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captainyumiyumi Offline
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Living Proof - September 14th 2012, 01:01 AM

Heads up: sorry it is a bit long.
In October it will be a year since i last cut myself. Am i proud i have done so well? of course. All these months did i still want to cut? sadly yes. does that mean i will? no.
Ever since school started a month and a half ago i have been very stressed and depressed.. And two weeks ago i almost tried to kill myself. I had a mental break down that morning, screaming at my mother and brother for no reason and then dropping to the floor crying. My mother said i could stay home and i did. After my mother and brother left my depression overwhelmed me, i couldn't stop crying and i tried to cut myself but i just couldn't bring myself to do it again... I looked around the house for anything that could help me. That's when i found the pills, and in the moment i almost sighed with relief because i knew if i took enough of them i would overdose and i knew by the time my mother got home it would be too late to help me. Then i thought of my friends, my family and everything i would miss. I looked at the pills in my hand and with each pill i thought of something i would lose. my mom, my brother, the father i had just met, my friends, the music i love, all the thing i wouldn't be able to do, etc. it all just flashed before me with each pill i had in my hand. and after a good 35 minutes of staring at the pills i put them back into the bottle, went to my bed and cried for what seemed like hours wondering what was wrong with me and why i felt this way. I have a wonderful family (broken in some places but we manage), great friends and an all-around good life so i was so confused as to why i felt this way. soon i found out that depression is a mental illness and can effect even the happiest persons life, so after a lot of talking with my closest friends and mother i decided to start going to therapy and taking medication which i will start doing in a week. I have been going to church a lot more every chance i get and reading my bible a lot more, it has helped me in amazing ways. I have been trying my hardest to change my negative attitude to a positive one and try harder in school. I still feel depressed sometimes but not as bad as it use to be.
One decision could have changed my life and i'm glad i chose to live. you're life is worth living, no matter how bad it seems. and you're not alone. Why? because you have me. Things will get better, i am living proof. no matter who you are i love you and wish you the best life you could possibly have. thank you for reading<3
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Disappearing Offline
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Re: Living Proof - September 16th 2012, 02:47 AM

Hey there.
Thanks for sharing this. It's encouraging. Also, congratulations on almost a year. That is an amazing achievement! You should be very proud of yourself. I'm glad you're beating these negative feelings. I'm always around if you need to talk.
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Re: Living Proof - September 16th 2012, 05:52 AM

This is SO amazing. I am glad that you are beating all of these thoughts and taking the steps to get your life back on track. You definitely deserve to be happy and have a lot of reasons to live and get support, and support all around you, both in real life and here on the site. Keep up the good work and stay strong, because I'll be rooting for you. You're definitely an inspiration!

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