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LeRiA Offline
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Name: LeRiA
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Join Date: July 20th 2015

I can't take it anymore!!!! - June 22nd 2016, 07:05 PM

I can't take life anymore! The only people I have to depend on are my friends, and even they will disappear when I transition to high school. So, basically, I think I'm fat. My friends say I'm chubby, but I think I'm fat. My mom said that my legs are getting too big (she always calls me fat, e,g, look at those belly rolls. Put your flab away.) and told me that I need to exercise more. Is she serious. Every night, I do 10 lunges, 60 sit-ups, 5 push-ups and 20 wall sits. I told her this and said that it was puberty but she just shook her head and said "fat". To be fair though, I think she's jealous because her belly is the size of a double decker bus and mine is flat from my previous anorexia attack. Also, I have a really embarrassing birth mark on the side of my forehead. My friends call it a beauty mark and say that it makes me look like Marilyn Monroe but I could never ever be as pretty as her. My mom said that if I want it removed, I'll have to pay for it myself. I'm just sick of life. They day I'm skinny will be the day I'm happy... Yeah, never. i really need an exercise plan that will make me burn fat without gaining muscle... Do you have any?

I don't know why I'm having suicidal thoughts when I'm a child. I know it's definitely not a phase because I used to cut and I still have the scars. I hate : my weight
My skin colour
My skin complexion
My face
My body
My birthmark
My voice
My personality.... Everything! I just want to be a different person. I want to die.

I'm not a cutter, I'm a fighter.
These are my scars from battle.
This is the blood of my enemies.
Don't relate me to them, because unlike them,
I'm strong,
and they can be just like me if they try.
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JazzyJazz Offline
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Re: I can't take it anymore!!!! - June 23rd 2016, 03:00 AM

Hey there.

I'm sorry to learn that you are struggling. I will do my best to offer some advice.

First of all, the weight issue. You are right, puberty can cause weight fluctuations and a lot of people get stretch marks around your age because of it. So please don't let your mom make you feel ashamed of your weight.

At the same time, if you do want to lose weight, exercise such as swimming, cycling, running, or skipping with a rope is really good because it gets your heart rate up. The kind of exercises you are doing in your room will help with muscle tone, but won't burn many calories so you won't see much difference in terms of your weight.

As for the birthmark, many people have them and they're perfectly okay. However, if you feel that it undermines your confidence, you could try covering it with make up, such as concealer. But I really don't think you should hide it. Listen more to your friend when she says it's a beauty mark.

From my experience, most teenagers dislike certain things about themselves. As you get older, your perceptions change. You learn to accept yourself. You come to terms with the fact that there are things you can change, and others that you can't. And as you enter adulthood, you have more freedom to make those changes wherever you can. So please don't think about suicide, because you will probably feel differently about yourself and your life in the coming months and years.

I know it's difficult, but try to pay more attention to the things you do like about yourself. And if you can't think of any, try asking your friends what they like about you.

Speaking of friends, you say you feel like they will disappear when you go to highschool. This is not necessarily true. Whilst you may not see each other as much as you do now, there's no reason why you can't keep in contact. Plus, you will have the opportunity to make new friends, too.

Suicidal thoughts can occur at any age and there are lots of children who are suicidal. It's just not really spoken about that often. I found a webpage a few years ago - http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ - which says that, "Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain." Which leads me on to my final piece of advice - find resources, i.e. speak to people. You don't have to be alone with how you are feeling. It's great that you have reached out to us on TeenHelp, but I think it would also be a good idea to speak to someone in your offline world, such as a trusted adult or a school counsellor. Perhaps even your friends. I don't know how close you are, or whether you feel able to discuss these kinds of things, but if you opened up to them you might find that they too are dealing with issues and probably have aspects of themselves that they dislike.

I hope you can start being kinder to yourself.


Be kind to yourself.

Last edited by JazzyJazz; June 24th 2016 at 06:53 AM.
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