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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Question too numb - July 19th 2016, 08:22 PM

hiya.

i havent posted in a while, but thats because i felt like i didnt need to. things have been going okay.

I have a boyfriend now. hes so nice to me, hes sweet and loving and caring. I love him, and he makes me happy. weve been dating for two months now.

every time my mother would hit me in this length of time, he was there for me. he supported me and held me when i cried. he kisses me when i talk too much, and distracts me when im upset. hes like my own personal batman. and hes always there for me. in the time ive been with him i feel like i used to, before i had depression. its made me so happy. and he tells me hes happy too. i think the best part about all of this is knowing that ive made someone happy. ive maade someone fall in love again.

But, lately, this week, ive been taking hit rather hard. ive been super upset, and i started cutting again. when my boyfriend found out he was upset with me. he said he felt like he couldnt do anything. but hes calmed down about it. hes even willing to let me do it. i dont think he knows the risks, but i dont want to tell him. i feel awful for keeping the knowledge that i could DIE from him. but, ive been so upset and numb, what else do i do? if i feel so upset that even HE cant help me. how upset would i be without him right now? what do i do?

i could really use some advise.



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Re: too numb - July 19th 2016, 09:06 PM

Hi there,

I'm so glad that you've been doing good lately, and that your boyfriend has been there for you during this difficult time. It sucks that he doesn't understand the self harm, but sometimes people who haven't had much experience with it don't really know what to say/do and they don't always understand. Be patient with him and help him see it from your point of you.

I think you need to be completely honest with him though. Honesty can make or break any relationship. I know that's scary, and you should tell him how you feel with him not being able to help you. Unfortunately, there is only so much he can do. But being there for you during your struggle with self harm is a great place to start. He is right that he can't fix it all and can't always help to the extent that you might want though because he's not a professional.

Have you ever thought about talking to a professional about the self harm? I think it would be a really good thing to look into, and I think your boyfriend would support you with that as well. He might have reacted harshly in the beginning, but that's only because he cares and doesn't know how to help you the best he can. But you can talk to him about what helps you.

I think you should also talk to him about what he can do to support you. You said he's worried that he can't help you, so tell him ways that he can be helpful! It's always worth a shot.

I hope this helps! Good luck and if you ever need a friend, my inbox is always open if you need it.


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Re: too numb - July 21st 2016, 02:09 AM

Hello.

I think that what you need to do is reach out to more people regarding this problem, and also know that what your mother is doing to you is unacceptable. Parent are supposed to be your shield, your protector. Not your cause of harm and this is absolutely unacceptable... your boyfriend is in a way more caring and nicer than your mom, and its probably better for you to rant out to him more too, and let him listen even more to your worries. I also know that no matter how things go, you're stronger than you think you are,

And you got someone who's in with you to help you overcome this challenge. Nothing's really impossible for you because lets face it.. a wonderful man fell in love with you and this wonderful person wants to take care of you.

That in itself shows that you're wonderful , nice and sweet in many ways , so don't give up, stay strong and never ever doubt yourself.. I think that the guilt that's eating you up is also part of the problem. But if you can't open up to him, at least open up to us.. or a qualified counselor that can help you overcome your negative thoughts and help you make peace with whatever's causing these painful urges to harm yourself.

I hope that things get better for you. If you need a friend, I'll be around too.. for as long as I can be.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

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As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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