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broken.toaster Offline
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Name: Summer
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Unhappy why does it have to be her... - October 19th 2016, 09:11 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

so it all started last weekend, on Sunday. my girlfriend relapsed, and cut herself again. its bad this time. straight down about a third of her wrist.she said everything felt like it was collapsing in her life and she just did it without thinking. she made me promise not to tell anyone. last night, at 12:34 am, she texted me and told me she'd be gone for about two weeks. she didn't say why and didn't respond to my texts. this morning i told one of my friends about her relapse. she told me that my gf had told her she could physically not hold food in her body without throwing it up. she had had a doctors appointment so id figured they saw the cut and she was going to the MH again. yes again, she's gone like, five times before. i had a total emotional breakdown at school today... and the councilor actually told me that i 'cant do anything but be her friend'. i mean of course i was her friend, and of course its impossible for me to stop her depression, but you don't just tell someone (who is coming up on her one year clean of self harm anniversary) that theres nothing she can do to help the person who is the reason they wake up every day. she told me she wont get to talk to me much, and she doesn't know when she's coming back. i feel like its all my fault. like i could have helped her. like i didn't try hard enough. i'm not myself anymore, ive lost all my cheerfulness. if i couldn't help her get through this, how could i expect myself to help her through bigger things. i'm already unstable, i can not physically deal with knowing i could have helped. my grades are going down and if i have as little as one C, by the end of this quarter (November 1st) my mom is pulling me from all my extracurriculars. plus, the stress is making me literally sick. what do?
   
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Re: why does it have to be her... - October 20th 2016, 05:09 AM

Hi Summer, I'm so sorry to hear that this is going on in your life. I want you to know that this is not your fault. It was her choice and she's the one who made it. I know when I used to cut, nothing anyone could say could stop me if I felt like I needed to cut. I know nothing I say will change the situation, I just want you to know that none of this is your fault. I also think it's important that you don't relapse. When she comes back she is going to need your strength and you are clearly strong. I think all you can do is be there for her and stay strong for yourself and for her. You said that because you couldn't help through this you don't feel you'll be able to help in bigger things. There aren't a lot of things in life bigger then struggling with depression and self harm. What you've overcome is amazing in and of itself, its amazing that you are almost one year clean and that makes you amazing. I know its hard, (it used to feel impossible for me) but try to focus on school. Do you have any coping mechanisms to help with the stress? That might help you stay calm and get through the next rough patch. I hope everything gets better for you very soon.


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Re: why does it have to be her... - October 21st 2016, 05:53 PM

Hello Summer

Thanks for coming to us here for some help and advice. I'm glad you aren't going through this alone.

I just want to say that none of this if your fault in any way what so ever and never did you make it worse or could have done more. Ultimately, it's down to your friend to make the changes that need to be changed. You could give them everything they need to know and do to get better, but unless they take the action and work hard on it, they won't get there. Sometimes we get so low we just don't care any more and I don't know what place your friend is in but I am confident when I say that they will get to a point where they want to fight for their life and they will fight back and begin recovery and get better again although there will always be dark days. I think all you can do is let them know you're there whenever they need them and look after yourself in this too. The self blame etc is going to knock you down, so remember this is not your fault. You have nothing to do with where she is mentally right now. Okay?

And if you ever need to talk or rant or anything know we are always here. You're never alone. So don't ever suffer in silence. I believe in you and I hope things start to look up, for you and your friend.

Hope and wishes,
Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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