TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

(SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 7th 2016, 05:51 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've helped others, but the one who has helped me throughout the past 3 years is leaving my life.It's more my fault than hers .. and I cared too much. I needed to give her space because it was her battle to fight, her problem to solve.I didn't know that and I told out some of her secrets to the last people on earth who should know them. I'm devastated.I'd rather die than repeat that mistake again, and I've learned it. But then again, that isn't saying much now because right now, dying seems attractive compared to well... a lot of things. I know that it's probably time for me to go.

I've always known that some people are destined for happiness and some aren't. I now know that I'm part of the latter group. Is there a way for me to kill myself without anyone else being emotionally pained by it?

Thanks. I've sorta set a date, and its probably next friday. I'll keep trying every friday, until i succeed. I know that I'll probably fail once or twice at first. So if you stop hearing from me, just know that you guys have to take care of yourselves, make sure to be happy.. and know that you people deserve better than this.

I love you guys, and its impossible for me to not love you guys. Thank you for everything.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.

Last edited by Green Yoshi; July 7th 2016 at 06:08 AM.
   
Users of TeenHelp have rated post 1243191 as the most helpful or liked. Click here to skip right to it!
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
TheAtomicBlade Offline
Resident Sith
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
TheAtomicBlade's Avatar
 
Name: Tortellini
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Location: Executor Star Ship

Posts: 950
Join Date: May 7th 2016

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 7th 2016, 02:15 PM

Hey mate,
please don't kill yourself. You're an amazing person, and the world would be sorry to lose you.
I'm sorry for what happened between you and that person. Would it be possible for you to talk to her, and apologise. Maybe by communicating things can get better?
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 7th 2016, 03:22 PM

I've tried my best. It's not going to work. I need a miracle, or else I'm probably done for. Don't think there's anything left to save me..


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Chaotic mind...
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
Forging Galaxies's Avatar
 
Name: Pathetic person
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Location: Hell

Posts: 650
Join Date: April 15th 2013

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 7th 2016, 03:31 PM

While I don't understand what you could've possibly done other than caring too much (which is a good thing so I doubt whatever occurred is even your fault). I don't think it's an excuse to die over, you need to build up your strength and move on from whatever occurred between you two. I know things can be pretty bad right now, and that's especially since you're at the very heat of things. Wait for yourself to cool down emotionally and mentally, and then ask yourself if you want to die. Because I believe you'll find that you don't want to die anymore, and want to live life again despite all the terrible things in the world.

However, I'm open to being told I'm ignorant since I don't know what thing "event" that happened between you and this girl that made you suicidal. PM me if you wish, and I'll try my best to advice you specifically.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 7th 2016, 03:41 PM

I told her secrets out. It is irrevocably and unanimously my fault. Nothing can change that and I take full responsibility for it. That makes me a betrayer. .. I think that this thing is a bit too much of a big blow. I don't know how much more I can take.

Next friday seems to be my limit for now.

Thanks Thomas... but I don't know how much longer I can do this for.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Chaotic mind...
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
Forging Galaxies's Avatar
 
Name: Pathetic person
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Location: Hell

Posts: 650
Join Date: April 15th 2013

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 7th 2016, 04:03 PM

Did you know these were secrets before you told them to whoever? If she didn't tell you they were, it's not your fault to be honest.

Regardless, it's still not an excuse to kill yourself over. Take this as an opportunity to become better, become someone more good than you were ever before.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 7th 2016, 04:16 PM

I knew that these were. EDIT : I actually didn't really know whether she wanted me to keep this secret when she told me, but I guess I do now. its something that will haunt me for the rest of my lifetime (maybe that means until next friday )

I think that from now on... maybe i'll just really really be a curse for anyone I meet. So perhaps its better for no one to meet me.

I know it sounds hopeless, but that's probably how things really are.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.

Last edited by Green Yoshi; July 8th 2016 at 04:16 AM.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
DeletedAccount2
Guest
 
DeletedAccount2's Avatar
Edit avatar
 

Posts: n/a

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 7th 2016, 06:35 PM

Hey.
Trust me i understand u and what ur going through. but i would miss u if u died so please dont. i am always here fo u.

i have been on both sides of ur situation so i can see where both of u r coming from. if they dont forgive u, that is their problem. but u need to keep strivin bc life is full of great things that u wont wanna miss.

i know from experience that a lot if times i go through the hardest times right before something great happens. just know that it WILL get better even if its next month.

ill be praying for that miricle u talked about. feel free to pm me if u need anything. hope i helped!
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 7th 2016, 06:40 PM

Thanks We shall see if miracles do happen... but the thing is I'm extremely extremely sure that it won't happen..

Thanks.. I'll try to be around for as long as I can, but I'm sorry .. that might not be very long at all.

Thanks.. we shall see. I'm at the very limit of my determination, so let's see if its the end for me..

Cheyenne, you're a sweet girl and you deserve the very , very best. Stay happy and remember that you're loved.

I know that life is full of great things, but there's always some people like me who always seem to have it slip away.

Cheyenne.. wherever you go, just remember that you're special. Keep that with you wherever you go..


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
Fanatic Offline
In Christ Alone ♥
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
Fanatic's Avatar
 
Name: Mary
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: In Wonderland ♥

Posts: 424
Blog Entries: 15
Join Date: February 8th 2010

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 8th 2016, 02:12 AM

it pains me to see such a wonderful, supportive person give up on themselves especially you. Please, don't kill yourself and it's funny coming from someone who has in fact tries to kill themselves dozens of times and self-harmed themselves a lot, but don't leave. Don't let relationships or anyone bring to kill yourself, because it just isn't worth it. I've let people hurt me as well and as much as it hurts, you in fact need to be better than them. Please talk to me if it works, but please don't do anything stupid or hurtful towards yourself, because you are worthy of love. <3



"I'm not a piece of cake for you to just discard
While you walk away with the frosting of my heart
So I'm taking back what's mine, you'll miss
The slice of heaven that I gave to you last night
." - "Cake" by Melanie Martinez


  Send a message via Skype™ to Fanatic 
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
Catlady Offline
Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
Catlady's Avatar
 
Age: 19
Gender: Other
Location: USA

Posts: 243
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: November 17th 2015

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 8th 2016, 02:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Yoshi View Post
I've helped others, but the one who has helped me throughout the past 3 years is leaving my life.It's more my fault than hers .. and I cared too much. I needed to give her space because it was her battle to fight, her problem to solve.I didn't know that and I told out some of her secrets to the last people on earth who should know them. I'm devastated.I'd rather die than repeat that mistake again, and I've learned it. But then again, that isn't saying much now because right now, dying seems attractive compared to well... a lot of things. I know that it's probably time for me to go.

I've always known that some people are destined for happiness and some aren't. I now know that I'm part of the latter group. Is there a way for me to kill myself without anyone else being emotionally pained by it?

Thanks. I've sorta set a date, and its probably next friday. I'll keep trying every friday, until i succeed. I know that I'll probably fail once or twice at first. So if you stop hearing from me, just know that you guys have to take care of yourselves, make sure to be happy.. and know that you people deserve better than this.

I love you guys, and its impossible for me to not love you guys. Thank you for everything.
Hey there
This has just made me incredibly sad! You are one person who I've always thought about you always have believed and me and have saved me soooo many times that you don't even know. Please don't give up. We all think that death is the answer but it's not. No matter how much pain we go through killing ourselves isn't the answer. Try talking to her. Try working it out. Just please please don't try to kills yourself. You have SO many people who love and care and would seriously flip the hell out if something happened to you!
I'm here if you need ANYTHING!
Lots of love,
Kaliope


Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. ~Oscar Wilde.
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 8th 2016, 03:58 AM

Thanks Mary and Kaliope... I'll try my very best, but this person is also one of the main factors in helping me overcoming my catatonic state 5 years ago (it was bad... anyone who knew me a few years ago will definitely agree to that. ) and it means a lot.. But she was literally someone that made me smile every day, and when someone like that leaves, its extremely hard to recover. I daresay that this might be the fatal blow.. we shall see.

You girls are really sweet.. you are blessings and make sure that you never forget that.

Mary, I agree that some relationships can hurt. But when you're deprived of happiness and friendships for so long.. seeing such a sweet, happy one go south is a blow that one simply can't fully recover from..

Kaliope, what you said to me means more to me than you'll ever know, and thank you.. Any advice on how to get through this, cause it feels as if there's no light at the end of the tunnel.. I've tried talking to her, but she has even told me " DON'T EVEN THINK of dropping me presents at my place for my birthday "and her birthday is on October 25th, three months from now. That means she's really, really angry at me.. and I'm sure that this is the final blow for me. Some emotional blows are just ones you don't recover from.

just 7 days left. I've the time, method, and place figured out.

One more week.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.

Last edited by Green Yoshi; July 8th 2016 at 05:15 AM.
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 8th 2016, 09:24 AM

I've decided to stay alive for now.. but I'm still in a tough position, so I'm not sure how things will go in the future.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
3 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
DeletedAccount2
Guest
 
DeletedAccount2's Avatar
Edit avatar
 

Posts: n/a

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 8th 2016, 09:28 PM

yay so glad uve decided to stay alive! things will get better and i can promise u that!
   
  (#15 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 9th 2016, 01:50 AM

But the problem I'm still unsure if that's my final decision. The damage to my heart is worse than i anticipated.. Thanks cheyenne.. your support means a lot.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
TheAtomicBlade Offline
Resident Sith
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
TheAtomicBlade's Avatar
 
Name: Tortellini
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Location: Executor Star Ship

Posts: 950
Join Date: May 7th 2016

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 9th 2016, 04:18 AM

Glad you're holding out mate!
You're really an amazing person! I know you're hurting a lot right now, but it will get better! Really!
PM me if you would like to chat.
   
  (#17 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 9th 2016, 04:39 AM

I sure will.

I don't think I'll ever experience pain like this again. This is kind of on a whole other level. For now, I might be safe.

But who knows what will happen later.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#18 (permalink)) Old
~Radio Flyer~ Offline
Please call that story back.

I've been here a while
********
 
~Radio Flyer~'s Avatar
 
Name: Violet
Gender: Other
Location: Koolibah tree

Posts: 1,339
Blog Entries: 460
Join Date: May 12th 2016

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 9th 2016, 02:52 PM

I know you're taking it hard on yourself and yes you've done something wrong but that's part of being human and it's going to be okay. Like think of it this way, you can reflect on what had happened, and think how to move forward from here. What will you do differently next time? what will you do the same? what will you not do next time? etc. I really think these are the questions that you should be asking yourself instead of wondering what will be the easiest way to die. Believe me when I say I've been in that dark place so so so many times. But at the end of the day, you too deserve the compassion you've been giving everyone else.


That's not to excuse yourself but to have the lesson learned. It's something that does take work but it also takes love for yourself because no one can really learn when there's intense unresolved shame weighing over a person. That's not a conductive learning environment. Now the strength lies not in dwelling on what you've done or didn't do, but how you take it from here. How you make something stressful into something with purpose such as changing for the better. This is coming from someone with anger problems and other things i wont get into but I am trying to make that very weakness into something positive. It's not easy. But I think when I start to see improvement, it's a particular satisfaction of looking back and seeing how far I've come, and to top it off it's especially from someone who was so low before so it's like defying a certain condition, overcoming what seemed to be fate by making a positive choice. I think you have the opportunity to do that too from this situation you're in.

In other words, you're in a lot of emotional turmoil and at one point, maybe not now because it takes time for it to start happening, you'll start feeling a certain kind of passion of "I can't keep living like this. Something has to change" and when that passion comes, it may come with anger too, but it will be the energy that moves you to the next step of taking action. Because it's true, you don't want to go back into this whole new level ever again, as you were saying. So you make that happen and live to tell the tale. I believe it will be a journey but it's possible to do nonetheless.

I know it's hard to have this kind of rejection. It could be she's really hurting right now. And you are too so it's important to take care of yourself. Whatever she's going through right now is her battle and her healing process and that's going to take time. For now, focus on giving yourself time to heal too. Maybe if you haven't already, when you feel like you're calm you can apologize to her. And then leave it up to her to make the decision on how she feels about it. Try not to judge her or get angry if she doesn't forgive you. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, it just means in this particular moment in time, she's not ready to forgive. That may or may not change but right now focus on taking care of yourself. Again, easier said than done and honest to god I know how hard it is but that's really something I think is important right now.

Lastly, I wanted to mention that the silence will eat you up, because that's what emotional pain can do sometimes if it's kept silent. So do what you can to express yourself because it will help you heal. I think that talking about it, when you're ready will help. But the fact that it is hard to talk about means it's probably something important to try to speak about.

I'm glad you've decided to stay with us a little longer. You can always change your mind to decide to stay for alot longer. But sometimes it takes losing yourself to find yourself again.

Take care and lots of love in your direction

Last edited by ~Radio Flyer~; July 9th 2016 at 03:07 PM.
   
  (#19 (permalink)) Old
JazzyJazz Offline
Associate HelpLINK Mentor
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
JazzyJazz's Avatar
 
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: England

Posts: 394
Blog Entries: 3
Join Date: September 15th 2015

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 9th 2016, 03:20 PM

Hi Yoshi.

Have you spoken to this friend recently? Does she know that this ordeal left you feeling suicidal?

I'm sure that, no matter how much you hurt her, she would not want you to kill yourself. As you said, at the time you were not aware that you were supposed to be keeping secrets. Therefore you did not tell other people out of malice. It was a genuine error and I think most of us can say that we have been in a similar situation at some point. I certainly have. Back in highschool my friend told me that she was self-harming. I didn't realise she wanted it to remain between the two of us so I confided in my brother. She was upset when he went to her about it, but what upset her the most was knowing that I had felt like I didn't deserve to live any more because I'd made this mistake.

She forgave me and I'm sure that, given enough time, your friend will forgive you too. And if she doesn't, that's unfortunate and shows a very negative side of her. Yes, it's only natural for her to feel upset, but we all make mistakes and, ultimately, she should be grateful that you were there for her to confide in in the first place.

If you haven't done so already, my advice would be to let her know how upset this has made you. Make the point that you are not trying to make her feel guilty, but that you are telling her in order to illustrate how bad you feel because you valued her friendship so much. Acknowledge that you made a mistake, but reiterate that you didn't realise that the information was confidential and never meant to hurt her. And then leave it at that. The ball will be in her court and it's up to her to decide what she wants to do, which may take her a while. But you will have done all you can and having the opportunity to get things off your chest will be beneficial for you.

It's not always easy being a source of support for someone else, as this episode has demonstrated. From what I have seen, you are someone who people naturally want to confide in because you are so caring and sympathetic. However, this does put a huge pressure on you to try and help people and, in some cases, keep their secrets. Things get even harder when you don't realise that something is a secret, a problem which is more common than you might think. The truth is, it's not always easy to tell when someone is giving you information that they want to remain private and, since friends don't normally have a formal confidentiality agreement, mistakes are bound to occur and I therefore think she should cut you some slack.

I know that you want to support others, but I think it's important that you take time to help yourself too. I understand that you were very close to this friend and that she helped you to feel better a few years ago, but I think your response has been very extreme and indicates that you are not as emotionally robust as you need to be in order to survive in this world. I realise that sounds a bit melodramatic, but the truth is that there are going to be times when you upset people, or people desert you, or both, and if your response is to set a date to kill yourself then I think that's very dangerous.

If you feel like you are living on some kind of knife edge, I really would urge you to seek professional help from someone like a counsellor. You are a fantastic person and you deserve to have such high self-esteem that no one can knock you down. Unfortunately, at the moment, this doesn't seem to be the case and I am therefore concerned for you.

I hope you appreciate my honesty and don't take offence to anything I've written because it definitely isn't intended to upset you.

I want you to know that, like many other TH members, I am always here for you.

I hope that you can move on from this event and start to feel much better. But please bear in mind that you don't have to do it alone.

Jasmine


Be kind to yourself.
   
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#20 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 9th 2016, 03:22 PM

Thanks Maizel. Your advice is so what I needed... my healing process was extremely painful during the first two days, and it was during those days that i made this thread with the purpose of saying goodbye to everyone and anyone who knew me on here. But, that has slowly changed with time... I also think that I might have been a little bit too immature, and I thought that I deserved the worst from this. It was after all a secret that she wanted to tell me, and its probably better that it remained a secret.

I also think that its probably better for me to go on a journey of recovery. I'll try to learn positive values and slowly reinsert them into my life...

But nothing will ever change the fact that she means a lot to me, and probably always will. In fact, she was the one who saved me from all the pain I experienced last time, and she'll remain my savior forever.

I 'm sure she's hurting... so am I. But what I know is that I'll never betray her again ( I'd rather die than betray her again.. thats how i feel about this ) and we shall see what happens. I'm used to bad endings though.. will be a surprise if this turns out well....

Thanks Maizel, and I think that I'll try to express myself a lot. I think that this incident has indeed pushed me back to my darker days again, and I do need lots of help to fully overcome this.

Thanks... you are a great person.. your advice is so helpful.

You have a great day too.

Jazzy, thanks so much.She doesn't know yet.

I think that what you went through with your friend must have been very painful, and I'm glad that your friend forgave you and I do think thats probably the best course of action for me to take. I'll probably not be forgiven, but I'll try my best. I think that there's nothing much I can do except hope for the best and try to apologize. But her wounds are still fresh, so I'll wait a little first before I apologize and take action. But I think that what you said about confidentiality is really true as well.

You're definitely right. I might need some emotional strength. We shall see what happens later...

Thanks You people are really sweet and nice. She is a really sweet, nice person and even if she hates my guts, I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that she is happy. I would take a bullet for her if i have to !


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#21 (permalink)) Old
~Radio Flyer~ Offline
Please call that story back.

I've been here a while
********
 
~Radio Flyer~'s Avatar
 
Name: Violet
Gender: Other
Location: Koolibah tree

Posts: 1,339
Blog Entries: 460
Join Date: May 12th 2016

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 9th 2016, 03:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Yoshi View Post
I knew that these were. EDIT : I actually didn't really know whether she wanted me to keep this secret when she told me, but I guess I do now. its something that will haunt me for the rest of my lifetime (maybe that means until next friday )

I think that from now on... maybe i'll just really really be a curse for anyone I meet. So perhaps its better for no one to meet me.

I know it sounds hopeless, but that's probably how things really are.
I didn't see this edit. I was going by what you said before-that you did know. I personally had told a few people secrets that I begged them not to tell anyone and then they did. And that was painful and a horrible feeling. There's also someone right now who promised not to tell my secret but then changes her mind, I try so hard to convince her and remind her that she promised me and changes her mind back and it's very draining and I don't think that's what you've been doing at all. You weren't fooling around with her, from what I'm seeing here you did the best with what you knew. You were being genuine. It wasn't what she wanted but it's what you thought she'd be okay with at the moment. Honestly, knowing someone's intention helps and I hope explaining your intention helps the both of you. In addition, if the outcome of her secret being out to the people you've told hadn't been harmful, that fact would hopefully help the situation. Although, I'm wondering if there were any harmful effects towards her from those people to whom you've told the secret?
   
  (#22 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 9th 2016, 04:01 PM

Well I guess that the outcome of the secret being told will at first be embarassing to her, but it MIGHT or might not be better in the long run.

I think that for harmful effects, it might be minimal. But I still think that I should have known that this was a secret, and that no one should have known.

It was a fallacy on my part, and I accept all the blame for it.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.

Last edited by Green Yoshi; July 9th 2016 at 05:02 PM.
   
  (#23 (permalink)) Old
~Radio Flyer~ Offline
Please call that story back.

I've been here a while
********
 
~Radio Flyer~'s Avatar
 
Name: Violet
Gender: Other
Location: Koolibah tree

Posts: 1,339
Blog Entries: 460
Join Date: May 12th 2016

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 9th 2016, 05:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Yoshi View Post
Well I guess that the outcome of the secret being told will at first be embarassing to her, but it MIGHT or might not be better in the long run.

I think that for harmful effects, it might be minimal. But I still think that I should have known that this was a secret, and that no one should have known.

It was a fallacy on my part, and I accept all the blame for it.
I see what you're saying. We often tell ourselves we could've, should've, would've but the in the end we didn't and in your case you're saying you didn't know. It was a genuine mistake. You also may or may have not known that it would get back around to her. When we are told secrets, these secrets can be heavy things to share the weight of and we think telling someone else can help. For instance, if I told someone I self harm and that person says they wont tell anyone but then ends up telling a teacher. It could be that said person was very worried and felt like they had to tell someone. It won't help the situation to hurt yourself over this, I can promise you that

Now I also understand you're saying when you say it was something you did that was wrong but I don't think that blame is the right thing to have. Blame doesn't sound very helpful. Blame has like an intimidating impact to it. It has self-punishment, it has feeling ashamed attached to it. At least in my experience. I think it's okay to feel like you're accountable and acknowledge a mistake. But try to see the reality of the situation for the facts that had happened rather than inserting what you imagine should have happened, if that makes sense. The reality is that you didn't know. You may or may have not known that this would result in her feeling embarrassed if it was told. You may or may have not known she meant it as a secret that she intended to remain confidential. The fact that you did not know means it was lost in communication along the way. You can only go from here in trying to understand in the future what a person wants and doesn't want you to say to others, which also takes the other person to tell you this. You also want the person you do tell someone else's information to someone who won't go around and telling other people or going back and telling the person who the secret belongs to which honestly is not something you can control so I'm sorry that this whole thing even happened.

Let's say hypothetically speaking I was asked to buy a dozen eggs from the market, right? And I'm told specifically, "please get the cage-free ones" So I go to the store and the cage-free ones are sold out. I was not told what to do in this scenario where there were no cage-free eggs. Now I have a few options, I can walk out empty handed or I can try getting an alternative. Now whatever I do, will not be the precise thing that I was asked to do but I have to use my judgement in the best of my ability to do something I think will be equally acceptable or closest to the original request. Now hopefully if I go home, and explain what happened any decision that happens will not result in feeling intimidated. But in fact, there were times that I came home and was yelled at for this. Now in your situation, that's sort of what happened to you. You were not told NOT to tell the secret, but you were not told TO tell the secret. You were not given ANY information or requests regarding this. Just like in the case of me not being told what to do in a situation that there are no cage-free eggs, you were not told what to do in a situation that you felt it was necessary to tell someone this information and had to use what you knew to make this decision to the best of your ability.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is, there wasn't sufficient information provided and you did what you thought was best. You don't deserve to be blamed, it just isn't productive. It's okay to take responsibility by acknowledging that she's hurt and apologizing that your actions led to that even though that wasn't your intention. It's true she's hurt, and all you can do is realize she being upset is valid. What would be helpful is talking about what you can do next time. But seeing as she's not ready to do that, that's not something you can do right now with her. People do mistakes all the time though, people hurt each other all the time by mistake and sometimes on purpose and sometimes a mixture. But from where I'm standing you've acknowledged what happened had hurt her and you dont want to do it again. I don't see what else you can do, you know? You shouldnt hurt yourself over this though. It's only about growing from here.
   
  (#24 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 9th 2016, 05:32 PM

Thanks Maizel.. What you said means a lot to me. I 'll never ever want to hurt her intentionally.

I'll keep hold of your words.. and remember that I won't be taking so much of the blame ( but its my fault though )

I think that I used it to the worst of my abilities, and that I should have talked to her first before starting any countermeasure for whatever has transpired. I know that its my fault, and ... yeah.

Hurting myself sounds a little attractive now, but I'm trying to resist it to the absolute fullest of my activities. But its hard.. i feel as if a war is going on inside my body and that its like an eternal stalemate.

I found your post very insightful.. thanks


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#25 (permalink)) Old
~Radio Flyer~ Offline
Please call that story back.

I've been here a while
********
 
~Radio Flyer~'s Avatar
 
Name: Violet
Gender: Other
Location: Koolibah tree

Posts: 1,339
Blog Entries: 460
Join Date: May 12th 2016

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 9th 2016, 08:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Yoshi View Post
Thanks Maizel.. What you said means a lot to me. I 'll never ever want to hurt her intentionally.

I'll keep hold of your words.. and remember that I won't be taking so much of the blame ( but its my fault though )

I think that I used it to the worst of my abilities, and that I should have talked to her first before starting any countermeasure for whatever has transpired. I know that its my fault, and ... yeah.

Hurting myself sounds a little attractive now, but I'm trying to resist it to the absolute fullest of my activities. But its hard.. i feel as if a war is going on inside my body and that its like an eternal stalemate.

I found your post very insightful.. thanks
You're very welcome, I'm so glad I can help a little. Also, can you say a little more about what countermeasures you did for what has transpired?
   
  (#26 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 10th 2016, 05:01 AM

Pretty much a party to help things out ( in this situation it does ) but I guess the way I went about it was definitely wrong.

Also, I do think that this might be impossible to save. I think this incident might scar me for the rest of my life, and whether that's a long period or just a short one... remains to be seen.

I also know that this will push me back towards heavy drinking.


I'm also trying to finalize my answer on whether I will live or die. It feels as though there is little hope, and there's like a huge hole where my heart once was.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.

Last edited by Green Yoshi; July 10th 2016 at 06:23 AM.
   
  (#27 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

Re: (SUICIDE ) Given up on life. - July 11th 2016, 04:13 PM

Well, never mind. Turns out that i needed to do some soul-searching, and I've found the mental strength needed to overcome this.

There was some additional drama .. all of which is my fault . But I just hope that it'll all be healed in due time.

As for the girl, I wish her nothing but luck and happiness in the future. I'll always have her back anytime, anyway. When she needs me to return, I'll return.

For now, I'll be surviving, and I'll move on to the horizon because there's more new experiences and adventures to be had.

edit: I WILL survive this. But if she ever wants me back, I'll gladly welcome her back with open arms.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.

Last edited by Green Yoshi; July 12th 2016 at 01:16 AM.
   
4 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
life, sgiven, suicide

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.