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Zemie Offline
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Name: Alex
Age: 22
Gender: Male

Posts: 38
Join Date: October 7th 2011

can't stop thinking about loved ones dying - June 2nd 2016, 01:07 AM

I worry so much about my loved ones dying and it's gotten to the point where I think about it every day and I get so stressed out and worried and sad. I think what started it was almost a year ago now my best friend died suddenly and he was like my soul mate, i don't know, I have never felt anything worse then that. I don't know.but this year I also started college and have been away from my family, which is also I think what brought this on. my grandma is a huge part of my life and she is getting very old now, she's nearly 80, and I can't imagine life without her. my animals as well, like my dog and one of my cats are pretty old now as well and I worry everyday at school I will get a call or text that they died and it tears me up inside that I would be stuck so far away. I even worry that like it's possible that anyone could die at any time, like my friends, even though they're all young death can just happen, out of no where, to anyone. it just makes me so sad. my own death doesn't scare me at all, but just, I can't stand this feeling of impending doom that has been bothering me for months
recently my pet ferret was diagnosed with both cancer and heart failure and the vet said he may live as little as a few more months, and I don't know how to deal with it. I've never had a pet with a terminal illness like that where death could come at any time so it is just a matter of waiting. I feel so guilty that I'm not spending all the time with him that I can, my mom made him stay at my grandmas while I was at college and now she won't let me bring him back home, and I feel guilty even though I try to visit him every day, that I don't get to be with him for whatever time he has left. I mean I guess it's better he's there because it's quieter so it's better for him, but I feel terrible I don't get to see him every day. like when I'm at home if I see where his cage was it makes me want to cry because it's like he's already gone

but yeah I mean I know that my worrying is getting in the way of enjoying life with my loved ones, so I am only making it worse. I don't even know what's the point of posting this, it just helps me to write things out sometimes
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