i dont feel like a real person

[Zemie]

lately im feeling, i dont know, like i dont feel like a real person. i have rare periods of time where i feel like myself but usually ijust feel like im in a trance or something

i havent been able to talk to or relate to other people in a while. even with my friends like it's just like my brain isnt working, like i feel stupid after everything i say to them. i feel like im just saying the same things over and over

on the weekends i get drunk with my friends and i can talk to them fine then but i still feel like weird. i dont know. something feels wrong.
i feel bad about drinking. my mom is an alcoholic and she is drunk every single night and my younger sister is at home with her and it sucks. my brother is an alcoholic too and he ended up spending like 9 months in prison because of it. im really scared i'll end up like them because at first i just drank to have fun but now it's like i look forward to it because it will get me out of my head and away from my problems

i dont know where im going in life. i think about it a lot now that i just want to leave. like go somewhere far away and just do something compeltely different. but i also feel like this is just a stupid idea. i feel stupid in general, just because like i feel like I don't know or understand a lot of things that are obvious or common knowledge. like things about social interaction, they just dont come naturally to me. i dont now

i feel like i have no experice in life. i'm almost 20 and like ive never had a real job or really done anything. my parents are paying for my schooling so i really dont have anything to worry about. like i can just buy an energy drink or whatever whenever i want and like i dont work or do anything. it feels stupid
im going to art school and i dont know if it's all just a big waste of time. ideally i want to do designs for album covers or band merch or work with graphic novels or do concept art or whever but i just cant imagine a future where im doing any of this. like it just seems impossible to me, like to have a real job. like working with others and fuck, i dont know, networking or whatever
the more i learn in art school about like what the art industry is like the more i feel like i'm wasting my time, the more i learn about my school too the more i learn its really all just a mess. but like i cant just quit it, i dont know if i even want to. but thats another thing that just feels impossible to me

i forgot what my point was here. idk, is this just like life? like its just so monotonous. i dont feel alive

most of the time i find writing stuff out helps me organize my thoughts which helps me feel better so idk if it's even just for the advice. my thoughts are really like, clouded most of the time. like it's hard for me to think about how i feel about things or opions i have or just think in general? it feels like my brain is just frozen. idk

[Dominant]

Originally Posted by Zemie

lately im feeling, i dont know, like i dont feel like a real person. i have rare periods of time where i feel like myself but usually ijust feel like im in a trance or something

i havent been able to talk to or relate to other people in a while. even with my friends like it's just like my brain isnt working, like i feel stupid after everything i say to them. i feel like im just saying the same things over and over

on the weekends i get drunk with my friends and i can talk to them fine then but i still feel like weird. i dont know. something feels wrong.
i feel bad about drinking. my mom is an alcoholic and she is drunk every single night and my younger sister is at home with her and it sucks. my brother is an alcoholic too and he ended up spending like 9 months in prison because of it. im really scared i'll end up like them because at first i just drank to have fun but now it's like i look forward to it because it will get me out of my head and away from my problems

i dont know where im going in life. i think about it a lot now that i just want to leave. like go somewhere far away and just do something compeltely different. but i also feel like this is just a stupid idea. i feel stupid in general, just because like i feel like I don't know or understand a lot of things that are obvious or common knowledge. like things about social interaction, they just dont come naturally to me. i dont now

i feel like i have no experice in life. i'm almost 20 and like ive never had a real job or really done anything. my parents are paying for my schooling so i really dont have anything to worry about. like i can just buy an energy drink or whatever whenever i want and like i dont work or do anything. it feels stupid
im going to art school and i dont know if it's all just a big waste of time. ideally i want to do designs for album covers or band merch or work with graphic novels or do concept art or whever but i just cant imagine a future where im doing any of this. like it just seems impossible to me, like to have a real job. like working with others and fuck, i dont know, networking or whatever
the more i learn in art school about like what the art industry is like the more i feel like i'm wasting my time, the more i learn about my school too the more i learn its really all just a mess. but like i cant just quit it, i dont know if i even want to. but thats another thing that just feels impossible to me

i forgot what my point was here. idk, is this just like life? like its just so monotonous. i dont feel alive

most of the time i find writing stuff out helps me organize my thoughts which helps me feel better so idk if it's even just for the advice. my thoughts are really like, clouded most of the time. like it's hard for me to think about how i feel about things or opions i have or just think in general? it feels like my brain is just frozen. idk

Tell yourself you need to get your act together. Make a five year plan and aim.

You're very fortunate despite your hardships. You have a chance, you're not stuck in a circle of poverty.

[StellaGabel]

Life is really very beautiful. Sort all stuff in your life and enjoy it to the fullest. Good luck!

[Always *]

To be honest, I don't think that having a drinking problem is the same thing as being an alcoholic. Drinking to deal with your problems is, well, a problem and you might need some counselling to work through that, but it doesn't necessarily mean your an alcoholic who legit can't stop. I know that might not be the same thing, but I've had friends with substance abuse problems, and I've sort of gleaned that it doesn't skip from no problem right up to addiction, there are different stages.


Nonetheless, I am sorry to hear you're struggling and I totally understand why you're worried about the disconnect you feel and the use of alcohol to manage it. I'm a little short on time so I'll try to make it brief.

Is there any possibility you can get counselling? Some communities have free/subsidized programs, especially for youth (12 - 25 years of age) because they're the age group the least likely to be able to afford such things, so maybe you can investigae that in your community.

Everything iwll be ok, you can do this. PM me if you need to talk more.