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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
OneRodeToAsaBay Offline
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Name: Becca
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So Sad it Hurts - November 26th 2012, 05:24 AM

I'll start this out by saying I'm not suicidal. I'm too depressed to care. I know where alot of my depression comes from. Alot of it is from my repressed sexuality and gender identity. The rest though, I just dont know. I don't have friends, at least not in the classic sense. I don't have a group/clique like everyone else, I just kinda drift around and talk to different people for like 2 seconds. I always feel helpless and alone, to the point where it's a struggle to not cry all the time. I'm hopeless with girls, and I'm hopeless with boys. I have no idea how my crush feels about me. I've never known anyone who likes me for anything more than my looks. I just feel so isolated. Music helps me get through the day (alot of Joy Division, Heretoir, Agalloch, and Darkthrone). I have only one person to talk to about my problems, but I feel like I'm just complaining when I try to tell her. I'm sorry if I come off as a complaining nuisance, I just really need to vent, and get help.
   
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Re: So Sad it Hurts - November 26th 2012, 08:08 AM


Hi Becca! :3
First off let me say I'm really sorry you feel this way, but it is really great and the first step to discovery that you reach out to get help, you are very brave.

Can you talk to your crush and tell them how you feel? Even though you may be shy to let them know that you like him/her, it's better to try even if you get rejected. Because if him/her goes out with someone else you missed your chance and you'll never know what it could have been. You'll have the weigh of not knowing off your shoulders and you'll know to yourself you tried out a possibility even knowing the possible negative/positive outcome.

You aren't a nuisance, at all. I'm sure she doesn't feel like you're complaining at all. That's the depression telling you that you're a nuisance, don't believe the depression. Everyone needs to vent and have support on our problems. No need to feel bad about it.

I'm sorry you feel like crying so much but when you're sad it's good to cry. It releases stress and can make you feel a little relief. Crying is good when you're sad.

When you drift around and can't talk to the same person for awhile, what are you feeling? Uninterested, numb, depressed, want of isolation from people?

Do you have any teachers or principles, parents, siblings, therapists or school counselors you can talk to about your depression? Check this link out.

Howcome you feel depressed about your sexuality and gender? What about it that makes you feel depressed?

You can talk to lots of friendly people here if you want. I'm always here if you need anything. I can be your friend and you don't have to feel like a burden to me.
I'll keep an eye on this post and in the mean time feel free to VM/PM me if you wanna talk about anything. Always remember, you DO matter.
I hope you feel better. Stay strong!

~ Christabel

Last edited by DeletedAccount17; November 26th 2012 at 08:14 AM.
   
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Re: So Sad it Hurts - November 26th 2012, 12:08 PM

Hey Christabel. Thanks for the support now to answer some of your questions. As for when I drift around, I'm usually genuinely interested in the conversations, just other people push me away and it makes me feel so alone. I want to have friends, but no one seems to like me. As for the gender and sexuality issue, it's that I am male to female transgender, meaning I was born male, but I have always felt more like a girl. I haven't come out to anyone about it yet, but I'm planning on doing it soon. As for people to talk to, the reason I feel like I'm being a nuisance to my friend is because, she's very comfortable talking about her problems, and hers are bad enough to make mine seem insignificant :/ and thank you. I've never had someone to talk to who truly cared, and I really appreciate it
   
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Re: So Sad it Hurts - November 26th 2012, 01:07 PM

You're so welcome. I think you should definitely come out to your family whenever you feel comfortable so you won't feel as alone. And also, even though her problems may be bigger ones, as long as you're listening to her too before you tell her what's bothering you I really think she doesn't mind because well, real friendship is supposed to be equal in friendly love, support, and understanding. Always keep that in mind.

I don't think people intentionally push you away although it may feel that way. Maybe some of those people are going through their own thing or were just really busy that day. Try reaching out more often. You seem like a really cool person and I think if someone took time to get to know you they wouldn't regret it. Try talking to more people more often.

You're welcome, I'd be happy if you could update me on how things are going. And again, I'm here if you need me. <3

~ Christabel
   
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Re: So Sad it Hurts - November 26th 2012, 02:10 PM

Thanks again. I'm not ready to come out to anyone yet, but I will soon. Every time I try I freeze up and chicken out. And this may sound silly, but do you have any advice on how to make friends with people, particularly my crush. You see her and I have been kinda friends for a few years, but i didn't start to take interest in her until recently. We have a somewhat similar music taste (music is the most important thing in my life) she's like the nicest person ever, and she is sooo pretty. The thing is, I wanna know how to get closer to her without seeming creepy. I figure you may have some advice, seeing as you're a girl. Thanks again
   
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Re: So Sad it Hurts - November 26th 2012, 04:17 PM


You're welcome. I like helping you out. oh and okay, hope it goes well when you decide to come out. C:

Haha no no, you don't sound creepy silly! Well I'd say... These things might be silly but they'd work with me lol.
When you see her, tell her you like her hair or she looks pretty today and have a light-hearted smile. In a generous tone without that smooth guy tone xD
Save her a seat at lunch.
Ask her if she's heard a song you like _____ it'd give you two conversation.
Ask to borrow a cd or ask her if she wants to borrow a cd that way one of you should end up returning it.
Invite her over for dinner maybe if its alright with your parents? Do you have a game console? Maybe play games with her if she's interested. It'd be nice to have bonding time.
Go on a study date.
If she seems to have fun, I'd mention your feelings because I think it's rather hard and could be emotionally painful for you if you get close to her then you find out she doesn't in return try not to come on too strong though. Hmm sorta like; "I don't wanna make this awkward but I gotta be honest, I have feelings for you". Even if she doesn't have a good reaction she still might like you, just may be confused. So be sure to give her time. Be hopeful.

As for making mutual friends. Try having a smile around people, and just be yourself or it'll get awkward trying to be someone you aren't. I try talking to people I wanna be friend with like this but don't come on too strong with questions, make sure to keep them apart so the person won't feel overwhelmed.
It's good to tell them about yourself but also ask them questions about themselves as well. That way you won't seem self-centered lol. Bad first impression.
"Hi! I'm Christabel, nice meeting you, ____" *smile*
"So I'm 13, I saw you around as I was just lurking around here and decided to out of the blue introduce myself hahah"
"Hmm so what kinda music do you like?"

Then maybe talk about tv and movies or games. You're bound to find someone with common interests that you'll eventually become friends with.

Best of luck with things!
Hope this helped! Feel free to ask further questions if you have any. :3

~ Christabel

Last edited by DeletedAccount17; November 26th 2012 at 04:26 PM.
   
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Re: So Sad it Hurts - November 26th 2012, 10:17 PM

Thanks alot! Before I saw this I was talking to her and I really wanted to say she was pretty (because today she was prettier than usual, something I thought impossible) but I didn't know how she would react, so I chickened out and we just made small talk. I really regret that now. I've noticed she's different around me than other friends of hers. She's not more shy, actually she's more outgoing and seems more genuinely happy. I've also caught her gazing at me a few times. Probably just coincidence. And just to let you know, I really appreciate your help so far. I'm not 100% yet, but you've definitely shown me that there are people who care, and if you ever need help, I'll be here for you See I've always had a problem where I can usually help others, but when it come down to helping myself, I'm a mess :/ But yeah thanks A BUNCH
   
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Re: So Sad it Hurts - November 27th 2012, 03:20 AM

Wow well, being a girl. I'd say she DOES like you. I really think you two would be a great pair.
You're welcome, my pleasure. And thank you Becca! I greatly appreciate that. c: I'll keep that in mind.

~ Christabel
   
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Re: So Sad it Hurts - November 27th 2012, 10:03 PM

Wow you think so? Thanks I'll definitely try a little harder and drop some hints. And as for making friends I think my issue was just that I was waiting for people to come to me, rather than going to people
   
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Re: So Sad it Hurts - November 29th 2012, 04:01 PM

Hi there, I'm sorry to hear about your problem but I also agree that you are very brave, and that's the first step, really.

I don't think your friend thinks your problems are insignificant at all, even if you may feel like that. If she seems comfortable talking about her problems, it's probably because she trusts you and feels comfortable around you, and wouldn't mind if you did the same.

About going to people, I know how that feels, but there's something else -- sometimes the group you're forced to belong to (e.g. class, neighborhood) is just incompatible, but you can find a lot of nice and friendly people elsewhere. I'm terribly shy and always lonely in class, but in my language school or even among my older sister's friends I can talk naturally. Whenever you feel like trying to make friends with someone, go for it, it's usually worth it; just don't force yourself to talk to people you don't like or have nothing in common to talk about.

I can't write down my thoughts very well, but hope this helps a bit.
   
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Re: So Sad it Hurts - November 29th 2012, 06:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by OneRodeToAsaBay View Post
Wow you think so? Thanks I'll definitely try a little harder and drop some hints. And as for making friends I think my issue was just that I was waiting for people to come to me, rather than going to people
I definitely thinks so. Yeah, sometimes you'll get reach-outs from other people but I think to succeed in making friends you have to reach out for the most part.

~ Christabel
   
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