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idk... just low - November 7th 2012, 02:19 AM

i just want to end it. i havent felt this low in a while.... just.. it's getting to me all over again. things change for a while, and then its all back to the same crap to deal with. i feel cold... and alone. i cut a few times like month ago, and broke the streak. but i didnt feel much better. its almost not enough. i know i cant think like this, its wrong, and life is precious, and Gos wants me to be happy, and i just need to trust things get so much better, and i know all that.... but i just dont want to wait. i dont want to live a long happy life. i dont want to get older, and make grown up decisions. i dont want to deal with being even more alone. my dream world is feeling like my reality again. And then i wake up, and see my life. and all i see is shit. there is one good thing. my pain and headaches are a tad better, since they found i have tmj problems and gave me a mouth orthotic. which is just another slow painful and 4 year long process. All i can think when im like this is " i just want to die. i just want this is finally be over" i just dont feel like dealing. this trying to do everything at once. being forced to actually. my parents can't accept im not totally focused on school. im putting health, me, and just my life, before school. id rather be failing, and love my life, than have straight a's and feel like shit all the time. but they cant see that or accept that. im not even failing. i have ONE b. just one. for all the shit i go through, that is freaking great. i know no one who does everything i do, deals with things i do, and has stll the highest grades in class. I just don;t understand why no one else sees that. no, everyone sees, im just a lazy ass girl who doesnt care. no one is on my side. i feel like everyone is against me. i just dont care anymore. i dont have any reason why i should be here. i have no reason to really be alive. now i think my parents are all who would miss me. i'm just so alone.....
   
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Re: idk... just low - November 7th 2012, 02:46 AM

Hey there, be glad your grades are still at the top. With my depression my grades plummeted and I have to struggle to meet the requirements.

There are good things in your life, but seemingly the bad outweighs. Focus on the positive, let go of the negative feelings. Your young, your beautiful, and don't forget that!

I'm here for you if you need me,

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
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When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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