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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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..... - February 25th 2013, 04:17 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

no one loves me..and frankly i dont blame them
another reason for me to kill myself
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Re: ..... - February 25th 2013, 09:09 AM

Drew, even if you don't see it, people do love you and you gotta realize that. You can't lose sight of it. Depression has a way of blinding us.

Please remember everyone at TeenHelp cares about you too.
   
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Re: ..... - February 25th 2013, 09:15 PM

Another reason? What's the full list, let's work through this one by one. Gotta get a good workflow to get through these things.


i am a 99%
i helped defeat kony
i am part of the revolution evolution!
   
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Re: ..... - February 26th 2013, 04:43 AM

you shouldnt worry about me
i have a date set
wont be bothering anyone here anymore
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Re: ..... - February 26th 2013, 04:56 AM

Please call 911.
Do away with that date because life is worth living even if you don't see it. Live for us.
   
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Re: ..... - February 26th 2013, 09:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by I Miss You View Post
you shouldnt worry about me
i have a date set
wont be bothering anyone here anymore

That's not a very productive workflow. You have to have a team together in order to establish a synergetic environment.


i am a 99%
i helped defeat kony
i am part of the revolution evolution!
   
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Re: ..... - February 26th 2013, 10:30 PM

Hi,

I know I've replied to posts from you before, and it makes me so sad to see that you're still struggling. First of all, I want you to consider what you've written. I'll let you know why you're wrong and should reconsider all of this.

Nobody loves you?

Look back through your posts previous to this one. Look back at the comments that tell you they love you, begging with you to get the help you deserve and need. People put time and effort into replying and trying to get you to get yourself help. They worry over you, and are concerned that one day you may actually do something you can't reverse. They're scared about you hurting yourself and they are scared about the things you talk about. They love you, and it's hard to see sometimes, I know that, but the honest response to that is that people simply wouldn't be here, trying time and time again to get you to help yourself, if they didn't love you.

We shouldn't worry about you?

I have a question. How can you see that people love you if you push people away? I understand that sometimes it's easier to push people away, especially if you hurting hurts them, but in reality, all that's doing is hurting yourself even more. It's making you feel alone, and you don't like being alone, it makes you feel bad, but then you push people away even more which makes you feel even more alone. See the problem? You won't escape that continuous cycle unless you reach out and let people worry. Nobody wants people to worry about them constantly, but it's what people do when they care about people. Let people help you, they wouldn't offer if they weren't okay with being there for you. Why are they okay with that? Because they love you.

You've set a date?

Well, get rid of it. What will that achieve? The pain you leave behind by going through with plans like that is...unbelievable. People you didn't know would be affected by the loss of you would be. It would hurt people so much and you don't believe that it would because you don't allow yourself to believe people love you. Instead of setting a date, distract yourself. Don't plan that far ahead and take life one day at a time. IF that's too much, take it an hour at a time. Do what you need to do in that hour, get through the hour by doing what makes you happy and doesn't hurt you. Find a hobby, talk to some friends, go on a walk, draw, write. Anything. But never plan a date, because it gives you something to aim for that you shouldn't. It makes it final and you accept that it's going to happen, whereas if you fought for it, taking it just a little bit at a time, you're putting investment into surviving, which makes recovery so much more valuable. In 1 year, maybe 2, or 5..maybe 10, you'll look back at this and be so happy you didn't stick to that date, because life really can get better with a damn lot of hard work. Do not give up just because it's hard.

Bothering us?

Who's bothering us? This is TeenHELP. We WANT to help you. We're a support network, of people just like you, who struggle with things, who find living difficult sometimes. Many people here have lost people and experienced pain like what you'd leave behind by doing this. They don't want the same thing to happen to you too. They would rather help you than leave you to suffer alone. You are NOT bothering anyone.

In short, I'm telling you that you're not a lost cause. You're not a waste of our time and this date you've got set should be scrapped. You've gotten this far, why give up now? You have a hell of a lot to live for, a hell of a lot of potential to be someone amazing, and a hell of a lot of time left to show that.

Chin up, you can do this,
Hollie.


❤ Nana ❤
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the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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Re: ..... - March 1st 2013, 03:50 AM

im so scared to let anyone in...
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Re: ..... - March 1st 2013, 09:13 AM

Letting someone in is a very difficult thing, but it's very much worth it. You can write what you wanna tell someone in a letter/text if face to face is too intense. I hope you decide to let someone in because you deserve that support.
   
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Re: ..... - March 1st 2013, 10:04 AM

Letting people in is one of the scariest things to do, but once you do it it becomes a lot easier to cope because you're sharing the weight of what you're going through with them too. If you want to talk to me, I'm always here. You've been brave to come as far as you have, it's just a matter of being a bit more brave and talking to someone and letting them help.

Keep fighting. <3


❤ Nana ❤
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As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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Re: ..... - March 3rd 2013, 05:47 AM

i have this really bad feeling that im going to do something to myself
i dont think i can make it through this.....

im not really good with words....

i have struggled for so long...i just want it to be over..i cant keep up this facade any longer
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Re: ..... - March 17th 2013, 01:08 PM

Hey there.
About the opening up: I have an extremely difficult time opening up to people. I'm naturally an introvert and don't express my emotions (even though they are very powerful) in a way people can see. But once I started looking to suicide as an answer, I forced myself to reach at least one person.
I did it via email: I gmail-chatted a friend for two hours, and cried a lot. I wasn't ready for face-to-face interaction about something so personal.

Then I talked (and cried my heart out) to another friend and confessed everything. I was reaching the breaking point. Talk - a letter, a PM, an email, to their face - to somebody, anybody. To this day both of my friends hug me more (I usually push people away because I don't want to burden them with my problems, but crave hugs so badly). They made me promise to tell them if I'm feeling suicidal. They praise and talk to me. It's unbelievable.

Of course it's terribly difficult to accept their love, after years of thinking that I don't deserve it. Depression talks to you in a hiss that deceives you, blinds you. But I'm trying, trying. I seek praise, I force myself to smile. I make myself go for walks in the sunshine, surround myself with beauty. It's the only way I know someone loves me.

I know ALL about keeping up facades. It's exhausting, isn't it? Here's a trick I learned: every day, do something that makes a difference, no matter how small. Think about how only you did that action, that something that changed the world for the better. Reach to make as much of a positive impact on the world as you possibly can. It doesn't have to be major: it could be lots of little things.

Pick up litter. Teach a little kid something you know. Write poetry, artwork, and show it to someone. Bake cookies and give them away. These little acts of goodness are what make the world spin, friend. If you were to die now, you'd be missing out on all the things you could've done to better the world. You would miss out on all the beauty this life holds. You just have to find it.

One thing that helped me turn from suicide: I just don't know if there's something after this life where I can do good. As much as I sometimes hate life, I have to do good in it so I can ensure all the stuff that helped raise me won't be in vain. Speaking from the POV of a formerly-suicidal person.

Last edited by Blooming Cactus; March 17th 2013 at 01:17 PM. Reason: Not finished
   
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Re: ..... - March 22nd 2013, 05:14 AM

i dont think i can hold on anymore
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Re: ..... - March 22nd 2013, 09:44 AM

That's not true, Drew. You can hold on but only you can make the choice to do that. So please keep trying because your life is truly worth it. You do mean something.
   
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Re: ..... - April 1st 2013, 06:25 AM

the anniversary of the murder-suicide is just around the corner
i cant deal with this....it should have been me
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