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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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I've just been really stupid. - January 24th 2013, 08:44 PM

I don't know how long this is going to be but if you do read all of this, thanks. I suppose I've had problems on and off with depression for a while now. I saw a counsellor for a month but that's stopped now, purely because I don't have time to see her anymore. I thought I'd be fine but I'm not. It's gone kind of downhill again. Nothing particularly bad is happening in my life, but inside I just feel so miserable. I'm also having trouble sleeping. I can't sleep because I just get this overwhelming sense of dread for no reason, it's horrible. So now I don't even have sleep to look forward to and I'm tiered all the time. But the stupid thing I've done, was take painkillers. I took one last night and two the night before. I know that's not a huge amount and probably wouldn't do anything but still. I think that because I've had my knife taken away it's my new form of self harm. I'm just really ashamed and just feel stupid. I needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading.

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Re: I've just been really stupid. - January 24th 2013, 08:49 PM


Don't be hard on yourself.

If you could find time, I'm sure going back to the counsellor might help, so see if there's somewhere in your schedule.

As for the painkillers...well, do try really hard not to take anymore, and if you have to, get them removed from your reach by someone, but don't beat yourself up over them now. It has happened. So long as it doesn't happen again, it's OK.

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Re: I've just been really stupid. - January 25th 2013, 10:42 PM

Hey there :-)

Firstly, I want to tell you how glad I am that you've come to us for some help. I think that's a great step forward and something that you should be proud of yourself for doing.

You say you've been having problems with depression for some time now. Can I ask whether you think you have depression or whether you have been diagnosed with depression by a psychiatrist? Either way, feeling the way you feel isn't nice nor is it pleasant and I can relate to that for sure. I think ti's good that you saw a counsellor but I really want to encourage you to look into this again. Since your sixteen, I am assuming you saw a counsellor through CAMHS through the NHS unless you went into private health care. But is this something you can look into again? I think it might be a good idea for you to see you doctor and talk about a referral back into CAMHS. I know you say you don't have the time, but when we have problems with our heath which need to treatment, it's often the case that we have no choice but to make the time for the treatment. You know? A month is an incredibly short space of time and I think if you went back into counselling and stayed in for at least a few/several months that you might really benefit from it.

Not everyone becomes depressed because they've had something bad happen to them or because they have been through a traumatic experience. Sometimes, we have a chemical imbalance in the brain and it's often the case that medication is needed (anti depresents) to boost that chemical level back up to make us happier again but it's often helpful for people to have a mix of medication AND therapy so you also learn how to cope and manage these situations and so on. Most doctors prefer to try referrals to CAMHS for people at your age, because of your age because not a lot of medication is deemed "suitable" however, some doctors will try medication too.

I think sometimes it helps people to try things such as avoiding caffeine, avoiding stressful situations (like arguments and homework) late at night as well as things like, not having a bright light on, having the room at a right temperature, avoiding going on your laptop late and things like that. But sometimes I think we can get to a point where we try to hard as well and sometimes we just need to accept it and not get worked up about it. If you can't sleep after 20 minutes or so of being in bed, get up and get on with something and when your body is tried enough to sleep, you will doze off.

Any form of self harm is unhealthy and you're worth more than it, you know? And in reality, it isn't going to help you what so ever. If it did, we would only need to do it once or twice, we wouldn't need to keep going back to it. I know this is all really hard for you but recovery is possible and it's important that you remind yourself that. You are capable of beating this can getting through it, you know? You have a future, you have a life and you deserve the best but you need to make sure you don't suffer in silence okay? Ask for help when you need it and make the time.

You can do this, hang on in there,

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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