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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Cutie7519 Offline
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I sick of this life. Trig: SH and suicide - May 11th 2015, 02:05 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

On Dec 31st 2013, I was backer acter to the county psych unit, where I was diagnosed with serve depression and bipolar. I was put on anti-depressants that helped both for some time. Now I'm back because I'm sick of my life and my anti-depressant just isn't working to help my bipolar.

On Friday I got really bad and I almost self-admitted myself to the local hospital, I chickened out half way there.

On Thursday I self-harmed. Now I want to cut myself more severely.

Tomorrow my mom is calling out to get me professional help and get me put on maybe more meds.

Right now I want to die so bad. I'm sick of being unhappy all the time now. I want to cut myself so bad or overdose or something. I'm literally so unhappy right now and I can't stand it.



"It's easier to run, replacing this pain with something numb, it's so much easier to go, than face all this pain here all alone."- Linkin Park, Easier to run

"When the nightmares take me, I will scream with the howling wind." Owl City, Lonely Lullaby


Last edited by Kitty.; May 19th 2015 at 03:58 AM. Reason: Graphic content
   
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Re: I sick of this life. Trig: SH and suicide - May 11th 2015, 04:20 AM

I think you should take stock of the massive amount of bravery you have already shown. You made the decision to get yourself to hospital, knowing that you have some issues to deal with, acknowledging that you need some help and seeking that assistance. That is quite brave and while you may be sick of life at the moment, it means that you have an incentive there to keep on living.

Unfortunately that's the nature of getting help though, remedies continually change. You need to keep going onto different strains of medications, and the reliance on certain remedies might change, the importance of councelling vs. medication might change, there are so many things that remain can change when you're getting help.

The most important thing is to remain honest with your doctor and the staff looking after you, because they need every bit of information for treatment plan to work, and also, I recommend keeping up to date with your support network. Make sure you talk to your doctor and ask questions if you don't understand how certain medications work and make sure you know what's happening to you, what needs to be done.

I sincerely hope things get better for you soon, and that act of admitting yourself to hospital, while you would later reconsider it, was huge, because it meant you think it might get better .


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Re: I sick of this life. Trig: SH and suicide - May 12th 2015, 02:35 AM

It's good that your mom is aware of your situation and that you are both looking into getting you help. The above poster is right: the fact that you are doing what you feel is necessary shows your will to live (even if it may not seem like it right now). I wish you the best and hope everything goes well.
   
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Re: I sick of this life. Trig: SH and suicide - May 12th 2015, 05:54 PM

Hey there,

Alright buddy, do you actually want to die or do you want to stop feeling so shitty? Have you got a plan in place that you intend on carrying out? It's an incredible thing that you told your mom, you should be so bloody proud of yourself. You have recognised that you need help. Maybe telling your mom that you think hospital would be a good idea, she could support you in getting there.

I hope you find reasons to stick around. It takes time and plenty of fighting to get there but it will be worth it.

Take care.


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even if other people can’t tell by looking at you.”
   
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Re: I sick of this life. Trig: SH and suicide - May 12th 2015, 08:44 PM

Hi there,

It sounds to me that although you're in a tough situation, you're actually doing well even though it may not feel like it from your point of veiw. Nearly admitting yourself to hospital is a huge step (you cant even do that where I live!) but maybe part of you recognized that wasn't the help you need right now, but either way, you going and planning to do that was so brave.

I know this is hard but its really great you've got your mum involved too and that she's going to try and get you more professional help. If you have community support on a regular basis that will hopefully help, even to just have someone to talk to, you know? Get thins of your chest. It can be really helpful.

Do you know whats caused all of this? Maybe if you do know, you can talk to us about it and we can help you get through it and support you through it. You don't have to be alone in this.

Take care,
Jessie


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Re: I sick of this life. Trig: SH and suicide - May 20th 2015, 12:44 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sorry. View Post
Hey there,

Alright buddy, do you actually want to die or do you want to stop feeling so shitty? Have you got a plan in place that you intend on carrying out? It's an incredible thing that you told your mom, you should be so bloody proud of yourself. You have recognised that you need help. Maybe telling your mom that you think hospital would be a good idea, she could support you in getting there.

I hope you find reasons to stick around. It takes time and plenty of fighting to get there but it will be worth it.

Take care.
My mom is really against going to the hospital. She believes I'm not that "insane" My dad believes in hospital to help. But he doesn't want to see me admitted. My parents drove me to the hospital and then turned around when I said I couldn't go thru with it.

My mom is acting like I shouldn't get the help now. She doesn't believe in "mental illnesses" and that its all made up. She says she "sees" I need the help. But I don't believe it. I'm going to ask this person when I make the appointment to do a family therapy with me and my mom so she can help me when I have a bipolar spell. Instead of just yelling at me, which doesn't work or help and just makes me more upset.



"It's easier to run, replacing this pain with something numb, it's so much easier to go, than face all this pain here all alone."- Linkin Park, Easier to run

"When the nightmares take me, I will scream with the howling wind." Owl City, Lonely Lullaby

   
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