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Austin V Offline
Definition of Insanity
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Name: Austin
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Location: Iowa

Posts: 12
Join Date: November 25th 2012

Im am utterly dead inside. - November 25th 2012, 06:06 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

There are quite of number of things I need help with. So I will just give you the gist of my problems. I have absolutely no friends. I get weird moods fluctuations. When I get to upset, I start laughing and become somewhat violent. I want to die. I have tried to hang myself, but it didn't work. My mom doesnt know I tried, but she knows Im upset. The only reason I havent killed myself yet is hope of a girlfriend/best friend to be my "family". Im just socially awkward. I read books, watch videos, and look at forums on how to find friends. I got a therapist 8 weeks ago. I havent seen her in 6 since she might die of cancer. I liked talking to her and she understood me. It is my luck that she might die. The only positive reaction kids make towards you is when you are a "punk" in class, or class clown. My mind doesnt work like other people's. Its like there are 3 different people debating everything I can remember. My brain is like a T.V that never goes off. I have nightmares of my family, and me... They always end up in a horrific ending. I feel strange. I used to cry every night. But a few weeks ago. I utterly gave in. I dont cry, I dont get mad. I just get my day over with and restart the cycle. I wrote a lot so I will end it here. I still have much more to talk about, but I want to see if anyone would even respond or help me. Thank you for reading.
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Re: Im am utterly dead inside. - November 25th 2012, 07:00 AM

Hi Austin. I'll be your friend. I've never met you but I care. You're special, just on the wrong path. Your life is too precious to end it. These feelings won't always be this bad. It'll be okay. Live for your family in the present and later on you'll have friends and a girlfriend. Life won't always be the way it is now. You're only 14, you've got so much good times ahead of you to end your life now.

I'm sorry about how you feel.
As for friends. Is there anyone in your school that seems kinda quiet and down to earth that aren't like "punks" you can make friends with?

Are there any school activities you can participate in to have a change of pace in your life? Any hobbies such as sports, biking, swimming, art? What about TV shows and movies/music? They help distract from feelings and such. I think everyone needs some kinda escape from reality and a little fiction to stir up some kinda emotion and lose yourself in. If you like the idea of that I'll recommend some TV shows and movies/music to you if you'd like.

Also, take a walk outside in the sunlight even if you don't want to. It'll induce natural chemicals in your brain to help you feel better.

About your dreams, a good to thing to do before bed to prevent bad dreams.

Don't eat at least a hour before bed.
Drink some chamomile tea to relax you.
Drink some warm milk.
Read a boring but peaceful book.
Think of other worlds and peaceful landscape and scenery.

I'm so sorry about your therapist... I hope she'll be okay. I'll pray for you and your therapist. Can you go visit your therapist in the hospital? Bring her flowers?

Always remember, you matter, you're important. Don't end your life. It's not worth ending your precious life. Things will get better and people do care about you.
Feel free to PM/VM me anytime you need to talk. I can always listen and try to give some advice.
Hope I helped! Stay Strong sweetie. <3 You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

~ Christabel
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