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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Friend wants to kill himself - June 26th 2016, 04:43 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I have a FtM trans friend with abusive parents and depression. on top of that, he has a crush on me,and is completely open about it. I was just laying in bed at like 11 something when he called and told me he was thinking about suicide. He said he was worthless, among other things. I think I convinced him not to, last I knew he was just gonna go to sleep. I can't say I'm releived. I only just met him 2 days ago, and by tonight I'm shaking and extremely stressed. I texted my other friend and asked him to help, which he did. I was ready to call the police, but we were (I think) able to stop him. I'm really worried and conflicted, I don't know what to do or who to tell. So far it's between the three of us but I'm going to tell my therapist but I don't even know where to start with my parents. I especially don't know what to do about his crush. The last thing he said before hanging up was "I love you" and I didn't get to say anything after. I just can't return those feelings!!!! I don't feel that way at all but I don't want to hurt him or make him more depressed. The last thing I need is to find out I've made things worse bu rejecting him!! This really puts me on edge and honestly makes me uncomfortable. I fear talking to my parents about this, and I really, really hope they didn't overhear me tonight. All I know is I'm scared and confused. I don't know what to do anymore, I've never dealt with anything like this!!
   
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Re: Friend wants to kill himself - June 26th 2016, 03:20 PM

I'm sorry that you were put into a position like this. It sounds like your friend really needs someone to help him. You can try to see him more often (if you don't already) and be nearby all the time, and if he needs to talk about something, the best thing to do is listen. You should also say supportive things a lot. Boosting his self esteem even just a little bit will help a lot. If he feels that you are trustworthy and supportive, he will be less likely to hurt himself. I once had a friend like this, and I stayed near her at all times, (well, most of the time) and I was supportive. She'd lost a lot of friends because everyone said that she did this for attention. I eventually talked her out of it. When you're in a conversation with him, don't always talk about the bad things that happen. If he got a A on a test talk about that. If he found a dollar on the sidewalk talk about that. Also, maybe try to get that conversation in a funny tone. If he's laughing (even just a little) he'll have more happiness and he won't focus on the bad so much. Maybe find something that you could get him to like doing, so he's not occupied with sad thoughts all the time. Maybe buy him a video game, or a book. Distracting him from all the bad things really helps so that you don't realize all the bad things and focus on the good.

I hope this helps, and that your friend will get better. xoxo
   
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Re: Friend wants to kill himself - June 26th 2016, 05:13 PM

I'm really sorry to hear about what your friend is going through, but it's good that you're looking at ways to help support them. They're lucky to have a friend like you.

It's good that you're supporting them and talking to them, and while I agree the best thing you can do is listen and be there for them, I also think you have to keep in mind of yourself as well. Your friend is making you uncomfortable with their feelings towards you. There's nothing wrong with that and it does not make you a bad friend at all. I do understand your fear at making them feel worse, and it's okay to take it easy and take time for yourself as well. It's like when you're on an airplane - they always go through procedures and in case of an emergency you have to put your oxygen mask on before helping someone else with their own. You have to look at for you.

Now I don't know how old you are, but if you attend any type of school, is there an adult that you feel comfortable talking to about this situation? You said you were worried about your parents, but there are also a number of great people to go to at a school setting such as a counselor, teacher, or your principal. They can help give you some advice on how to help your friend, and figure out what to do with the feelings they have for you. You can't help him by yourself. Sometimes you just need a little help too.

I hope this helps a bit!


"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
   
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Re: Friend wants to kill himself - June 27th 2016, 08:52 PM

Thank you so much Callisto and ATwentyCharacterName for your replies. You give good advice
I have a little more info on what's been going on though, and kind of a completely new problem now. Apparently this sort of thing has happened before. Well, I told my mom and my therapist what happened. My mom called his mom and we found out a bit more. We're now not sure if the "abuse" story is true, or for attention or something. He says his parents abuse him but then avoids letting anyone do anything about, talk to his parents, etc. Apparently CPS knows, yet he's still living in the same house. Even my therapist says something doesn't add up. We also found out he's kind of mentally unstable (or so his mom says?).
I'm actually really freaked out right now because he won't leave me alone. He wants to hang out everyday (almost insists), constantly calls/texts me, and is acting oddly about his crush on me. I feel borderline harassed at this point and my mom wants me to stay away from him, as do I. I feel so torn since he's obviously unwell but I really want to just not be involved in this anymore. I didn't ask for this chaos and in all honesty I just want to be left alone. I'm scared and I get tense when talking to my mom now because he's been acting so strange (that's with my mom not even knowing about his crush, which I desperately hope she doesn't find out). It almost makes me feel like I did something wrong for being around the guy. He literally wants to date me when I only just met him and it's creeping me the f@$# out.
   
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Re: Friend wants to kill himself - June 28th 2016, 10:13 PM

That does seem really frustrating, and I would feel similar as well. You should really set boundaries between you and you're friend. Can you tell him something along the lines of "I can only talk at these times. x and y"

and I don't think you did anything wrong by trying to help him. With the abuse, it's important to always take abuse very seriously, because things can be twisted, but unfortunately it can go either way. I think your best option is to report whatever you hear, but try not to get involved if at all possible. It is not your responsibility to step in, just report so the right measures can be taken to keep him safe.


"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
   
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