. You don't hate life in its entirety, you hate your life right now, but guess what? Right now wont last forever. IT's worth hanging on for a better future, so keep fighting this.

Take care,

❤ Nana ❤

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

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