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Novocaine9 Offline
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Unhappy Mistakes - April 16th 2015, 12:03 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've made so many mistakes. Lost so many friends. Lost my sister, she moved away because of me. Lost my parent's trust. I'm such a jerk, a loser. I made another mistake today. So far this year alone I've made two major mistakes that I can't take back. I know, I know, I should move on. But I've lost two important people in my life and the trust of my parents, psychiatrist, and group therapist all because I made a huge mistake. I know I say mean things quickly, and I make bad decisions sometimes. I'm usually a really nice person and a great student. But I have made two huge mistakes. I just don't know how to deal with it. I have been acting like I was happy this whole time, trying to block out my feelings and memories about the first mistake I made. Then the second mistake reminded me of how bad the first mistake was. Then I realized what I said was just as bad as what I tried to do. I'm so sad, so suicidal. I deserve to die. What I've said and done can't be taken back. Everyone's been telling me that. Even my psychiatrist said that what I did can't be taken back. I'm sure that everyone who knows me would be happy if I wasn't here. I may look happy, but inside i'm screaming, crying, and dying. I know there's no way that anyone could forgive me. Maybe if I kill myself they'll be happier, I won't be able to make anymore mistakes and hurt anyone else. I have no one right now. Everyone left me because of my mistakes. Maybe I deserve to be alone. Maybe I'll die in my sleep. Maybe then, they won't be affected by me anymore. This is my last plea for help. I just don't know what I should do anymore.
   
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Re: Mistakes - April 17th 2015, 04:26 AM

Hey there, I'm sorry to hear things aren't so great for you right now. The thing about mistakes is we're human we're going to make them. Some them may not be fixable right away, but we have to move on at the same time. It takes time to get over mistakes, but you can't let your life die just because of a mistake. I've made many myself and some of them I'd like to kick my butt daily for. My brother moved out partly because of me, and it hurts because we used to be close. Now I barely see him, and if I do I feel like he doesn't want to be around me. I've learned though that this is his choice, and while it was my fault I have to accept it and move on. THings may get better, they may not the important thing is I've accepted my mistake and done what I can to fix it. If you've done what you can to fix the mistakes, then you've done what you can do. Time to let go, and forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself is the first step to getting life back together. If you ever need to talk my PMs are always open okay? Don't ever think suicide is the answer, cause it isn't. There's lots of people here and your family even that will miss you. Just because you make a mistake doesn't mean people will stop loving you. It just means they need time to heal themselves.


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Re: Mistakes - April 17th 2015, 04:17 PM

Hey there,

I'm so sorry that you're going through all this.

Bre's right. Everyone makes mistakes, and at some point this will all blow over. It's not your fault if other people can't forgive you for being human, and if you've done everything in your ability to make it better, then you should forgive yourself! After all, how can you expect others to forgive and forget if you can't do the same?

Please stop blaming yourself for everything. You most certainly do not deserve to die. No one does. You are an amazing person who has made a few mistakes. Remember that!

And if you ever feel serious suicidal inclinations, please call a hotline that can be found in the resources section of TeenHelp for immediate help!

I hope this helped and feel free to PM me whenever!

Kyra
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